The Rory Gilmore Book Club discussion
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do you think that lorelai played the victim when it came to her parents or was she justified in her anger towards them?
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J
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Nov 11, 2021 10:56AM
I've been discussing it with my sister lately. I think she acted a little spoiled and dramatic sometimes, but it's also understandable because Emily was very passive aggressive towards her and her parents often were condescending
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This is a tricky one. I don’t get along with my mother either for similar reasons as Lorelai, so I totally get the whole dynamic and I do feel that a bad childhood (even if it was unintentional on the parents’ end) is going to leave some degree of enmity between parent and child forever. On the other hand, I think Emily did really try to open up and be more accepting and supportive of Lorelai’s life as the show progressed. Yes, she was still a b*tch at times, but she did seem to eventually grasp the notion that family is far more important than her ideals. Lorelai, however, never really took Emily out of that “oppressive-parent” box and was ALWAYS on the defense and ready to fight about the tiniest things. I think a little forgiveness would have gone a long way for them.
i feel like sometimes it was definitely justified but there were a few times she was a little dramatic about it. it’s in between in my opinion!
both ways. her relationship with her mother was really bad but sometimes emily was nice and did things for her, lorelai just stand there and complains about everything, she didn't move on and act like a adult. sometimes i think that lorelai is an old child, mentally she didn't grow up and ended up treating rory like she was her best friend and not her child. i love her character but it's my opinion.
i think sometimes she was a bit dramatic, but i understand her anger towards her parents. they didn’t let her have a normal teenage life, she had to go to parties & coming out events, and then had to sneak out to be able to have any fun.
i also understand why she never shared her milestones or news with them, it’s a trauma response. they always talked her down & disapproved of how she lived her life- how she raised rory, how she did her job, what guys she dated, etc. so she’s justified in not sharing much with them
I feel both. In some situations u could have sympathy for Emily/Richard but for the most part they were trying to force her to be something she wasn’t, not just as a teen but even when she regained contact with them through Rory. I feel like a lot of times Emily complained that Lorelei didn’t include her in a lot of things but really made no effort to be a better mom for her, so I’d say it’s an 80/20 or even 70/30 thing with Emily being most at fault.
♡ ⋆｡˚~Raini~˚ ｡⋆♡ wrote: "She should never have run away unless her parents were mentally abusing her. It is hard on a mother to know your child ran away. Though, Emily and Richard are not good people."i actually disagree! i think that was her first steps on becoming the strong-willed woman she is today. staying with her parents and the life her parents wanted for her would've ruined her mental health especially being a teen mom in an upper-class society who'd frowns down on her and her daughter. she also would've probably end up married to christopher which is iffy to me. many frown on the way she leaves but i honestly wouldn't recommend her doing anything different.
I believe that Lorelai's anger towards her parents was justified on a certain level. Lorelai's parents never understood her. Often their behaviour towards her was not good. Especially her mother's. However they both tried to provide her a happy life according to their beliefs. They hurt her psychologically but never physically. They cared for her very much but they rarely showed it with actions that made her truly happy.
Lorelei is kinda a brat but at the same time they did have a complicated relationship. We have to keep in mind that everything Emily did was because the believed she was doing the right thing. And Lorelei is kinda ungrateful and literally always complains abt how she grew up w nothing but I’m like “YOU CHOSE THAT FOR YOURSELF”
Emily was emotionally abusive and everything was about control for her. It all came at a price for Emily. Lorelai was suffocating in that house and her parents never bother to understand her. There was nothing for Lorelai in that house except her room. For Emily and Richard it was all about image and Lorelei's true self didn't fit that image. Yes, they did love her in their own way, but again their love came with conditions.
personally, i feel both. while in her childhood it’s apparent emily was more focused on image rather than what her child had to say, in their adult years it’s obvious she tries to make amends. emily and richard had a reputation; as much as they loved lorelai they had to make sure she fit this image of them. “ the perfect family” this is why she was “ rebellious “ in her teens i’d say. it’s obvious the pregnancy was an accident, but i do feel like if emily and richard were closer w their daughter their could’ve been more precautions or at least a better experience during the pregnancy. fast forward to their adult years. we can see emily does miss her daughter and grand-daughter. she makes the only cost of rory’s tuition to see them once a week on friday’s for just a few hours. i think this was her way of hinting that she missed them, but her pride wouldn’t let her say it. we can see all the struggles with their relationship throughout the show but with all the childhood struggles lorelai had, she let the bad memories get in the way of the good ones; therefor making her resent her parents for years. i do enjoy how their relationship starts to heal and mend together around the end tho.
When it comes to Lorelai's mother, her attitude can be justified on some occasions , but in others she used her past anger as an excuse to constantly hold a grudge against Emily and Richard. I do feel like Richard did not deserve her attitude though since he merely tried to be her father. Just because she couldn't get along with her parents does not mean she has to "besmirch" them to Rory. She is responsible for Rory's character as her mother so she should understand how it might ruin her daughters' relationship with her grandparents.
I feel like it was both. There are times when she had justified and valid reasons when it came to her parents. They seemed to be passive-aggressive and cross boundaries with her. However, she also could be spoiled brat (one we still love though). In truth her history with her family caused her to be a partial play in Rory's downfall. Rory turned out exactly like her mother in the end.
There is a reason why Lorelai never wanted to ask her parents for help and didn´t like going to friday night dinner. We haven´t seen how her childhood was and what happened so we can never know what exactly caused the relationship between Lorelai and her parents but I think you can just tell by the way she acts when people bring up her parents and going to them for help. Its like in the episode where Lorelai celebrates her birthday and she tells Rory that she only knows the nice and fluffy Emily and Richard and that she doesn´t want Rory to know the other version of them. Even if they are just judging the way she dresses or how she talks to her employes and it doesn´t seem like a big deal when you watch it, can you imagine how emotionaly draining it must be to have your parents treat you like that ALL THE TIME. I mean they have to create weekly obligational dinners to see their daughter and granddaughter because they only ever see them on holidays. There is a reason Lorelai kept Rory from them. Im not saying that its all Emily and Richards fault and that they had no right to see their daugter and granddaughter and I do thiink taht they deep down really loved her and wanted the best for her but I think they took the wrong action and treated her bad.
as someone who wasn’t very wealthy growing up lorelai does anger me when it comes to her parents. she could have gotten anything she wanted, by she still had that classical rich teen rebelliousness which in some ways i feel were justified with her overbearing mother but eeeeh it’s a tricky one.
I think she played the victim sometimes. AND I LOVE LORELAI! But some times she was totally upset over good things her parents did. Like when Emilee was trying to buy a whole bunch of things for Rory when she got accepted into Chilton. She was just showing her excitement! Lorelai is my favorite character (behind Kirk) but Emilee gave her a run for her money a few times.
i love lorelai, but she sometimes played the victim
i definitely think it was a mix of both. she was a victim to what she went through growing up but she needed to take more accountability for her life and decisions in adulthood.
I think that, as a child, she was justified in her anger towards them. They neglected her (as parents of a certain class and time were apt to do), placed other peoples perceptions of them above everything else, and didn't really listen to her. However, as an adult, you have to learn to either talk it over or move on. She was always so quick to expect the worst of her parents intentions, especially when it came to Rory. She could never just let them be a part of Rory's life gracefully; she was always finding something to fight about. Lorelai was so immature. The scene that always comes to mind is in season 3, episode 9, the Thanksgiving episode. The Gilmore's friends are asking Rory where she applied. Obviously, if you're applying to Harvard, you're applying to all the other schools of that caliber. And what does Lorelai do? She causes a huge scene at dinner and blames Richard and Emily. That was so not the time and place; and also, it had nothing to do with them. Of course Rory was going to apply to Yale.
So, yes, sometimes she was justified. But once we join them in their journey (aka, the show), Lorelai more often than not played the victim.
I feel like this is very situational. Mainly because I'm talking about the scenes when Emily tried to force activities on people that they did not want to do (golfing, the coming out to society, etc.) and Lorelai was protecting her father, her daughter, and whoever her daughter was dating at the time. But there were definitely instances where she played the victim, but I think that was just her fight or flight response. For example, when Emily and Richard were looking for a place to live in Stars Hollow, whenever her parents offered to help her financially without any payback (usually involving her house or the inn[s], etc.). Whenever Emily tried to reach out to her daughter in a humble way, Lorelai shut her down out of childhood trauma. But there were definitely instances when Lorelai was in the right AND the wrong. It just depended on the situation.
i feel that her anger is justified to an extent. emily and richard weren't good parents to lorelai and everything that lorelai does is a trauma response. but i also feel that as hard as it is to be in her situation, there were times where she crossed that line of being the victim, and when she should have owned up to have going so far.
My sister and my parents have a similar dynamic of not agreeing with ways of life (my sister is gay and my parents don't approve). My sister will have fights about politics and social issues with them, sure. but there is never a time she thinks they will let her down or will not love her or help her. I watch Gilmore girls and see so much of my father in Richard and bits of my mother in Emily. the way they act around Lorelai may not be the most affectionate display. but it is loving and caring and wanting what's best for her and Rory. even if it's opinions that don't match Lorelai's. this is something that she can't see for she thinks family support must be agreeing and approving of every aspect of her life. that's not realistic or showing kindness or family love herself.
maybe she sometimes was the victim, but i think she should’ve thought that what they did was for her good.
Emily always had good intentions and richard did what he thought the father was supposed to do and yes they sound a little manipulative but lorelei was in a multi-million dollar lifestyle with every opportunity at her fingertips when she got pregnant with rory. Emily and richard def could’ve supported both of them even if she didn’t marry chris, but she victimized herself so much that she felt the need to run away and things turned out well but what if she hadn’t gotten the job at the inn?
I think that Lorelai was way overdramatic. She and Emiliy had very different personalities, and were both in the wrong. But while Emily evolves and becomes more understanding, Lorelai only sees her point of view and never opens up to her. In general Lorelai never grew up, she was emotional, irrational and sometimes petty. Even her marriage proposal to Luke seemed a comeback on Rory and Emily. Do not get me wrong, I loved her, she is also funny and breezy. But I think that she has a very difficult personality and her relationship with Rory was as problematic as the one she had with Emily.
