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Amanda Artist Cat
(new)
Jul 16, 2020 05:15AM

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https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...


Only, the sentences are a bit odd sometimes, but if you're aiming for a weird unusual writing voice, that's great too! ππ
IMO, you need some more paragraph breaks or commas. It's kind of weird with each sentence coming so soon right after another. It's like there's no time to breathe in between, if that makes sense.
But that could just be the style you're going for.
But that could just be the style you're going for.


Her light grey eyes looked straight into me trying to say something. Her soft, apple red lips parted and her wavy blonde hair were messed which made her look more beautiful. A pair of long golden earrings hanged in her ears. When she smiled her cheeks rose with a tinge of pinkish red. Her charismatic image was attracting everyone at the event. She looked like she was radiating light in the room.


To show Hypocrisy/ Bribing indirectly
The gray haired old man stood with his weak limbs in the endless, merciless ques waiting when the man sitting in the luxurious cabin will extend a helping hand in exchange of something beyond his pocket.