YA Fantasy Query

[Amanda]

Hello y'all!

I'd appreciate some feedback on the query letter I'm drafting. Any thoughts are appreciated.

Query:
Dear Agent,

The country of Trea is a young monarchy with plenty of growing up to do. The same could be said of Willow, the first inheriting princess of Trea. She is determined to build a bright future for her country—but with few historical records and no contact with their northern neighbors, Trea is struggling to unite.

When the isolationist country Marcal sends a desperate plea for help--and strangely enough, begs a marriage alliance between their prince and Willow's little sister—it may be the perfect opportunity to study an older monarchy. Intrigued by the foreign prince and his mysterious culture, Willow agrees to accompany him back home.

After Princess Willow’s traveling party is ambushed near the Marcali border, she discovers that the forests of Trea and the mountains of Marcal are filled with secrets. Elusive traitors camping in trees, a city of nocturnal outcasts, magical nomads with attitude problems—and the kind boy caught up in all of their plotting—pull her in wild and dangerous directions until she is forced to choose a side: defend the ancient traditions of her country or forge new ones with Trea's secretive northern neighbor.

The Land of the Willows is a 98,000 word YA fantasy novel that explores the depths of history both forgotten and deliberately obscured. It is the first in a completed trilogy, but can also serve as a standalone novel.

I have previously published a few poems in Siena Heights University’s literary journal Eclipse, and have co-authored a paper in a peer-reviewed scientific journal, Molecules.

Thank you for your consideration.

[Lori]

I think this is really good, and I don't even like YA fantasy. I wish I had something constructive to offer, but I like it just the way it is.

[G.R.]

This is well written as a query but offers up some basic questions. In the first paragraph you say that 'Trea is struggling to unite.' Unite with who, and against whom? Generally there should be a known conflict that necessitates why a country needs to unite. This isn't revealed or hinted at until later in the query. Perhaps 'unite' isn't the appropriate word to end the first paragraph.

My other comment is about the infamous statement you often see in blurbs and queries that 'lists' everything the protagonist is going to face. Why not just take it out entirely? "...are filled with secrets that pull her in wild and dangerous directions..."

I think it is a good query that sets up a layered fantasy with some magic and political intrigue. Good luck.

[Amanda]

Thank you both!

G.R. I agree with your points, I'll revisit those two sections.

Thanks again!