I just had, for my own gratification, to translate Johnny's mothers letter in the appendix. First is the odd capital letters in the middle of words. "A FACE IN A CLOUD NOT RACE IN THE CROWD" Here is the letter:
They have found a way to break me. Rape a fifty-six year old bag of bones. There is no worse and don't believe otherwise. The attendants do it. Others do it. Not everyday, not every week, maybe not even every month. But they do it. Some one I don't know always comes. When it's dark. Late. I've learned not to scream, screaming gave me hope and unanswered hope is shattered hope. Think of your Haitian. It is far saner to choose rape than shattered hope. So I submit and I drift. I let caprice and a certain degree of free-association take me away. Sometimes I'm still away long after it's done, after he's gone - the stranger, the custodian, the janitor, cleaning man, waiting man, dirty MAN - the night tidying up after him. I'm in hell giving into heaven where I sometimes think of your beautiful father with his dreamy wings and only then do I allow myself to cry. Not because your mother was raped (again) but because she loved so much what she could never have been allowed to keep. Such a silly girl. You must save me Johnny. In the name of your father. I must escape this place or I will die.
Here is the letter:
They have found a way to break me. Rape a fifty-six year old bag of bones. There is no worse and don't believe otherwise.
The attendants do it. Others do it. Not everyday, not every week, maybe not even every month. But they do it. Some one I don't know always comes. When it's dark. Late. I've learned not to scream, screaming gave me hope and unanswered hope is shattered hope. Think of your Haitian. It is far saner to choose rape than shattered hope. So I submit and I drift. I let caprice and a certain degree of free-association take me away. Sometimes I'm still away long after it's done, after he's gone - the stranger, the custodian, the janitor, cleaning man, waiting man, dirty MAN - the night tidying up after him.
I'm in hell giving into heaven where I sometimes think of your beautiful father with his dreamy wings and only then do I allow myself to cry. Not because your mother was raped (again) but because she loved so much what she could never have been allowed to keep. Such a silly girl. You must save me Johnny. In the name of your father. I must escape this place or I will die.
I love you so much.
You are all I have.
P.