The Midnight Readers discussion
✧ Personal Book Nooks
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﹆【Shay is back from HIATUS <3】
Ok feedback!“The table was covered in folders of mock exam papers and open legal books with foreboding titles like The Rule of Law or Is Eating People Wrong? stacked sloppily against each other.”
I like this, but it’s kind of an abrupt shift in tone. I’m not able to explain how exactly, but it seemed kind of odd.
“Jia’s brain felt like a puddle of mush and when she closed her eyes, it was like her mind created her own kaleidoscope but instead of pretty flowery patterns, lines upon lines of cases and acts reeled in her mind, remnant of her intense studying for the past two hours. She knew her concentration would only pull her through one hour maximum, but she had a test in two days and she still hadn’t gotten the last section down to a T. Law school was tough but her parents were breaking their backs at home, 2000 miles away, to afford her tuition. She was a first-generation college student and her sister was so proud of her for getting into law school and was always on the phone, expecting another report of her fantabulous results. Safe to say, there was a lot at stake.”
This is kind of telling vs showing. Maybe you could spread this out, or rewrite this section?
And now I’m going to annoy you, sorry 👀
“They broke apart, both smiling as they peered into each other's faces.”
“Jia pointed out, a smile playing on her lips despite herself.”
“His mouth parted mid-smile in expectation.”
I liked it otherwise! I did feel the fight happened a bit to fast, but it was really well written. :)
I don't know what is happening, butH E L L O
Mrunal wrote: "I don't know what is happening, butH E L L O"
H E L L O
Bhavya wrote: "Mrunal wrote: "I don't know what is happening, butH E L L O"
H E L L O"
BHAVYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@Bhavya THANK YOU SMwill take ur criticism v srsly!! and not annoyed at alllll
i'm on lunch break, and my friend just ditched me :) (i'm kinda happy bout it)
HEY SHAY I KNOW THAT I AM LATE BUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVED YOUR STORY AND I AM WAITING FOR THE SEQUEL!!
Blobbie! wrote: "i'm on lunch break, and my friend just ditched me :) (i'm kinda happy bout it)"
omg what the heck thats so mean, yeah, being alone has tons of perks too
Aashi wrote: "HEY SHAY I KNOW THAT I AM LATE BUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOVED YOUR STORY AND I AM WAITING FOR THE SEQUEL!!"THANK YOU AASHI AHAHAHAH IM STILL WORKING ON IT THANK U
Shay ☆ wrote: "Blobbie! wrote: "i'm on lunch break, and my friend just ditched me :) (i'm kinda happy bout it)"
omg what the heck thats so mean, yeah, being alone has tons of perks too"
yeah, but than she came back and then kinda ditched me again, (not really ig?) and yup it totally does!
Blobbie! wrote: "yeah, but than she came back and then kinda ditched me again, (not really ig?) and yup it totally does!"hate it when ppl do that
Shay ☆ wrote: "Blobbie! wrote: "yeah, but than she came back and then kinda ditched me again, (not really ig?) and yup it totally does!"hate it when ppl do that"
it is annoying,
Shay ☆ wrote: "@Bhavya THANK YOU SMwill take ur criticism v srsly!! and not annoyed at alllll"
Thank you! ♥️
Nashita wrote: "IM WAITING FOR PART 2"AHHAAH ARE U SERIOUS i cannot tell if u are being serious or ur just being nice HAHAHHA ok i will let u know asap when i have edited this part and continued!! dont hold ur breath tho 😂💜
Nope not joking ..... I love cute romance books and this is cute❤️
eeeeks thank u love u, will inform u right away if jia and jules make up AHHAHA
I have a math test today ahhhhhhhhh! I just realized though i did study
Blobbie! wrote: "I have a math test today ahhhhhhhhh! I just realized though i did study"LOL
shay not gonna lie but your profile pic seems like of a kpop-idol.
Blobbie! wrote: "I have a math test today ahhhhhhhhh! I just realized though i did study"thats good !! u like math rightt
Gourica wrote: "shay not gonna lie but your profile pic seems like of a kpop-idol."AHAHHA u mean it looks like a kpop idol? anyone in mind?
its a digital painting btw not a real person ahhah
Shay ☆ wrote: "Blobbie! wrote: "I have a math test today ahhhhhhhhh! I just realized though i did study"thats good !! u like math rightt"
don't go there.
Shay ☆ wrote: "its a digital painting btw not a real person ahhah"I know, it just looks like it. Is it yours?
Shay ☆ wrote: "Gourica wrote: "shay not gonna lie but your profile pic seems like of a kpop-idol."AHAHHA u mean it looks like a kpop idol? anyone in mind?"
Maybe Lia from ITZY?
it doesn't look like one but the position is like that...
Shay ☆ wrote: "Blobbie! wrote: "I have a math test today ahhhhhhhhh! I just realized though i did study"thats good !! u like math rightt"
ehhh
Gourica wrote: "Shay ☆ wrote: "its a digital painting btw not a real person ahhah"I know, it just looks like it. Is it yours?"
nope nope i wish it was HAHAH
Niharika✩ wrote: "Shay ☆ wrote: "Blobbie! wrote: "I have a math test today ahhhhhhhhh! I just realized though i did study"thats good !! u like math rightt"
don't go there."
yeah!
Niharika✩ wrote: "don't go there."i remember stutti saying she enjoys math no?
Shay ☆ wrote: "Niharika✩ wrote: "don't go there."i remember stutti saying she enjoys math no?"
sometimes
Gourica wrote: "Maybe Lia from ITZY?"Gourica wrote: "it doesn't look like one but the position is like that..."
right yeah i see it!! kinda reminds me of jihyo too from twice
Blobbie! wrote: "sometimes"right!! see? how was ur test?
Shay ☆ wrote: "Gourica wrote: "Maybe Lia from ITZY?"Gourica wrote: "it doesn't look like one but the position is like that..."
right yeah i see it!! kinda reminds me of jihyo too from twice"
yeah!
Shay ☆ wrote: "Blobbie! wrote: "sometimes"right!! see? how was ur test?"
not yet it's on 3rd period, i'm in 1st period rn
And if you watch kDramas and haven't watched Vincenzo...GO SEE IT
Blobbie! wrote: "not yet it's on 3rd period, i'm in 1st period rn"okay good luck!! you'll do great!
The Midnight Readers
Books mentioned in this topic
The Rehearsals (other topics)The Rehearsals (other topics)
Out of Character (other topics)
I Kissed a Girl (other topics)
One True Loves (other topics)
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AHHH thank u!!! i will HAHHAH but just for fun maybe