query critique (YA fantasy)

[zainab]

would love critique on my query letter! strengths, weaknesses would be appreciated.
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The Sultan’s son has been murdered. Death by poisoned kebab. Amira, the Sultan’s niece, knows who served the deadly meal—her friend, Rayan. He feigns innocence as a delicate prince from another kingdom but she’s discovered he’s a trained assassin. He swears to slaughter Amira’s beloved cousin if she tells anybody. Amira agrees not to, and the Sultan kicks out all the foreigners from the capital of the empire. Rayan seemingly disappears.
After improving her skills with the sword, Amira battles gangs who coerce money from defenseless citizens. She protects the poor, haunted by her inability to protect the Sultan’s son. The Sultan finally reopens the capital borders. He declares Amira will be married to Rayan, in order to unite his empire with Rayan’s kingdom. Even worse, Rayan wants Amira to spy on her palace or else he will murder her cousin. Amira must choose between being a pawn to destroy her own family's empire or risking her closest relative being killed. But after witnessing the poverty on the streets, Amira starts to question her own loyalty to her family.
THE WARRIOR OF THE WINDS is a young adult fantasy novel based on South Asian culture, complete at 95,000 words. It is written as a stand-alone novel but has the potential for a sequel. The first chapter is attached to the submittal form below. Thank you for your time and consideration.
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also, i would like to know how often i can post my query letter critique requests here? thanks so much!

[Meg]

Hi, Zainab-

The synopsis is a bit too long and gets bogged down by a lot of unnecessary plot points. It should be only a paragraph and include a description of the main character(s), the inciting incident, the stakes, and a cliff-hanger that makes an agent or editor want to read more. Here's your text pared down and ready for you to revise further:

Haunted by the death of the Sultan’s son, Amira hones her sword skills to battle gangs who coerce money from the poor and defenseless. Until the her uncle the Sultan declares she will be married to her former friend Rayan, in order to unite his empire with Rayan’s kingdom. Rayan appears to be a delicate prince but is actually a trained assassin—the very one who poisoned Amira’s cousin years ago. And now he wants her to spy on her palace. Amira must choose between being a pawn to destroy her own family's empire or risking another beloved cousin being killed. But after witnessing the poverty on the streets, Amira starts to question her own loyalty to her family.

[Justin]

Hi Zainab,

I agree with the other commenter and their blurb. I actually would reverse the last two sentences though, as I think it gives it a better sendoff.

Here is tips from an agent, but they are specific to him. That being said, I found them useful. It also includes examples of successful query letters:
https://www.ericsmithrocks.com/perfec...

[zainab]

Meg wrote: "Hi, Zainab-

The synopsis is a bit too long and gets bogged down by a lot of unnecessary plot points. It should be only a paragraph and include a description of the main character(s), the inciting ..."

Hi, thanks for replying! I rly like how u rearranged my query- i have a question. I know u said the query isnt supposed to be as long as mine but ive asked editors on reddit and they said the query is supposed to abt 250 words (mine was abt 230 words).

if I enhanced what u rewrote and the query is abt 160 words, would tht still be fine? Thank u so much! :)

[Kenny]

Hi Zainab,

To answer your question in the above comment: your query letter =/= your blurb. What you posted in the original comment is your blurb. Your blurb is part of your query letter, but your query letter doesn't only include your blurb. Your query letter should be around around 250-350 words (one page, Times New Roman, 12, with a space between the paragraphs), and it includes: a short blurb + the info of your book (title, genre, target audience, wordcount), your author bio (where you mention any relevant writing or publishing credentials you have and what qualifies you to write this specific book) + your message to the agent stating why you're querying them specifically (if it's a personalized query, and it should be the opening paragraph).

This means that your *blurb* shouldn't be over 250 words because, well, that's how long your *query letter* should be.

I hope this clarifies things better.