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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Hi there! I think this sounds like an interesting novel. However, I think the query is a bit long. If you removed some unnecessary detail, you could make it pop a bit more. For instance, I have cut some words out of you first paragraph (this is just a suggestion):Charismatic but cocky trillionaire Shawn Lock has a problem. He desperately wants to get his property back. Problem is, it's been cut off from contact with Earth. However, a recent message from a mysterious Anna Blackfield gives him hope. And so, a team is formed to take back his property and investigate what happened. Shawn very well may take back what's his, but at what cost? And will he be able to deal with whatever lies on that distant colony?
Anyway, those are just my thoughts.
Good luck!
Lori
Lori wrote: "Hi there! I think this sounds like an interesting novel. However, I think the query is a bit long. If you removed some unnecessary detail, you could make it pop a bit more. For instance, I have cut..."Thank you for the suggestion and comments. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing.
"Charismatic but cocky trillionaire Shawn Lock has a problem. He desperately wants to get his property back. Problem is, is that his real estate has been cut off from contact with Earth for roughly twenty-five years. However, a recent and strange message from a mysterious Anna Blackfield from the Eden colony high above the clouds of Venus gives him new hope. In it, Earth is once more invited back to the sister planet of Earth. And so, on the massive Earth vessel named the Icarus, a team is formed to take back his property and investigate what happened to the mysterious colony. Shawn very well may take back what he inherited from his father Tucker Lock, CEO and owner of Lock Industries during the 23rd century, but at what cost? And will he be able to deal with whatever lies on that far distant colony?
Meanwhile, idealistic and passionate Harmony Carpenter has been languishing on the colony of Eden for her entire life. Day after day, her life is a monotonous grind of checking the filtering stations found high above the clouds all over Venus – responsible for stripping the atmosphere of its dense carbon and acid molecules to eventually introduce life to the hellish planet below, and endlessly dreaming of a wealthy, gorgeous man to come and sweep her off her feet and take her away from a colony filled only with women. She may have found the love of her life in Shawn Lock and everything she ever wanted in a man, but will his arrogance and vanity drive them both apart? Will Harmony even be able to pull away from the malevolence of Anna Blackfield and the toxic culture she helped breed?
If both fail, the stakes could very well mean tyranny will reign not only on Eden and Earth, but the entire solar system as well.
The Venus Project is a 93520-word adult mainstream science-fiction novel that should appeal to men who don’t usually find masculine characters in modern day stories. Think James Holden of The Expanse series. It should also appeal to women who enjoy a strong female character who knows what she wants. Such as Jasmine Bashara from Artemis. At its heart, it’s also a monogamous romance with an upbeat positive message. And couldn’t we use a little positivity in 2020? With plenty of humor peppered throughout the prose, it has the feel and hallmarks of the 1980s television show Cheers combined with the swashbuckling adventure of Star Wars. Furthermore, The Venus Project also explores philosophical themes such as loneliness, homosexuality, despotism, and the past failures of humans throughout history all set for the modern era."
What do you think? The last part feels kinda all over the place, but maybe that's just me.