Today, I shall mostly be... Showing 2,501-2,550 of 4,721

[Brass Neck]

Yeah, why did I ever bother changing undies daily?

[Collette]

Brass Neck wrote: "Collette wrote: "Har har! You're forgetting your 5 minutes of fame, Oh Goatee'd One! And Serial Kilker had a profile pic up way back on Zon."

Bet you made it your screen wallpaper! The goatee's mu..."

Nah, I printed it out and attached it to a dartboard!

[Brass Neck]

I had yours pasted to the bottom of the loo pan.

[Collette]

And you wonder why the loo gets blocked... 🙄🙄🙄

Today my only plans are quickie housework/ bear combing, while waiting for my new tv to be delivered. Nothing really wrong with the one we have but D keeps insisting the blue bits on the screen are getting bigger, so... Just happy the new one has Freeview Play as well. No more Horror Bites if it didn't.

[Brass Neck]

"And you wonder why the loo gets blocked" - apropos of which a rectangular package arrived for me yesterday from t'NHS. The missus has been drawn in the randomised Covid testing scheme so I thought maybe I had too (though it would be unlikely for 2 from the same household to get picked?). Opened it up and it's for a poop sample for colon cancer screening which must be an age-related thing since I definitely haven't sought the privilege. Just how exactly do you go about getting the small amount required from the bog-blocker specials? I suggested the missus cup her hands to catch but she didn't seem enamoured (though it's hard to tell from her permanently resting b**** face since Minnie arrived!).

Off to Tier 3 land (specifically Sheffield) to pick up the son's motor - it's OK-ish, he's in a support bubble with us and I'll try not to go in to the 'rents. Speaking of Tier 3 now the whole of Notts has been put in a couple of gigs I was going to have been kyboshed. Still, got one tonight - Matt Pearce (of '& The Mutiny' and 'Voodoo Six' fame) solo acoustic at Yardbirds where they've apparently constructed 'booths' of perspex for 2, 4 or 6 people so it'll be me and Blind Col and a table for two (date night) and on Sunday it's Bad Day Blues Band at Hope Tavern. There is talk of shoving Grimbo into tier 2 which could knacker Yardbirds and leave just the Hope Tavern (Lincolnshire) as a beacon of musical shenanigans but he's not putting much on and the social distancing inside its compact and bijou space is a joke as is the table service where the barmaid wearing a useless face shield and no mask has to lean in while you repeat your order three times at increasing spittle producing volume over the music. Wouldn't miss it for the world!

[Collette]

Brass Neck wrote: ""And you wonder why the loo gets blocked" - apropos of which a rectangular package arrived for me yesterday from t'NHS. The missus has been drawn in the randomised Covid testing scheme so I thought..."

Try pooing on a bit of kitchen towel and take it from there. It will be an age thing. I know D's had it before.

[Serial]

Collette wrote: "Brass Neck wrote: ""And you wonder why the loo gets blocked" - apropos of which a rectangular package arrived for me yesterday from t'NHS. The missus has been drawn in the randomised Covid testing ..."

Now there's a visual image I could do without.

[Serial]

"it's hard to tell from her permanently resting b**** face since Minnie arrived!)."


Face it Brass, you're headed for a single dog friendly bedsit.

Where you will fully abandon any remaining semblance of personal grooming or hygiene.
You and Minnie will eat from the same bowl.

Honestly though I think you might be really content in such a scenario

[Brass Neck]

"Honestly though I think you might be really content in such a scenario" - bliss! Like a, err.....pig in muck.

[Gordon]

This is when you'll wish you had one of those "continental shelf" toilets.

In my region they don't just faff around with little stool samples: they actually invite you in for a screening colonoscopy (only strictly a sigmoidoscopy, but they'll go further up if you can tolerate it). This lets them cut off polyps before they turn into anything nasty.

[Serial]

I've changed my profile pic to show the rosy future Brass & Minnie look forward to, once Mrs Neck shows em the door.

:0

[SussexWelsh]

Been there, seen it, done it, Gordon :-|

[Brass Neck]

Gordon wrote: "This is when you'll wish you had one of those "continental shelf" toilets.

In my region they don't just faff around with little stool samples: they actually invite you in for a screening colonosco..."

"but they'll go further up if you can tolerate it" - sounds like a sado-masochistic dream/nightmare.

Did you hear about the masochist husband who begged his sadist wife, "Hurt me, hit me, beat me," to which she replied, "No."

[Val]

I have to say a big thank you to Collette. I switched on the telly about 4.30 this afternoon, wondering which horse had won the Victoria Derby. (FYI it was Johnny Get Angry, trained by 73 year old ex-North Melbourne Kangaroos coach Dennis Pagan. He bought the horse outright for £50,000 and won a cool AU$1.3 million. It should also be noted he has only been training horses for 6 months. And it would have earned AU$21 for a $1.00 win bet). However, I digress. There was a major race coming up in Sydney (prize money of AU$7.5 million qualifies it as a major race, I'm sure you'll agree). And down near the bottom of the field was a little mare called Colette (only one l I'm afraid). So after our Collette fared pretty badly in the "This Is Us" theme, I had to plonk $5.00 on her each way and she romped home in the pouring rain earning me AU$66.50. That's £36! I'm not complaining. Thank you Colette and Collette!

[Collette]

Well done, Val. ☺️

I'm due to go away for a break to Ayr at the end of November (rebooked after March's cancelled one) but it's not looking too great this time around either. So to cheer myself up, and although it's only 31st October, my main plan today is putting the Christmas tree up. Big 7ft bugger so I'll need the ladders for some bits. Just hope I don't have last year's calamity, where on squeezing by it I went flying over my Wondercore Smart (which I'd neglected to fold the arms down on) and f****d my butt bone up yet again.

[Derek]

We'll be setting off shortly to drive to Suffolk for a weeks holiday. It's looking like it's going to be a very wet drive.

Having read the newspaper this morning, it seems that Boris might be telling us to come back again on Monday.

[Serial]

Poor kids, no trick or treating this year.

They were al ldressed in full halloween gear by 9am this morning! :0

Took my youngest girl to a shop I deliver Duck Eggs to this morning, and she got some free bags of sweets at least.

Cooking roast beef later, dug our parsnips up earlier, roast parsnips are loved by everyone here.

[Brass Neck]

Derek wrote: "We'll be setting off shortly to drive to Suffolk for a weeks holiday. It's looking like it's going to be a very wet drive.

Having read the newspaper this morning, it seems that Boris might be tell..."

..... or diverting you to Castle Barnard?

[Collette]

The tree's up, so tonight I'm gonna sit and relax with a bottle of wine and watch The Invisible Man on my stick.

[Brass Neck]

Collette wrote: "The tree's up, so tonight I'm gonna sit and relax with a bottle of wine and watch The Invisible Man on my stick."

It's Halloween, not even November! Xmas decorations should be banned until 1 December at the earliest!

[Collette]

I don't give a flying one this year, Mr B! Cheers the place up. D's face when I announced it to him last week though...

[Serial]

Collette wrote: "I don't give a flying one this year, Mr B! Cheers the place up. D's face when I announced it to him last week though..."

What a disaster.

Christmas is one day.

Minimal decorations up on Christmas eve, and torn down the day after.

[Serial]

What is it with charts on TV during the lockdown press conference?

Even Boris seemed to have drifted off during the multi chart boreothon.

[Collette]

"What a disaster.

Christmas is one day. "

To yet again quote Annie and Al "Put A Little Love In Your Heart" Tim, instead of acting like a grumpy and totally miserable old sod!

[Brass Neck]

Give people special cards to get stamped every time they go to a religious service during a year (only on exiting the service!) then bring in a legal ban on any form of Christmas celebration/decoration for houses where not one person has 10 stamps! That'd help stamp out the flagrant hypocrisy and utterly commercialised subversion of Xmas and/or drive up church attendance. Oh and we could then relegate all the crappy Xmas special programmes to a channel for the true believers (at least 10 stamps on their cards) to suffer.

Bah, and indeed, humbug!

[Derek]

So Boris has spoken. We're expecting to have to come back on Wednesday since the cottage owners would be in breach of lockdown if they let us stay on. I guess it will depend on when exactly it starts.

We did manage to book our ferry crossing to France for the weekend after next before he made his announcement. Hopefully we can still escape. F#@€ Boris!

[Serial]

Brass Neck wrote: "Give people special cards to get stamped every time they go to a religious service during a year (only on exiting the service!) then bring in a legal ban on any form of Christmas celebration/decora..."

At last a sensible solution. 10 stamps isn't nearly enough though.

[Serial]

Collette wrote: ""What a disaster.

Christmas is one day. "

To yet again quote Annie and Al "Put A Little Love In Your Heart" Tim, instead of acting like a grumpy and totally miserable old sod!"

I get completely overruled in my house anyway.
3 girls and the wife who all love christmassing the feckin house up.
And I'll cook Christmas dinner too, as usual.

[Craig White]

"at least 10 stamps"

nowhere near enough!

[Isabella]

Trouble is, the church highjacked the winter celebration of the solstice, when the dark begins to retreat. There's a lot to be said for a bit of midwinter fun. Christmas (or rather its celebration) was actually banned by a puritan Parliament for a time during the 17th century, so rationing it to the religious doesn't quite work.

I hate the enforced gaiety, the commercialism, the 'jolly' muzak in shops, the sense that anyone who isn't having a good time is either a Scrooge or a victim. Some are, but the enforced idea that we should all be together with family and friends only emphasises their lack for those who have lost such connections, willingly or not. It also puts huge strain on relationships, not just because of enforced proximity (the divorce peak) but also the expectation that everyone must join in, must include everyone, must have a good time.

For those who have reason to dread Christmas, its earlier and earlier onset only prolongs the anxiety. I liked the Icelandic Christmas lights and small gifts...

[Collette]

Serial wrote: "Collette wrote: ""What a disaster.

Christmas is one day. "

To yet again quote Annie and Al "Put A Little Love In Your Heart" Tim, instead of acting like a grumpy and totally miserable old sod!"
..."

If D was himself there'd be no tree at all I imagine. He doesn't even put the bloody lights on if l'm not there. Men! 🎄🎄🎄

[Brass Neck]

"huge strain on relationships, not just because of enforced proximity (the divorce peak)" - should be OK this year; if the relationship survived lockdown 1? Mebbes don't get a dog without the explicit sanction of the other half though! ;¬)

[Brass Neck]

Derek wrote: "So Boris has spoken. We're expecting to have to come back on Wednesday since the cottage owners would be in breach of lockdown if they let us stay on. I guess it will depend on when exactly it star..."

"F#@€ Boris!" - F#@€wit Boris! more like. If he'd 'followed the science' he'd have done it when the Welsh did it at the start of half-term which could have been extended by a week or more as education unions have been urging without massive impact on education/kids' mental health and which would put a stop to what is surely one of the greatest single engines of infection spreading - the kids, at least those without asthma, obesity and other underlying co-morbidities, who might not generally get seriously ill with Covid but they have some teachers in their 50s and 60s and go home to families, some of which are multi-generational so they can kill off their fatter, co-morbidity-blighted parents and grandparents. Of course that opportunity passed because he's a weak-willed, pompous populist prevaricator with a massively divided party with the likes of arch-Brexiteer and neo-liberal Steve Baker holding great sway at one end and the newly-elected 'Red-Wallers' who rightly fear the reckoning at the next election at the other pulling in totally different directions, not to mention the unelected puppet-master behind Bozza's throne, Cummings (bugger, I mentioned him), telling him to do God knows what because we'll never know, who indulges in English exceptionalism and ignores sage/Sage advice at every turn. I wouldn't hold out much hope of everything being alright for Xmas with this sort of belated half-arsed action which will see infection rates barely dented, deaths climbing inexorably, NHS capacity sorely stretched if not overwhelmed and businesses going to the wall especially in hospitality. I wouldn't be surprised if we then have to have a full-English (mmmm, sausages...) lockdown with schools closed in the New Year. All hail Bozza, an irresolute headless chicken PM, endlessly selling false hope and delaying taking necessary action until it's too late to avoid people directing their anger at him which inevitably and rightly leads to, guess what, people directing their anger at him. Never mind folks, Brexit's only round the corner and Trump'll give the UK a fabulous trade deal when he wins a landslide on Tues....... oh, wait, errr.......

[Serial]

Brass Neck wrote: ""huge strain on relationships, not just because of enforced proximity (the divorce peak)" - should be OK this year; if the relationship survived lockdown 1? Mebbes don't get a dog without the expli..."

Wait till your wife sees the new Dog has more Christmas gifts than herself.

[Serial]

Brass Neck wrote: "Derek wrote: "So Boris has spoken. We're expecting to have to come back on Wednesday since the cottage owners would be in breach of lockdown if they let us stay on. I guess it will depend on when e..."

Yep, I don't really understand why the UK as left it till this point to have more restrictions.

The Irish Government acted earlier, we're nearly 2 weeks into lockdown and the numbers are coming down.

I'm still against the schools staying open though. We've had a letter this week that there's been 2 cases in one of our childrens classroom.

[Brass Neck]

Already knew Friday night's gig at Grimsby Yardbirds would be the last for a while since we were going into tier 2 from yesterday and you can't meet someone from another household indoors which'd be Blind Col. It was Matt Pearce of And The Mutiny and also Voodoo Six doing a near-solo acoustic gig. I'd bought the tickets online and, since I haven't manage to sync my smartphone after many, many months to my email a/c I was a bit worried about proof of purchase and had taken a dodgy photo of the email on my laptop screen! Needn't have bothered, the tix were waiting in an envelope with my name on. I put my mask on to enter, BC who is exempt didn't and a big, almost comically ceremonial deal was made of taking our temps. Then there was a bit of palaver about where to sit us - the place has erected 4-5 foot wood and perspex screens between (but not behind!) tables and there was an unnecessary discussion about whether 2 people could be sat at a table with 3 seats but eventually it was decided that this was logistically OK and we had a stage-front table whereupon I swapped the low stools for chairs with backs! It wasn't full to the limited capacity by any means and to order drinks there was a printout of a table number and a mobile phone number to text your order. I ordered a Wolf Rock only for the bar staff to have to leg it over to tell me there wasn't any and then leg it back with my amended order, then return with the drinks, take my money and return once again with change! It would have been far easier for the bar staff to circulate, take orders AND the money returning once with the drinks AND change but hey-ho. Mr Pearce did what most artists seem to do at these rare post-lockdown/pre-lockdown 2 gigs which is to draw unnecessary attention to the weirdness of the setting which makes the atmosphere a little more tense for me ..... but hey-ho. He was entertaining enough for a fiver and threw in a couple of Prince covers including Raspberry Beret which, regrettably, he got the audience to sing along to!!!! All over and done by 9.15 though I had an hour to wait for the next bus home and slightly bad guts during the night which made me wonder if the bottled beers were a bit long in the tooth since the place had only just reopened a week ago after being closed for over 7 months??

Last gig at the (abandon all) Hope Tavern this afternoon with the Bad Day Blues Band who I've seen before and will be great, the more so as there won't be a sniff of a gig for a month and very probably longer. It's only a week since the last gig there - the landlord usually leaves a 2 week gap but I think he might have hurriedly put this on because the Moon On The Water was due to be resurrected after having to leave its Cleethorpes seafront premises today with a so-so blues band. He seems to see them as competitors but I'd always choose to pay more and travel further for the better class of blues band at the HT, ie, bands who've actually released cds rather than local 'hobby' bands who pee about and 'entertain' each other with 'jokes'. Of course since Grimsby went into tier 2 last night and having ascertained that the tables booked were not from single households the MOTW gig is cancelled while HT is in Lincs so still in tier 1 until Bonfire (of Bozza's vanities) Night. I will officially be in mourning for the death/dearth of live music from about 7pm tonight.

I met up with an ex-teaching (me not them) couple and their dog, a big Goldie, for a romp on Cleethorpes Beach in the week and all had a riot of a time whence , unbidden, they offered to have her round to be dog-sat so that's a longish side-track to Immingham (locally nicknamed Ming-Mong) and £10 avoided (though I shall give 'em some beer or wine as a token of). She's a bit clingy and subdued this morning - ate none of her breakfast - and a bit squitty which is not surprising given her lightning fast proclivity to sniff out, pick up and eat whatever is encountered on the rambling PPPs - discarded face masks, assorted garishly coloured berries, soggy slice of bread and, her favourites, bird feathers which are everywhere as the village is overrun with foxes who all need summat to eat and aren't especially good at clearing up the detritus of their repasts. I've given her a raw egg which went down OK and is a favourite of the moggies when they've got a bit of a gippy tummy. Hope I'm not dumping an 'explosive' diarrheic dawg on matey! She's now fast asleep on her back in the middle of the floor, legs akimbo.

[Post Soviet]

Thanks God for this annoying trick or treat absence this year. Call me Grinch if you like.

[Collette]

Post Soviet wrote: "Thanks God for this annoying trick or treat absence this year. Call me Grinch if you like."


We're lucky in our wee street. Any kids there were are grown up now.

[Brass Neck]

Yep not a peep here either.

Just back from the last gig (probably) of 2020 and it was a belter. Bad Day Blues Band declared they hadn't played a gig since ..... March. I resisted the urge to question out loud when they thought their next would be. Once again the efforts at interior social distancing were very limited although they had also invested in a temp gun (what's the point, you can be infectious days before symptoms show up and some folk are infectious but never develop symptoms?). Having felt sorry for the bar staff at Yardbirds doing the endless back'n'forth drinks/payment shuffle on Friday I offered to pay for all the drinks I would consume at the outset together with the timings I would like them. This blew the bar staff's collective mind so it was the back'n'forth shimmy although, since I knew they were implementing a seating plan, I got there with only 10 minutes rather than the usual hour to spare and so less drinking time (it's OK, Blind Col was driving). The band do a mix of self-penned numbers and covers, there were hints of rust but they played with gusto and the response from the assembled was, as always, never less than respectful, attentive and enthusiastic which tends to spur bands on to greater heights and ever more encores since there are no wings to disappear off to while the crowd shout for more. They declared they loved playing there, as do so many, and that they would be back ..... soon to which I let out an involuntary guffaw. If that's that is the last until 2021 it was a good 'un.

Despite the situation it looks like Graham, the landlord, is looking to stay in the game. The bands have a small area of carpeted floor to set up in with some faded black (grey now) drapes which are hung up after the Sunday carvery is cleared away. They don't cover the door to the gents' khazi but Graham's had a small drape made up which covers the door. In the Summer the men are expected to exit the bar go round the side of the pub through a door about 5 foot high where there's a mouldy urinal channel and a toilet .... or at least there was. He's knocked through from the ladies round the other end of the bar and is in the process of creating another indoor mens' wazzerie. Marvellous, except that there's currently only a single toilet in there, currently no lock on the door and the ladies, which of course I've never frequented before .... honest, must've lost space because they're down to a single small toilet cubicle and the sink's in the tiny lobby between the ladies and the new gents. Oh well, on any given Sunday Blues session it's 80%+ male and it'll be an improvement on the occasional half-pint bladder merchant squeezing past the band (I was on the front row and if I stretch my admittedly long legs out I could kick the singer's mic) in full flow, trip over the trailing cables and cause at least one of the musicians to pivot or raise their guitar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBSG9...

[Serial]

The Trumpet is coming from behind with his eyes on the prize.

Meanwhile Biden isn't sure if the election has happened or is yet to.

Come on The Trumpet.

[Brass Neck]

Reaching around and grabbing from behind mebbes. I've got everything crossed for a big win for decency and someone more worthy of the Presidency; which candidate more fits the bill I'll leave you to decide.

[Serial]

Any other men chortling away at Johnny Depp?

"Johnny Depp is a wife beater, UK judge rules in libel case"

I bet Johnny who as we know from the trial lives in a lavish bubble surrounded by yes men, just can't believe it.

ROFL....

[Serial]

Anti Climb fence going up around the White House.

I would have though a 3 ft picket fence would prove an unsurmountable barrier to Joe 'I'm going to beat George' Biden.

[Collette]

In a bad mood. That's my break to Ayr been cancelled for the 2nd time this year. Grrr!!! 🤬🤬

[Serial]

Collette wrote: "In a bad mood. That's my break to Ayr been cancelled for the 2nd time this year. Grrr!!! 🤬🤬"

Take it out on the Christmas tree, you know you want to.

[Brass Neck]

Serial wrote: "Collette wrote: "In a bad mood. That's my break to Ayr been cancelled for the 2nd time this year. Grrr!!! 🤬🤬"

Take it out on the Christmas tree, you know you want to."

That's in fairy bad taste.

[Serial]

Will you be putting your Christmas tree up yourself this year?

No, I thought I'd put it up in the lounge.

:0

[Craig White]

"my break to Ayr been cancelled"

yes, ayr has been closed down - not due to covid restrictions, but because it's a sh*tehole!

nah, sorry to hear that, collette, ayr is quite nice really, especially 'doon the front', and the cold weather tends to keep the locals in their caves! (i really can't help myself!)

[Brass Neck]

"ayr has been closed down - not due to covid restrictions, but because it's a sh*tehole!" - says the man from Kilmarnock!

[Serial]

Brass Neck wrote: ""ayr has been closed down - not due to covid restrictions, but because it's a sh*tehole!" - says the man from Kilmarnock!"

https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/147...