From your intro, the main protag is not the true hero. That sounds like a red flag to me. If he isn't the MC, I think Magnus shouldn't appear in the blurb. There are a few other things that stand out to me but the biggest one is that both of these are really wordy.
First, the blurb is short and you have a limited number of words in which to sell your story. You have to spend them wisely. Second, a prospective agent (or reader) is going to assume that this writing sample is representative of the writing in your novel. If the blurb rambles, the book may too.
Spend life on the run from her slavers and the man who wanted to buy her to torture, or go on the run a killer.
To buy and to torture sound repetitive. Same with life on the run and go on the run. But it's also wordy. She has to decide if she wants to live on the run. From who? From her slavers. But not just them, there's also this man. Because he wants to buy her. But not just buy her, he wants to also torture her. And then we get to the OR. It's too much stuff packed into one sentence. This is just one example sentence. Check them all.
If she is a slave, I can infer she might be sold. If you are not going to tell us why this guy wants to torture her (and at this point, you probably shouldn't), then just leave him out.
When you finish a novel, it is very difficult to summarize it in one or two paragraphs. New writers want to cram in a lot of stuff they think is important. And it may be very important to the story, but remember that the blurb is your hook to get the reader (or agent) interested. Don't overwhelm with details and exposition.
A few minor issues. Her choices were clear - but you only mention one. Shadowy island chief's son - too many descriptors and what does shadowy describe? The island, the chief, or the son? Another night of horrors - doesn't really tell us anything. Same with -burning with infection. From the blood? Does the infection make her choices clear?
Hopefully, some of this is helpful to you. It's just my two cents. Take it for what it is worth. Best of luck with it.
First, the blurb is short and you have a limited number of words in which to sell your story. You have to spend them wisely. Second, a prospective agent (or reader) is going to assume that this writing sample is representative of the writing in your novel. If the blurb rambles, the book may too.
Spend life on the run
from her slavers
and the man who wanted
to buy her
to torture,
or go on the run a killer.
To buy and to torture sound repetitive. Same with life on the run and go on the run. But it's also wordy. She has to decide if she wants to live on the run. From who? From her slavers. But not just them, there's also this man. Because he wants to buy her. But not just buy her, he wants to also torture her. And then we get to the OR. It's too much stuff packed into one sentence. This is just one example sentence. Check them all.
If she is a slave, I can infer she might be sold. If you are not going to tell us why this guy wants to torture her (and at this point, you probably shouldn't), then just leave him out.
When you finish a novel, it is very difficult to summarize it in one or two paragraphs. New writers want to cram in a lot of stuff they think is important. And it may be very important to the story, but remember that the blurb is your hook to get the reader (or agent) interested. Don't overwhelm with details and exposition.
A few minor issues.
Her choices were clear - but you only mention one.
Shadowy island chief's son - too many descriptors and what does shadowy describe? The island, the chief, or the son?
Another night of horrors - doesn't really tell us anything.
Same with -burning with infection. From the blood? Does the infection make her choices clear?
Hopefully, some of this is helpful to you. It's just my two cents. Take it for what it is worth. Best of luck with it.