Gathering Of Dedicated Scribblers discussion

10 views
Archives > The Runaway - reviews and links

Comments Showing 1-33 of 33 (33 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Malak (new)

Malak Hello everyone, I'll post everything about my project here. English is not my mother tongue therefore if you think there's something wrong with my writing please be honest.
I'll of course also give my opinion about other's works. I'm a little bit confused about every link in certain threads and though it easier to make a new one for my project.

Thank you in advance for all your help !


message 2: by Malak (last edited Sep 04, 2020 09:18PM) (new)

Malak I just had the logline idea, things are still taking shape

Logline: A boy runs away under the cover of the night. Guards are relentlessly running after him. He is granted refuge my a Captain but when the ship is in the middle of the sea, the crew realizes they just committed treason by helping the sole prince run away running away.


message 4: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Hi Malak, I tried your link and doesn't upload, something weird maybe with coursera.

I leave a review here, seems like a start of a story logline, maybe as you manage to get to the question then the logline also can incorporate this.

In the end as long as you have an idea of how the story ends and why it gets there, it doesn't matter if you don't manage to put it in the logline for now. So it seems you have a start, good luck on next part!


message 5: by Malak (new)

Malak Liavali wrote: "Hi Malak, I tried your link and doesn't upload, something weird maybe with coursera.

I leave a review here, seems like a start of a story logline, maybe as you manage to get to the question then t..."


Thanks Liavali ! I have a question I'm debating between two scenarios for now. It'll take shape around chapter 2 or 3 I believe.

I'll try to put a link again, let me know if it still fails .

Chapter 1 : https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...


message 6: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments It is working now, will read it when I can!!


message 7: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Just read your first chapter and left a review, I understand the struggle of writing in English, I'm trying to translate my story as good as I can, but it is kinda hard. We bilingual queens need to stick together.


message 8: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Ana wrote: "Just read your first chapter and left a review, I understand the struggle of writing in English, I'm trying to translate my story as good as I can, but it is kinda hard. We bilingual queens need to..."

Dang, that was cringe but I actually think we should support each other.


message 9: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in english and read and write in english almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for most of my life.

I had some personal issue with my first language, Portuguese, it's very gendered and misogynistic, but of course this is just the way it was used against me so I felt happy to leave it behind really!

Malak Ana, what are your first languages?


message 10: by Malak (last edited Sep 05, 2020 09:29AM) (new)

Malak Ana wrote: "Ana wrote: "Just read your first chapter and left a review, I understand the struggle of writing in English, I'm trying to translate my story as good as I can, but it is kinda hard. We bilingual qu..."

Don't cringe, I'd appreciate it. Thanks for the review as well. It was helpful.


message 11: by Malak (new)

Malak Liavali wrote: "It is working now, will read it when I can!!"

Thank you!
I just read your review as well, it was helpful. I'll focus on the body for now. It's true that I can work on syntax later. The story will probably change a little bit by the ending so it would probably be a waste of time to make everything perfect now.


message 12: by Malak (new)

Malak Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in English and read and write in English almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for most of my life. ..."

I learned Arabic and French before learning English. I read a lot in English now and live in a bilingual environment, but I've rarely written in English - it's always been my weakness in the language. Therefore, I decided to make it a little challenge of mine.

I understand what you mean by gendered languages, French is the same. I personally don't find it bad but, as you said, it's because I didn't have any problems with it personally. I'm glad you no longer have to face those problems!


message 13: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Look forward to read next chapter, keep going!

I have read much much worse english from native speakers, it's really not a massive issue.


message 14: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in english and read and write in english almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for most of my life. ..."

Your English is amazing, I want to be as good as you at it lol. My native language is Spanish and right now I'm learning polish ale ja nie jestem bardzo dobrze po polsku (but I'm not good at it)


message 15: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Malak wrote: "Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in English and read and write in English almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for m..."

So cool, I love french


message 16: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments I am also trying to learn my fourth language, as I live in Berlin, been trying to learn German. It is awful! I speak enough to go to shops and have minimal conversations and daily life resolving issues but that is it.

It is exhausting!


Malak we look forward to next chapter, do put link up for review when you have it!


message 17: by Malak (new)

Malak Ana wrote: "Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in english and read and write in english almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for m..."

Oh ! I think you're English seems good as well. I just found the links for your story. I'll read the 3 first ones this week.
Yo he aprendido el español and el lyceo, pero have mucho tiempo que no lo utilizando.

I'm a little busy so I'm sorry I will take more time to give my reviews.


message 18: by Malak (new)

Malak Ana wrote: "Malak wrote: "Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in English and read and write in English almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or se..."

Oh I've heard German is hard! Thanks for all encouragement. I'll continue your story as soon as I can. I'm sorry for not reviewing as fast, I'm a little bit busy. still working on chapter two as well !


message 19: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Not to worry Malak, just as you are able.

And german is ridiculously hard. The basic knowledge I have is after doing classes for 5 bloody years! Exhausting and impenetrable.


message 20: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 583 comments Du hast mich!

Haha, so many talented writers in this community. I can't help but hope for a lengthy friendship between many of us.

Soy vaquero de un rancho en Trincheras, Mexico. Pero, cuando murio mi abuelito, nadien tenia tiempo a llevar mi para visitar mi familiar ayi. Entonces no tengo chance para practicar espanol. La ultima vez que fue era en el ano '92. Que triste soy.

にほんご が すこし はなします. 2年間日本語を勉強しています.頑張ってください! Ja mata ne!


message 21: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments That's a lota languages in one message no idea what the japanese is saying!

But sad you don't get to see your family as often, and language does slip if not used but it can return very quickly by being inside it for a little while.


message 22: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 583 comments ni ho n go ga su ko shi ha na shi ma su.
nihon go ga sukoshi hanashimasu.

Japanese language (ga =particle) littlebit speak.

I'm sure it would. However, the probability of that happening now, is highly unlikely. Its okay, writing with everyone here and doing reviews is strengthening my English proficiency.


message 23: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Your english is quite fluent! I just assumed you were a native english speaker.

I find portuguese hard to get back into, even when i visit family I make so many weird mistakes at first they make fun of me, there is a BOOK of Liavali's weird portuguese.

But after less than a week it all disappears, which is why my sister likes to make sure to hear everything I say just as I arrive.


message 24: by Malak (new)

Malak Andres wrote: "Du hast mich!

Haha, so many talented writers in this community. I can't help but hope for a lengthy friendship between many of us.

Soy vaquero de un rancho en Trincheras, Mexico. Pero, cuando mu..."


Andres wrote: "Du hast mich!

Haha, so many talented writers in this community. I can't help but hope for a lengthy friendship between many of us.

Soy vaquero de un rancho en Trincheras, Mexico. Pero, cuando mu..."


Estoy triste queue no podia veer to familiar. Hay màs tiempo queue no practicamos el español pero podemos practicas aqui ! :)

日本語が難しですね!3年前に勉強しましたけど、まだ上手ではありません。頑張りましょう!

Danke!


message 25: by Andres, Thaumaturge (last edited Sep 09, 2020 11:20AM) (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 583 comments Nice! Got fancy with the kanji =D
You know, a lot of times the kanji is unfamiliar and we have to use the furugani to read what the kanji says. Kinda funny but that's what happened when their old tongue had no written word. So when they were conquering China they stole most of their writing kanji and then adopted it into their native tongue. Now a Chinese kanji can have multiple meanings in Japanese so its more common to use furu or katakana to write outside of the 1 thousandish most common kanji.

This makes Japanese very hard. They have Hiragana which is their native alphabet. The women were not allowed to write in Hiragana so the princesses created their own version of the alphabet called Katakana so they could write each other. Now they use this alphabet to depict words that are foreign to Japanese such as Hamburger. Ha-N-Ba-Ga. Then you add the 3 thousand fluency Kanji (Chinese) characters which represents an entire word rather than spelling it out. On top of that they write romanji which is a phonetic latin pronunciation of the words.
In your sentence the double box is a representation of the sun, it is pronounced Ni. Ni also means 2. This is also ni に, this is also ni ニ.

Yes, thank you. I tend to shy away from speaking Spanish now that my confidence is decreasing. However, with amazing peers like you guys, its possible that things could change =D. Thank you.


message 26: by Malak (new)

Malak Ana wrote: "Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in english and read and write in english almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for m..."

Reviewed Chapters 1 and 2 ( I read the second f=before the first by mistake so I've adapted my review in the first chapter, sorry about that )


message 27: by Malak (new)

Malak Andres wrote: "Du hast mich!

Haha, so many talented writers in this community. I can't help but hope for a lengthy friendship between many of us.

Soy vaquero de un rancho en Trincheras, Mexico. Pero, cuando mu..."



What's your story ? You're active on so many groups that I am confused as to where I can find your links !


message 28: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Thanks Malak!

Yes I am not two thirds into the novel's first draft and not doing any reviewing or paying any attention to what was before, just looking forward to finish first draft at the moment.

Annoying things is I thought i was 2 thirds in 15 000 words ago...


message 29: by Malak (last edited Sep 16, 2020 04:43PM) (new)

Malak Ana wrote: "Liavali wrote: "I'm multilingual, English is my third language but I live in english and read and write in english almost exclusively and haven't had dream in my native language or second one for m..."

Reviewed Chapters 1 and 2 ( I read the second f=before the first by mistake so I've adapted my review in the first chapter, sorry about that )


message 30: by Malak (new)

Malak Liavali wrote: "Thanks Malak!

Yes I am not two thirds into the novel's first draft and not doing any reviewing or paying any attention to what was before, just looking forward to finish first draft at the moment...."


Aww it's okay, enjoy the process. It's tiring but it'll be worth it !


message 31: by Malak (last edited Sep 16, 2020 05:19PM) (new)

Malak I changed the prince's name to Yacine ( as I changed my ideas about him, Yussef didn't seem to match him anymore)

CHapter 2 link : https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

CHapter 3 link : https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...


message 32: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 583 comments I submitted a review for your first chapter.


message 33: by Malak (new)

Malak Andres wrote: "I submitted a review for your first chapter."

I read it ! Thank you :) I'm making a file with all reviews per chapter for the second draft :)


back to top