Query Feedback - YA Vampire Fantasy

[Kris]

Hello, I'm looking for a different set of eyes to look at my query letter. Thanks for any feedback you can give.

---

Dear Agent X,

One thousand bites. That’s all Mari needed to become a vampire. Orphaned after a fire in 19th century Japan, she signed a contract with vampires: one thousand bites in exchange for immortality. No one told her about addiction to the pleasure and pain of the vampire bite or vampires seeing her as only a meal.
Mari is sent to Harvest, a castle where vampires kill humans for small mistakes or throw them into fighting pits where they fight to the death. Mari learned how to live long enough to see the end of her contract. All it cost was her sanity. Three bites away from immortality and fighting a vampire bite addiction, Mari is determined to get revenge on the vampires that ruined so many lives. When Yuko, a woman who wants to destroy the system of vampire-human contracts, enters her life, Mari finally figures out her plan when she’s a vampire. Get revenge and free the few friends still alive.
Mari needs an army to destroy Harvest. Fortunately, Yuko has one.
HARVEST is a YA fantasy complete at 92,000 words. It is standalone with series potential.

Thank you for your consideration.

[Kris]

I didn't notice anyone responded to this. Apologies for responding so late. Thanks a lot for the feedback.

[Leah]

Hi Kris,

I actually like your opening line, "One thousand bites." It was a unique take on a vampire story and it made me want to keep reading. I also like that you mention the side effect, like the addiction.

There is just one real question I had:
If Maria wants to be a vampire so bad, why does she want revenge on other vampires?

Also, this is completely a suggestion. I think the blurb would be strong if you don't tell us she survives Harvest and becomes a vampire. The story is so much more enticing when you say she's only got 3 bites left. This makes me think oh snap! Is she gonna make it?!? Which is exactly what you want when writing a blub. You want us the reader to have to pick up your book to find out the answer. You could end it with something like "Mari finally figures out her plan, but can she stay alive long enough to free her friends and get her revenge."

I hope this helps. I would love it if you took a look at my blurb (in the same discussion link) and let me know what you think.

Regards,

Leah