Question E

[Jonetta]

Lee had agreed to handle the civil case for Lindsay Hamilton’s parents. Were you surprised when we were given Lindsay’s point of view? As everyone knew she was being bullied, why does it seem so difficult an issue for schools, parents and law enforcement to handle?

[Lauren]

I'm not sure what Lindsey's POV contributed to the story other than to evoke sympathy in the reader (which it does). There were no clues in these sections regarding the case.

As to why it is so difficult to prevent bullying, too often excuses are made because of their age. Adults don't want to believe that children and teens can be aggressive and violent. Girls, in particular, are often seen as innocent and incapable of violence. In my experience, girls are often worse than boys when it comes to vindictiveness and viciousness, especially toward other girls they see as a threat.

[Christina T]

I agree with you Lauren. Lindsey's POV was adding nothing but making us feel for her plight. Without it we might not have felt the anti-bullying message as deeply.

It makes me mad that no one was listening to Lindsey. Schools have been making stands against bullying a lot harder than they used to and there are strict no bullying policies in the majority of schools now. I'd say they've been making these changes for at least a decade so it surprised me nothing was done in this case.

Lindsey's mom's attitude also irritated me as her suggestions are based in her past and don't work in today's society. With social media and computers and cell phones kids can't get away from the bullying like I could 40 years ago. Once I left school the torment was over. I was lucky enough not to have been bullied at home...some kids aren't. I can't imagine what it would be like to be bullied today.

[Lauren]

Christina T wrote: "Lindsey's mom's attitude also irritated me as her suggestions are based in her past and don't work in today's society."

Agreed. Lindsay's mother's attitude was completely wrong. Her daughter was suffering and her suggestion was to stand up to the bullies. That was not at all helpful and seemed to be based on her own needs rather than her daughter's.

That marriage is not going to last. It is clear that Lindsey's father blames her mother and he isn't all that wrong.

[Jonetta]

I must say that somewhere during Lindsay’s point of view discussion, I began to get a sense that she was much more self-aware and showed no signs of wanting to take her life. She just wanted to leave skating and Scarlet Falls. It began to dawn on me that she couldn’t have committed suicide. From that perspective, her point of view led me to a conclusion I would have been totally blindsided by when her killing was revealed.

Her mother was projecting her own agenda, which is why she couldn’t “hear” her daughter. She was living vicariously through her. I don’t see her marriage lasting because her husband blames himself for not taking a stand with her. I’m not sure therapy could even help, especially now that they know she was killed and it wasn’t suicide.

I’m not convinced schools are too much better about bullying these days based on what I hear from parents about the issue. They are still looking for the wrong kinds of evidence to take action. And, parents of bullies make it even tougher as a lot of the kids are learning the behavior at home. And, social media is just brutal.

I’m with Lauren about girls being more vicious. The boys like the physical fight; the girls exert mental torture.

[Lauren]

Jonetta wrote: "And, social media is just brutal.."

Absolutely right. It also gives them a sense of anonymity. They can say things online that they would not say to someone's face and they can hide behind screen names an such. It's a cesspool!

[Jonetta]

I hate Facebook and Twitter.

[Anita]

I thought Lindsey's POV added a lot to this story. She didn't want to move to Scarlet Falls and all she wanted was to be left alone and to skate. She had some real dense parents, teachers and administrators. I'm shocked she didn't just run away.

I have three girls and none of them ever experienced bullying. I also told them I would beat them bloody if I ever heard they were bullying anyone. It all comes down to how the parents handle their children.

[Jonetta]

Okay, that would have scared me😏

[Sharon]

I found Lindsey's point of view very informative and added to the story. It also made me angry with her mother's attitude. Her mother reminds me of parents in my day. "Everyone has to learn to deal with a bully. Stand up to them" That isn't so easy when you are the new kid.

Also, it made the discovery of the video more intense. I don't expect that couple to stay married much longer.

[Lauren]

Anita wrote: "It all comes down to how the parents handle their children."

Exactly! It is the parents' responsibility to teach their children right from wrong.

[Jonetta]

Sharon wrote: " "Everyone has to learn to deal with a bully. Stand up to them..."

My mother gave me this advice when I was 4-years old. So, when I wrestled away my bully’s toy gun and cracked him over the head with it, no one was happy. What did they expect from a pre-schooler? This kid tormented me at the playground everyday. (This was back in the day when you could leave your kids unattended and we lived on an Army base.)

[Lauren]

I have an older brother - no one messed with me! :)

[Jonetta]

My older sister normally fought my battles but she was in kindergarten at the time🥰

[Sharon]

Jonetta wrote: "Sharon wrote: " "Everyone has to learn to deal with a bully. Stand up to them..."

My mother gave me this advice when I was 4-years old. So, when I wrestled away my bully’s toy gun and cracked him ..."

That's how it was for me too. I had polio, wore braces or needed a wheelchair most of my life. I cracked bullies with my crutches on more than one occasion. I got in trouble but the bullies soon learned that I could handle them.

My sister was a little meek and shy. She was intimidate by school bullies, but I didn't have a problem protecting her too.

[Jonetta]

Kudos to you, Sharon! I had a big mouth with nothing to back it up with but most of the time it worked.

Bullies are cowards. Once they know you’ll stand up to them, they find some other vulnerable person. The herd mentality, though, is rough.

[Lauren]

Jonetta wrote: "Bullies are cowards. Once they know you’ll stand up to them, they find some other vulnerable person. The herd mentality, though, is rough."

Totally! The minute their target stands up to them or put them in their place, they go off to prey on weaker people.

[Sharon]

So true Jonetta.

[Jonetta]

Sharon wrote: "My sister was a little meek and shy. She was intimidate by school bullies, but I didn't have a problem protecting her too...."

Like your style!

It’s funny...I couldn’t fight as I was a really scrawny kid but had a fearless brain. My sister struggled with her weight and was never afraid to fight on my behalf. And, I used my mouth to protect her when people said cruel things to her about her weight. We were an odd team but it worked for us! We moved almost every year for a long time so that made us vulnerable as being the new kids. But, we always made friends easily because we had each other’s back.

[Sharon]

Jonetta wrote: "Sharon wrote: "My sister was a little meek and shy. She was intimidate by school bullies, but I didn't have a problem protecting her too...."

Like your style!

When I got in trouble, my parents would punish me, but then my father came to me later and said something like "you did good." I argued if I did good why was I punished. I don't think they ever gave me a good reason.

I have cousins who moved a lot because my uncle was career military. They were always the new kid who needed to adjust. Sometimes it was an easy adjustment, sometimes not so much.

[Jonetta]

We were military brats so that’s the reason for so much moving. Having to make these adjustments gave us some great lifelong skills. I’m really grateful for my father’s career as it enriched our lives.

[Karen ♐]

I couldn't figure out why we were getting Lindsay's story at first but then as the book went on, I realized that there was more to Lindsay's story than suicide. I think her story showed us that so much harm can come from bullying.

My oldest son has always been easygoing and when he was in school, he was picked on. Mostly in high school. (He was very involved in drama and music.) When his younger brother became a freshman, all of that stopped. We have had a lot of laughs about how a younger brother fought off the guys picking on his older brother!

[Jonetta]

Hey, you just never know!