❀The Never-ending TBR❀ {You Are Loved} discussion
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Aja wrote: "Brooke wrote: "Aja wrote: "꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Aja wrote: "Can it just be Challenge Master?I really need those memories gone, so I can let go of those people..."
definite..."
Ahh. That's a horrible thing. It's good that you're leaving that behind.
Mod
I really need those memories gone, so I can let go of those people..."
definite..."
AND I WAS ABOUT TO ASK WHEN IT CAME TO THE "like a brother" part
dont mind if i do: i already have it open in a doc tab:
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
All I see
When I look at the world
Is what you used to be to me
I see your face in strangers
I hear your voice in my head
I didn’t ask for this
I never wanted it to go this far
Yet now you’re all I think about
When the silence presses in
Wanting to crush
Threatening to kill
Just one text
Just one call
Is all I ask
Yet you remain silent
Just an email
Just one letter
Yet I am greeted with your silence
I made you promises
Yet you made me some as well
Will you keep them as I have?
Or will you forget them like you did me?
I wasn’t in love with you
Yet I felt you were my brother
A friend who’d never leave me
But I guess forever isn’t a thing
When it comes to our stories
Maybe we were never meant to be anything more
Than friends for a short while
Just know I’m not mad
Just know I’m thankful for what we had
Just know I’ll never forget you
But I think it’s time to say
The two words
We never say
You said that it’d sounded like forever
But maybe that’s what it’ll take
Maybe that is our forever
Maybe this is where are paths take different turns
But I’ll try to be okay
With how our chapters now are apart
So I’ll be the first
To say these words
But know all the things I’ve said
I mean
But perhaps these two little words
I’m about to say
Might not mean forever
Maybe one day we’ll meet
And try again
But for now
I’ll be brave
Even though I am afraid
To say these words
But if I don’t
I’ll go on wondering
Why I never said them to you before
And I’ll regret not telling you these words
If it is forever
So here I go
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Good bye.
im rlly sorry aja. glad you are leaving it behind you, you have a great life ahead while i am in a nervous wreck because im going to go to the eye doctor in2 hours
Mod
I really need those memories gone, so I can let go of..."
your best is my best*100000000000000000000000+
Mod
I really need those mem..."
after reading them all over and over...that one is officially my fav...i have it in a 16 pg doc and im waiting for the perfect time to print it out with one or two from katie
also, i made up titles for a few so bc i had too many to write "another poem"
Dear ex-best friend -a letter
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Hey you
I called you a friend once
but
do you think about me anymore?
was I just another person you called a friend?
one of those people who'll be forgotten as the days go by?
I felt like you were family
I guess you didn't feel the same
you knew when you dumped me it was like I didn't even matter
Hey you
you might not know this but
when you left
you took my already broken heart and threw it to the wind
it was like I was a puzzle with all the wrong pieces
you left me feeling guilty when I did nothing wrong
I cried myself to sleep
I stopped eating
I hid from others so they wouldn't see my tears
Hey you
I am depressed
I am at war with my feelings
but I'd never do to someone what you did to me
Hey you
it's been months since we've talked
I'm learning to heal my heart from the gashes you left behind
Hey you
soon
you'll just be a memory
you'll just be a lesson
one I'll never forget
but I'll learn to be okay with your absence
cause I closed your chapter
cause I am done wondering if I did something wrong
cause I now know you were just toxic and never cared
I may forgive you one day
but know
all the things I said are true
and you were one of the people who made me this way
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: Goodbye
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
All I see
When I look at the world
Is what you used to be to me
I see your face in strangers
I hear your voice in my head
I didn’t ask for this
I never wanted it to go this far
Yet now you’re all I think about
When the silence presses in
Wanting to crush
Threatening to kill
Just one text
Just one call
Is all I ask
Yet you remain silent
Just an email
Just one letter
Yet I am greeted with your silence
I made you promises
Yet you made me some as well
Will you keep them as I have?
Or will you forget them like you did me?
I wasn’t in love with you
Yet I felt you were my brother
A friend who’d never leave me
But I guess forever isn’t a thing
When it comes to our stories
Maybe we were never meant to be anything more
Than friends for a short while
Just know I’m not mad
Just know I’m thankful for what we had
Just know I’ll never forget you
But I think it’s time to say
The two words
We never say
You said that it’d sounded like forever
But maybe that’s what it’ll take
Maybe that is our forever
Maybe this is where are paths take different turns
But I’ll try to be okay
With how our chapters now are apart
So I’ll be the first
To say these words
But know all the things I’ve said
I mean
But perhaps these two little words
I’m about to say
Might not mean forever
Maybe one day we’ll meet
And try again
But for now
I’ll be brave
Even though I am afraid
To say these words
But if I don’t
I’ll go on wondering
Why I never said them to you before
And I’ll regret not telling you these words
If it is forever
So here I go
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Good bye.
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: So Sorry
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
They said they’re sorry
But so am I
I’m sorry they hurt you
I’m sorry they caused you all this pain
But no matter how many times
I say those words
It doesn’t make it better
So, I promise you
I’ll be around to keep you going
I’ll make you happy when you can’t
I’ll always care
I won’t leave you behind
I’ll laugh with you
And I’ll hold you when you cry
I don’t know what lies ahead
But know
I’ll be there through it all
And if one day our paths turn away
I’ll still care
And I won’t forget
I might not know what happens next
But I know
That one day you’ll heal
One day what they did will be
Just a memory
One day you’ll be alright
So, keep going
For I know
You’ll be alright
With time
And I know
It might hurt
But that pain will make you stronger
Don’t give up
My friend
I am here
For you
Always
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: I Need You
From: Aja
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
No one said this would be easy
But why is it so hard?
Why does this consume my mind in the dark?
No one said this would hurt
So why is pain all I know?
If it’s not supposed to hurt
Then what is this feeling?
It’s like my inside are at war with me
Just one cut might make it better
Two?
Three?
Four?
I watch as my own life passes me by
I am no longer in control
I fight with myself everyday
I need to stop this war in my mind
I need help
But my words catch in my throat
A lump growing bigger by the hour
Maybe a cut will make it go away?
The voices in my head try to pull me under
I can’t fight anymore
I need help
I know I do
But fear holds me hostage
I’m in a prison
But that prison is my mind
It’s my emotions
It’s pulling me under
Trying to drown me
I fight myself everyday not to grab the knife
I fight to breath through my sobs
I fight to hide what I’ve become
I don’t want to fight anymore
I don’t want to feel this unrelenting pain
I don’t want to live
But
I don’t want to die
Can anyone hear me?
Will this ever end?
I scream
I cry
I get lost in my mind
Have you noticed?
Have you seen the monster I’ve become?
Have you seen my tears?
Would you say something if you did?
Would you try to help me?
I am calling
I am screaming
I am kicking
I am crying
But you look away
Like I’m not even there
Like you can no longer see me
Like nothing is wrong
Wrong
This is all wrong
Would you care if I cut?
Would you try to stop me?
I need help
I need your help
I need
You
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: Hollow Inside
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
There was this hollow hole inside of me
No matter what I did it won’t go away
I tried eating it full
But after a few bites
I couldn’t anymore
It was like the food I ate was hurting me
So I stopped
I ate less and less
Yet that hole wouldn’t go away
I slept all day and tossed and turned at night
Yet that hole stayed
I hid from the world
From my family
Yet that hole stayed
I cried till I had no more tears
Yat that hole stayed
I said I was fine
But inside I was fighting
A battle I knew I wouldn’t win
I hid behind my words thinking it was better that way
Thinking no one could help me
I was in a losing battle with no army behind me
I was outnumbered by the emotions threatening to kill me
All my hope was lost
I saw no more light at the end of that dark hole that had swallowed me
I lost track of the days
Months passed
Yet that hole stayed
And I in it
Others asked what was wrong
But I had no words describe the horrors I fought inside
So I said the two words that came easy
I’m fine
But those words were lies
I wasn’t fine
I no longer knew what it meant to be
I no longer knew how to fight the tears
I couldn’t eat anymore
But said I did and threw it away when no one was around
I was sick but had no fever
I no longer found joy in the things I once had
I tried to reach out for help
But the ones I asked were never there
When I needed them the most
The hole stayed as if it had always been there
Maybe it had
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: Try
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
I try to plant my feet and hold on for the ride
But it's useless
Useless
Why do I always do this to myself
Let my walls down
Only to have them crumble into dust and rumble
So what if I lose sleep?
So what if I don't eat?
What, tell me what is there left for me?
I am not afraid about worrying
But I am of losing
I am if being pushed away
You wondered what they did to me
Well there you go
The waves are crashing
Dragging me under
People can talk But all I hear is the ringing of thunder in my ears
Tell me what am I doing wrong?
Have my fears gone too deep?
Are you afraid of me when I weep?
You should know I sit and cry at night
Thinking about it all
That sleep I lost because of you?
I was afraid
Afraid because I do care And because I will care for a long time
But maybe that's useless
Maybe I'm useless
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: Sometimes
From: Katie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Somedays,
I feel as if I grow years in minutes;
Just for the cord to snap and shrink back to my age.
Sometimes,
I feel as if the minutes go by as days;
Until I remember what time I’m in.
Some nights,
I get lost in the in between.
An infinite space between me and the rest;
In the middle of my anxiety,
The calm.
In the sounds of the ocean rolling past,
Rain hitting the pavement.
It’s chaos in the same way it’s peace.
It’s me in the same way its everyone.
It’s everything in the same way it is nothing.
It’s some days and sometimes and some seconds.
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Poem: Friends
From: Aja Marie
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
I'm not okay
but you don't stop long enough to understand what I'm trying to say
words don't come easy for me
not like they do for you
so I continue to hide behind those words
the ones that come so easy
the words you like to think are true
because I guess that's easier than listening to someone other than you
but after all I've been through
I'll try again to say
the words I mean
I am lost
I am hurt
I am lonely
I am a stranger to this world
I am depressed
I am scared
I am afraid of losing all I love
I am worried
I am all these things and more
but one thing I am not
is
Okay
Sometimes
I say the wrong things
I get angry
I forget to think
I can be an idiot
I can be a coward
Sometimes
I forget
I’m not the only one hurting
I forget
I’m not alone
That you’re there for me
I want you to know
I regret it all
Sometimes
I’m upset at you
But most of the time
It’s me
I’m mad at myself
And I’m sad
You think it’s you
When really you did nothing wrong
I put up walls
I bar the windows
I lock the door
All to save myself from pain
But it only hurts more
It only makes me regret
For you
I’m taking down the walls
For you
I’m breaking the windows
For you
I’m unlocking the door
I don’t want to regret
I don’t want to push you away
I don’t want this to end
So, I’m going to be brave
I’m going to try this again
HI
I’m sorry
Can we still be friends?
♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬♫♪♩♬
Mod
friends and i barely text/call nowadays bc we havent been that much in touch...one of my friends just left suddenly to join a "popular" group...now she just ignores us and makes nasty faces our way
Mod
forgot the "ex" in front of friend
꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Aja wrote: "꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Aja wrote: "Brooke wrote: "Aja wrote: "꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Aja wrote: "Can it just be Challenge Master?I really ne..."
Holy fork my heart. That is so incredibly powerful and relatable.
Mod
ikr damn the best poems evvvvvvvvvvvvvverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Mod
oh sorry, i wasnt talking about yours, i would never say that...i meant mine: I forgot the ex
friends and i barely text/call nowadays bc we havent been that much in touch...one of my ex friends just left suddenly to join a "popular" group...now she just ignores us and makes nasty faces our way
reply | edit | delete | flag *
Mod
sorry i didnt mean about the boy who you cared for ,as a brother, so much
message 112:
by
B , Bookish Bhavya {trying to be active again!}
(last edited Feb 18, 2021 12:25AM)
(new)
Mod
There are 2 threads for ‘the last one to posts wins’, is it there for a reason?
Mod
There are 2 threads for ‘the last one to posts wins’, is it there for a reason?"
oops ill edit that
Mod
There are 2 threads for ‘the last one to posts wins’, is it there for a reason?"
oops ill edit that"
Ok, I would have done it but I thought it’s there for a reason!
Mod
sucky because i have a ss project that i started 10 minutes ago and need ot finish in 30 minutes, and i forgot my markers, its required to be handwritten! thanks for asking! tho
wby?
Mod
sucky because i have a ss project that i started 10 minutes ago and need ot finish in 30 ..."
Oh yeah, my dad is mad bc he thinks im using too much screen time, he got a fight with me this morning, and obvi, my mom was with my dad. another reason todays sucky for me too!
Mod
sucky because i have a ss projec..."
I FINISHED! idk how!
Mod
Hey, can we chat now or not. I am in ELO and finished my hw, think...
Mod
mk how are you feelin?
Mod
happy i finished hw
said bc of that fight ...
and nervous abt going home
Hi everyone :))
Mod
Its ok Aja and like Cloudy said it happened last night lol and im actually a female LMBO in the message u said i was a boyy loll
Mod
SORRY 0-0 OOPSSSSSSS, i cant correct broadcasts tho, unfortunately
Oh okay, I'm still behind on life cause of yesterday. Welcome to the mods Doyin!
Oh and Cloudy I haven't had time yet sorry!
Mod
Its alright...try to finish it this weekend, can ya...or when?
꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Aja wrote: "Oh and Cloudy I haven't had time yet sorry!"Its alright...try to finish it this weekend, can ya...or when?"
Idk I have homework I have to get done, I'll try my best, but I've been slow since yesterday for some reason.
its Oyin once again lol
Mod
Mod
Cloudy- for BOTMs do you want me to pick the top two- or one?
꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Hey aja. Sorry you arent feeling well. Same here, but not in a phsical sense. My dad got in a fight abt that thing...again today."Thanks Cloudy. I'm sorry about your dad.
꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "Hey aja. Sorry you arent feeling well. Same here, but not in a phsical sense. My dad got in a fight abt that thing...again today."Im so sry :((
ait so do i discuss the BOTMs or is it a random pick
:D o y i n :D wrote: "ait so do i discuss the BOTMs or is it a random pick"?? I just announced the BOTM! I take suggestions from everyone then put up a poll!
Mod
1 please, since its the first botm
Mod
Thanks Cloudy. I'm s..."
thanks aja. im bummed aswell, and this morning, my mom freaking hit me...LIKE WHAT THE HELL
Mod
?? I just announced the BOTM! I take suggestions from everyone then put up a poll!"
mk
Mod
Soorry, i didnt mean to be rude LOL
Great, ill wait for her to finish the app and lyk
Mod
Totally get it!!! Yeah Brooke is the literal sweetest being I have ever encountered haha!
As for my responses to the questions go......
1) I am a moderator of a few other groups so I've fortuneatly been able to experience what it is like and I LOVE it! I am involved in many "leadership" positions at my school and I feel like being a moderator is somewhat like those positions. I love being able to communicate with people about a subject/thing that we all hold so dearly to our hearts. So being able to somewhat lead a group focused on something that brings me so much joy is just an incredible. Oh! Also, because I am a very organized person who loves having specific tasks to do and what not. I find it very entertaining for some odd reason haha!
2) I have a few main ideas that I've been wanting to act upon recently and I am sure that I will have many more to come! Here are a few:
- Aesthetic themed book polls, games, and discussions. (a lot of people have different aesthetics that fit with certain books, I feel as if we have ones like "Dark Academia Book Recommendations" or "Cottage Core Book Tag", just random things like that!)
- I am a VERY organized person who loves making spreadsheets and lists, so anything related to that I can incorporate into some sort of discussion board and/or game.
- I think incorporating Tier Rankings and anything related to Tik Tok would create a lot of participation and buzz around this group specifically as they are EXTREMELY popular at the moment. We can again, have much discussion, games, and polls on this. We can also have a cool debate on books that are popular on BookTok and see if they are actually worth the hype.
3) I would want to focus on Buddy Reads as it is one of the MOD jobs open! I, as I mentioned earlier, love Buddy Reading so I would just be head over heals for this MOD job! That being said, I'd be open to doing any other job as I find all of it pleasing to do.
4) I am currently a moderator of my own group, The Book Babes, Crazy Teen Readers, and the Bookie Cookies. So yes, I have plenty of experience! For my own group I do everything and for other groups I focus on polls, buddy reads, and BOTM's!
5) I am 15 years old and will be 16 on July 1st :)
6) I live in the Western hemisphere of the US! I'm on Goodreads from 7-4:30 everyday except for weekends as I do online school, so I'm always popping on here! From 6 o clock and up I'm not typically on as I am doing school/sport related things. Sometimes I may be on from 8-9! I also am on randomly throughout the weekends <3
Thank you for taking the time to message me back! :)
꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏᴀɴᴅʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ☁꧂ ~ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʙɪᴏ~ wrote: "guys, here is madline's application, lmk what you think about this:Totally get it!!! Yeah Brooke is the literal sweetest being I have ever encountered haha!
As for my responses to the questions ..."
This application: *melting my heart*
Madeline is great! She's amazing working with me on Crazy Teen Readers and in her other groups! She would be amazing at organizing buddy reads and she comes up with great ideas for discussions and games!
Mod
Totally get it!!! Yeah Brooke is the literal sweetest being I have ever encountered..."
Well, part of my reply, before confirming with yall and I was right "I'm glad you are active so much and I'm looking forward to getting to know you as a fellow mod.
Oh, if you didn't know yet, you are accepted, by me at least. Aja has agreed and I'm 100% Brooke will be filled with happiness. I'll just have to ask the other few mods!"
LMAO anyways, great, thanks
Mod
Totally get it!!! Yeah Brooke is the literal sweetest being I have ever encountered..."
Great! I think you told me you were down before but I'm happy with the extra feedback! Btw, do you know if Tree is available, I have to talk to her about something.
Mod
Totally get it!!! Yeah Bro..."
Yeah ok. By the way, I might have just lied to you abt smth, but it was for Tree...for the best. Im sorry. I hope you come back. Tree is in despair rn and Ik you are too. Just have a few days to think about it, take a break, but please come back. Ill miss you so much my soul will hurt, lets not talk about Tree because her despair is x100000000+ worse
Mod
Totally get it!!! Yeah Brooke is the literal sweetest being I have ever encountered..."
Yes agreed! I think you should make Madline a mod! :)
My heart just melted a wee bit :')Thank you all for accepting me into this group, I'm so excited to work along with you all some more akbkbwrjbgbwjl!!!!!!!!!!
Mod
Thank you all for accepting me into this group, I'm so excited to work along with you all some more akbkbwrjbgbwjl!!!!!!!!!!"
Welcome Madline! :)
I really need those memories gone, so I can let go of those people..."
definitely...thats why ..."
just some past bad experiences/memories when with the peole she was with as vice of a group, probably...:)