Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query 1 or Query 2
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I like the second one better, but you need to break it up into more than one giant paragraph. Right now it's a wall of text. I would also lose the phrase "for the fact." You don't need it. Sounds interesting. Good luck!
I prefer the second one, too, but one thing I noticed was there's a lot of names and proper nouns, which confused me a lot. I'd recommend cutting a bunch of them.
Query 1
The life of a Frelsarien is one of magic, power, and adventure. This is the promise made to the humans whom the gods have stolen from their homes and forced to serve as prophets in other worlds. However, Idun Tharonson and companions discover that they have been lied to. The gods have dropped the three of them off in another world where a cruel and bloody war rages, without the magic promised to them. There, as prophets of the god’s, they are expected to bring peace to the two warring countries. Now they must complete their mission as mere mortals— failure to do so will damn them to this world forever, with no hope of returning to Earth.
Navigating the politics of this world is challenging for Frelsarien and more-so for those with no power. The citizens don’t trust mortals to do the job of gods. Even the kind king and charming prince are hesitant to let them take over affairs. Both lambasted by some yet praised by others, the Frelsarian must do the impossible and take every inch of a win that they can get.
In the heat of battle and unlikely circumstances, bonds form, motivations change, and survival instincts kick in. But a moment of desperation, turns into an act of betrayal that could either bring a kingdom to its knees or save it. Magic or not, they’ll need a miracle to salvage their mission.
Query 2
Head-strong adrenaline junkie Idun Tharonson cares about one thing only—living her life free of major responsibilities. Instead, she finds out she is the victim of an ancient curse, and is abducted from Earth along with a marine named Colton; and a nursing student named Ayla. Now they are enslaved to all-powerful gods and tasked with saving a kingdom known as Tharon, which is engaged in a brutal and bloody war. In this foreign land they are known as the legendary Frelsarian, prophets blessed with the power of the gods. If they succeed in their mission, the gods have promised to return them to Earth. Their directive sounds simple enough, except that they don’t have any magical abilities to aid them, as had been promised. The people of the alien planet were expecting all powerful saviors, but received nothing but ordinary humans.
The three must do the impossible and halt the raging war or be damned to a life far from home, with no hope of returning. In the heat of battle and unlikely circumstances, bonds form, motivations change, and survival instincts kick in. In a moment of desperation, an act of betrayal could bring the kingdom to its knees or save it. Magic or not, they will need a miracle to salvage their mission.