Query Feedback - Adult Science Fiction / Space Opera

[Mark]

Looking for some feedback on my query for my 103,000 word Adult Science Fiction / Space Opera novel.

I appreciate your consideration of my 103,000-word science fiction novel, Felan’s Rescue. With Felan’s Rescue I blend medieval fantasy into a sprawling space opera, set immediately after years of intergalactic war. Think Iain. M. Banks’ Matter with an Old Man’s War Universe feel.

The weight of his family’s legacy rests on Prince Felan’s shoulders as he fights to save their kingdom from invaders, the betrayal of his best friend and the gods that are moving against them. However, the gods are something far different than even Felan understands. With his father’s kingdom under siege Felan learns of a message from those gods and with the help of his best friend searches for a secret cave that may contain his family’s salvation. They find the cave, but Felan is betrayed and left for dead. Miraculously, Felan survives. He knows he must somehow save his family and in doing will come face to face with his best friend and the full truth of her betrayal.

Unbeknownst to Felan his fate is intertwined with Sandra Ferrara, a 13-year old girl growing up in the space colony located above the planet Tera 4. At the center of the space colony is Society, a game started centuries ago where people interfere with the medieval culture on Tera 4. Those that succeed in propping up their interests on Tera 4 achieve notoriety and prestige throughout the Tera 4 Space Colony. Sandra’s family’s oldest and most prized Society interest is Bestlethrone, the kingdom Felan’s family rules. Sandra’s brother betrays their family, putting the pieces in motion that put Felan and his family in peril. A dejected Sandra is given what is left of that interest and vows to find a way to save it and in the process, save Felan.

As Sandra desperately struggles to find a way to save Felan, Dash Cricken comes to the Tera 4 Space Colony to try to shut down Society and stop its exploitation of the medieval culture on Tera 4. While Dash tries to use Sandra to achieve his goal, Sandra obsesses over protecting Felan and what is left of her family’s interest. Sandra pushes back against Dash, explaining the positive impact Society has on the Tera 4 culture. When Felan allows himself to be captured to confront his best friend creating a diversion to save his family, Sandra must face the grim reality that saving Felan could come at great cost to many others on Tera 4. She must decide whether to risk that cost, to risk Felan, or follow another path, offered by Dash that could destroy Society and make her a pariah amongst her people.

Felan and his story are the focus of the novel, taking up approximately half the chapters. The other chapters are split between Sandra and Dash’s perspectives. I have also finished a direct sequel and would love to explore the series potential of this universe. Each novel will be self-contained and explore interaction between alien races at differing technological levels focusing on exploitation, justification and the nature of how our diverse viewpoints are shaped by our backgrounds. The target audience for the series is people who like modern space opera such as The Expanse, the Old Man’s War series and the Red Rising series. I appreciate your time and consideration.

Respectfully,


Mark Raines

[Ekaterina]

Hi Mark. I think the query is a bit too long with around 500 words, as I read that the most agents wish to see half as much. It’s tricky in your case, because you have three plotlines. I had a similar problem with two main lines in my novel and learned from the Query Shark Blog that it is acceptable in such cases to focus either on the main line in the query, or the line which comes first in the text. As you say by yourself that “Felan and his story are the focus of the novel”, I’d consider leaving all the rest out or cutting the world count of other lines. I hope this was helpful. Good luck!