I Have Something to Tell You, by Chasten Buttigieg

[Ulysses]

I Have Something to Tell You, a memoir
By Chasten Buttigieg
Atria Books, 2020
Five stars

“Because the fact is, my story isn’t rare. In fact, it’s pretty common.”

The first thing that strikes me is that Chasten Glezman Buttigieg is thirty-one. He could be my son, as could his more famous husband Pete. The second thing that strikes me is that Chasten’s story is painfully similar to the stories of my generation’s struggle to come out and find self-acceptance. It shouldn’t be similar, my mind tells me, because my husband and I have spent our forty-five years together fighting for Gay Rights, then Lesbian and Gay Rights, finally LGTBQ Rights, so that boys like Chasten and Pete wouldn’t have to struggle the way we did. Well, clearly that didn’t go as we planned, did it? The fact that Chasten’s story is both common and painfully familiar is a measure of how far we have to go for ‘liberty and justice for all’ in this country. A long way.

There is a fresh lack of affectation in Chasten’s story. He is not a complicated guy, which is part of why his story is important. He is just a regular, working class kid from fly-over territory, who struggled with his self-identity in a place where he felt completely alone and unsupported. He discovered, as many gay kids in conservative settings do, that there was more support than he thought—but how do you know that before you try?—and how terrifying is the fear of rejection and failure before you know what will happen? Oh, I remember that, all too well, and I’d been out for nearly twenty years when Chasten was born in Traverse City, Michigan.

Chasten Buttigieg is blessed with a clear voice and a good sense of humor. There is very little whining, because he knows that, in some very important ways, he’s been lucky. I mean, he met Pete Buttigieg, after all. This is not just a touching personal memoir, but also an insider’s peek at what it is to be a politician’s significant other. It is not a place I would ever want to be, but for all the stumbling he did in his life (I mean, jeez, he and Pete met when he was 25 or 26) Chasten seems to have his head on straight (as it were) and a clear-eyed view of the world—at last.

It doesn’t matter if we never hear from Chasten and Pete again—although I hope we do. I pray we do, because I think they represent the kind of hope this country needs. This is a book worth reading because it is a story that is true and specific and honest. In a country seething with what George Putnam has called “metastasizing self-centeredness,” Chasten Buttigieg’s memoir is a rebel yell of compassion and generosity.

After finishing this, I realized I need to read Chasten’s husband Pete’s memoir,” Shortest Way Home,” if I want to get the full story. It’s on my kindle now. I’ll be back with that review before too long.

[Aussie54]

What a great review! It is a very good memoir. Pete and Chasten are perfect for each other, but have distinct personalities. This shows up well in their memoirs, which are written quite differently, but are both extremely good reads. I’m looking forward to seeing your thoughts about Pete’s story.

[Ulysses]

Aussie54 wrote: "What a great review! It is a very good memoir. Pete and Chasten are perfect for each other, but have distinct personalities. This shows up well in their memoirs, which are written quite differently..."

Thanks, Aussie. I am well into Pete's book now, and it is the first time in my life that I've read two memoirs back to back. Their combined stories read like a gay romance novel...Pete is very different as is his book. Keep looking...

[Aussie54]

Ulysses wrote: "Aussie54 wrote: "What a great review! It is a very good memoir. Pete and Chasten are perfect for each other, but have distinct personalities. This shows up well in their memoirs, which are written ..."

Will do.