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After All this Time? Always.
message 101:
by
Jon
(new)
Apr 18, 2020 07:45PM
If you ever need to talk, you can text here or dm me. :-)
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Another of my favourite songs:Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley
It's beautifully painful. :'-P
Okay. Some background about me.Or should I call it...... "Story Time!"??
Whatever. XD
I just thought...... Why not?
I am almost 20 years old. Will turn 20 on July 8th.
I had joined Goodreads in February 2014. Started being very active in..... around December 2014 or January 2015? By very active I mean, being online all day, every day. After all, my 14 year-old self was.... not really that productive.
My "very active" days had come after my bestfriends had stopped talking to me. And I had been..... shook. It was bad. So I had seeked comfort in online friends.
I made friends here. Got attached to them. And then they left.
This happened quite a few times. It was like a cycle.
Meet someone here.
Make them your bestest friend
Fuck it up.
They leave.
Repeat.
This went on and on. It was in the beginning of 2016 that I had found some people, a group of people, not individuals, who became like my family here. Like...really. There were around 6 of us. We were a family. And we did stick together. For a while. For at least 7 months that I remember. And that's a long time. 7 months is a long time to have known some people, for a person like me, who had gotten used to people going in and out of his life like it was a hotel.
But then, something happened. We lost touch. The family drifted apart. But I still talk to 2 of them. Even now. It's been more than 4 years. Some people are here to stay, after all.
Anyway, once the family disbanded, I was on my own again. Again looking for someone who'd love me. And I did find someone. Again. And they did leave. Again.
But that's okay. Or maybe not.
Skipping to March 2017.
I was about to be 17 years old in a few months time.
And.....I had run into someone here, who... As I found out, had gone to the same school as I, for 8 years. Until I had switched schools. But anyway. This old connection blossomed into a relationship. We started dating on March 25th 2017. And.... It was great. But then.... a news came, in April 2018 that shook both of us. A harbinger of pain to come. The clouds of doom, drifting towards us.
Less than a year later, on March 21st, our relationship came to an end. After two years. Two goddamn years.
Whose fault was it?
Mine or hers?
I think it was partly mine and partly the news we had earlier received. But yes. I do blame myself. *sighs* I was an asshole. Most of the time.
But yeah. I wasn't all bad.
It's been more than a year now, and I am still stuck on my ex. How sad is that?
It's because when I love. I only know to love deeply.
Like the way you don't wanna get out of the pool, once you're comfortable inside, I hadn't wanted the relationship to end. Because now I feel lost. And guilty. And abandoned. And alone. It's not just her. It's everything that has happened in the last 6 years, and I just can't seem to get over it.
The poems I write. The songs I listen to, they scream of pain. And cause me pain. And still I hold onto them.
There's still a story left. This was just the summary. But I don't think I'll be going into more of the details here anyway. I wrote this in kind of a detached way. Except towards the end xD
My issues haven't been talked about yet xD
Jon wrote: "My issues haven't been talked about yet xD"Then why don't you talk about them?
Jon wrote: "If you ever need to talk, you can text here or dm me. :-)"Thank you. I will make sure to remember that.
Jon wrote: "Wrote a poem.... Though, might keep editing it for the better, from time to time. Blue And Gray
Noticed the sky hurting today
No bright sunlight
Just miserable and gray....
Ever wondered why..."
Oh, that's so very beautiful! You truly have a gift, my friend.
I'm always willing to listen, if you ever need to vent or let it all out. Or just chat so you know that you aren't always alone :)
@Bookworm because talking about something that qualifies as an "issue" isn't as easy as it may seem. XD
And hey, Ms. Radiant. I am glad you liked it. I just need to get in the mood to write. Mostly that's it.And aw that's really sweet of you. Same goes for you. If you ever need, just text me. Alright?
That sounds about write, there's times when everything just... flows easily, if you will.Alright, it's a deal :)
Was that a pun? XD "Sounds about write" Omg xD Even if it was a mistake, it was awesome.And yes. I ride on my emotions to write. So yes. Some of the poems I write are way too raw.
xD Oh shoot, that's embarrassing. I'd like to think I have a sense of humor but it's always accidental. Oof, Imma go hide in the corner and listen now.They're beautiful though, and that's okay. It's not about writing perfect pieces. Just write for you, not everyone else.
Hahaha *pulls you out of the corner* Stop hiding, you. It was funny. Maybe you're subconsciously funny. XD That's one way to look at it xDI am glad you find them beautiful. It's cathartic to write. It's how I let it out. Other options aren't so great. XD
And it's a deal? XD What are we dealing? Geez, snail, are you on the other side of the law? XD
(im sorry I've watched way too much Breaking Bad)
Jon wrote: "Okay. Some background about me.Or should I call it...... "Story Time!"??
Whatever. XD
I just thought...... Why not?
I am almost 20 years old. Will turn 20 on July 8th.
I had joined Goodreads in..."
aw i'm so sorry:( if you need to talk, im here
Jon, you should make a character in The Afterlife so we can rp together! (do it do it doooo itttt)Also, I totally get where you're going from with the whole ex thing. I'm not over mine either, and she's still a close friend of mine. It can be really hard. :(
XD Thank you, thank you, I'm glad you thought so. Perhaps I'll try to add a few more in my writing, if the opportunity presents itself.Oh definitely, I say you picked the best option for sure. XD Besides, in a way, it can act as a record and show how far you've come. That's one way I think of it. Maybe that makes sense, who knows.
The pact concerning talking to the other but totally, I'm completely in law enforcement. XD So me..
@Willow, that'd be great, yes. I'll try to get over my laziness and make the character soon :-PAnd I am sorry about your situation with your ex.
I am attempting to get over mine. Almost am, I think. XD
@Ms.Radiant,Of course I thought that. You are funnyyy.
Haha thanks. And yes. It shows how far I've come. It does make sense.
Hahaha fineee :-P what's "so you" ? :-P
Quarantine.Pros:
Stay at home.
Cons:
STAY AT HOME.
Ugh.
It's killing me. The workload is way more than usual? Like.... Literally. So much work.
The first 10 hours of my day go down the drain. With me sleeping and watching movies or something.
Then I have to give 4 hours to studying for an entrance exam.
Then there's German classes.
Then there's college work. Mathematics. I haven't been able to do anything. Ugh.
And then another thing in college for which I've to read articles and watch Documentaries and shit? Like damn.
I am not managing it well at all. At. All. Sigh.
Okie. 13 hours of the day left.4 go to studying.
Then another 2 go to reading articles and watching documentaries.
Hopefully 1 goes to German.
2 more go to mathematics, perhaps.
That leaves 4 hours. Of resting and chilling I'll be realistic enough to say that these hours seem pretty unrealistic, but well. A plan is better than none.*sighs*
I am insecure. About friends. And people. About who'll stay and who'll leave. About who'll last forever and who'll leave when they have their fill.I get attached too much. Too quickly. Way too much. Way too quickly. Is that bad? After a limit, yes. It's bad. It's like a garden that when you walk into it, it's beautiful. But if you walk too far, it's barren. A wasteland. A scorched land. A painful land. Where nothing grows. It seems like I travel that far, a lot. It's so hard to find my way back. I don't like being alone.
Those who stay, I doubt them that they'll leave.
Those who leave, I say I knew they'd leave.
But maybe some are those who like........ I make them leave. Maybe just to prove myself right. That they'll leave. And they actually do.
I wish someone would prove me wrong. I wish someone would stay. Sigh.
Song that I am listening to, rn....If you're meant to come back by Justin Jesso
After All This Time?Always.
Those who love us, never truly leave us.
Okay?
Okay.
It's okay to cry.
The sky does it sometimes too.
You know nothing....
Real or not real?
Real.
Sometimes, someone hurts you without intending to. Sometimes, the pain caused is nobody's fault. It just be like that..... But how do you forgive. How do you suffer. Alone. Unable to explain sigh.
Wow. What the fuck was I even saying in the above message? I was so sleepy lol. Still am. But well.
Jon wrote: "After All This Time?Always.
Those who love us, never truly leave us.
Okay?
Okay.
It's okay to cry.
The sky does it sometimes too.
You know nothing....
Real or not real?
Real."
Real or not real... *a silent tear was shed*
I hope your day was alright :)
Haha it was fine. I was just tired I guess.And aw. *pats arm* There there.
You know. I almost always remember birthdays. And I take pride in it. XDI just look at the date everyday and wonder, "Whose birthday is it today?" if a name comes to my mind, great. If it doesn't, hopefully no one I know has their birthday xD
Oo, that song is absolute gold, you have nice taste.
Aw thanks. If you know about it being Gold, then you've got nice taste in music tooooo
Hehe, alright then, if you say so. Counting Stars used to be a favorite of mine before I realized *gasp* they have other songs. I know, so shocking XD
Story of everyone's life xD It's always Counting Stars first. XD
Haha I just have to learn to explore sometimes, even if it goes against my nature xD But yes, always comes first. Brings back some wild memories though.
First you count stars, and then apologise xDAnd hahaha sameee wow. XD I remember going crazyyy.
Woah, that's deep. Sounds like my everyday life xDHahaha! XD You, crazy? Never.
Hahaha stop stealing my lines, I wanted to say that xDHaha trust me, Ms. Radiant, I am the craziest one in my friend group. All of them know that when I am there, I'll do something crazy or stupid (which is exasperating for them but they love me xD), and then we have fun xD
Hehe xD Maybe next time, but it was a great line, was it not?Oh wow, sounds familiar. xD Sounds like some great friends right there, those are the good kind. But sounds like a nice sequence to do things XD
It wasss. Well. Doesn't matter who said it. Snails United. XDHahaha really? And yes, they're great. They all are a year older than me, and academically one year ahead too. So they treat me like I am their child xD It's great. They're the best kind. And yess. A nice sequence indeed. XD
XD Snails united!Haha sounds great xD Friends like that are a blessing, my little group of peeps is very different, it's an interesting chemistry. XD You their little snail child..
Yasss! We'll start a revolution. But it'll be slow. XDI know, right xP But they're graduating this May. :-( But well. Eh.
Haha okay okay. As long y'all have a chemistry. XD
Aw haha yes. You made it sound so cute. :-P
