Prologue (To keep or not to keep)

[Jason]

I have had a bit of a debate in myself about a prologue of world history in a Novel I am working on. I don't know whether to cut it, put it at the end of the book instead of the front, or something else entirely.

It really can't be thinned down much but it's 25 pages... so a long prologue.


I decided I would post the first couple pages here and see what everyone thinks.

Would you even want to read 25 pages (This being on an 5x 8 template with size 12 Times New roman font) of this? Would it be better before or after the book. (Though it does explain a few things in the book that would not be so easily understood without it)

Let me know what you think! Thanks.


Varsia and Varsa
For eternity there was One called, Talviaol, by the tongues of all. His name is universal to all languages and through all ages.
Before the age of time Talviaol opened his clenched hands and spoke with his mouth, releasing sparkling orbs of light. Three orbs were released in the vast expanse below the dwelling place of Talviaol.
From Talviaol’s right hand came the orb named Nethium, and to him was given a fiery red light.
From Talviaol’s left hand came the orb named Zurisha and to her was given a sulfur yellow light.
The third orb proceeded from the mouth of Talviaol and was named Gemal. To Gemal was given a hyacinth blue light.
Talviaol saw the orbs and was pleased, naming them Varsia. To each Varsia He gave dominion over elements of the earth that was to be. Talviaol created the earth and its powers, giving command of its elements to Nethium, the fiery red orb of his right hand.
To Zurisha, the sulfur yellow light of his left hand, He gave dominion over all unseen forces such as wind, light, and life.
Gemal, the hyacinth blue light that proceeded from the mouth of Talviaol , was given charge over all knowledge and wisdom contained within the earth which was named Varsia after its three sentinels.
With their new powers the Varsia created the lesser guardians of the earth, Varsa. As the three orbs dashed through the world sparkling dust fell from their dissipating light trails. Every spec of dust was bent to their will to form the Varsa.
Nethium created the Nethunim, Varsa of the earth and its elements.
Zurisha created the Zurishaddai, Varsa of the unseen forces of the earth such as wind and light.
Gemal created the Gemalli, Varsa of knowledge and wisdom.
As Talviaol instructed them, the Varsia and their Varsa helpers flew over and through the land, dropping and creating with their trails of sparkling dust that lingered behind them, doing the will of their Creator. Once the surface of the earth was fashioned with all its things of nature Nethium began to grow proud of his works and desired to rule the world above his fellow Varsia. Despite his ill desires Nethium held his peace, but his desires filtered through into a forbidden creation.
As Nethium pondered his tangled desires, alone in the dark, a few flakes of sparkling dust fell from his red light. These grains, through his desires, forged another Varsa named Azrael. Azrael was created for one purpose, to be ruler over all Varsa. The other Varsa and Varsia, however, did not accept him as ruler but reported him to Talviaol.
“I have known your creation before its conception,” Talviaol told Nethium. “And as you, in your imperfection, have created Azrael whom I forbade so I have created, in my perfection, an adversary for him. Mickiel is his name and the two will strive against one another from now until the end of time.”
After being rebuked by Talviaol it grieved Nethium for what he had done. Azrael also outwardly repented for his existence but his wicked nature he hid inside himself and pondered how he may attain the position for which he had been created, King of the Varsa.
As time went on Azrael persuaded many of the Varsa to embrace him as their king, but within Azrael’s mind lay an even greater abomination, for he sought to gain power and overthrow the very throne of Talviaol himself. With such thoughts running through his head and through the minds of his minions a new race of Varsa was born, the dark Varsa.
After these things abundant life was created on the earth. All manner of life was created by Talviaol. The Varsia and Varsa chose for themselves a kingdom on the earth where they could live among Talviaol’s creations, for the Varsia loved the nature Talviaol had instructed them to build. They sought to teach the races of the world how to care for Varsia and its things of nature. But Azrael and the other dark Varsa strived against such teachings and sought to corrupt all life and nature for their own selfish purposes.
The Varsia roamed across the kingdom they had chosen for themselves, naming the lands and choosing their settlements. And there was no need of the sun or moon in those days, for the light of the Varsia themselves shone forth to brighten the land.
Nethium and the Nethunim settled foremost in the southern regions and there was a fiery red light in all the land during the day and dim darkness at night. As time went on many of the Nethunim began to yearn for other lands. They roamed the Varsian Kingdom, settling in the forests and under the earth in caves.
Zurisha and her Zurishaddai settled in the central plains of the kingdom and she named them the Sarengedeeze plains. Throughout all the land her Sulfur yellow light shone to brighten the day and dimmed at night.
Gemal and the Gemalli settled at the top of the region, naming the land Sanhadree. Sanhadree shone with a hyacinth blue light during the day and dimmed for the night. It was there that Gemal and his Varsa taught wisdom to all who wished to live in their domain.
Of all the lands in the Varsian kingdom, Sanhadree was the fairest. Lush plains, scattered forests, crystal streams and fair weather were ever present in Sanhadree.
As the kingdoms and the people grew, many races settled across the map. Many humans, fairies, nymphs, and other noble creatures settled in Sanhadree with the Gemalli. Chief among these were the humans for they sought more than any race to expand the mind.
The wisest and fairest race, the elves, however, stayed isolated from other races because through their superiority, that was given as a tool to aid the lesser races, Azrael had caused them to become haughty and arrogant.
The grandest race of all, below the elves only in beauty, were the Centaurs. They settled in the lowest region of the Varsian Kingdom, upon the southern boarder. The Centaurs were wise and sought a name for their realm from the Varsia, thus Nethium who dwelt in the lands close by named it the Traylin Realm.
The Centaurs grew in wisdom and might, making many trips to visit the Varsia and the lesser protectors, the Varsa. So much was their pursuit for betterment that they had very little dealings with the outside world.
Other races such as the minotaurs, dwarves, and other such groups roamed the land freely, often dealing with other races. The minotaurs lived nomadic lives, entangled in the excitement of constant exploration and endeavors. Because of this desire in their nature they later became a race to be feared and a chief instrument in Azrael’s bid for power over the land.
The dwarves also were corrupted through a twisting of their love for beauty and precious things. Before Azrael corrupted them, however, they were a kind and gentle people who lived in clans and loved the other races. They had much delight in physical contests and games, thus were twisted by Azrael towards war, riches, and plunder.
Despite Azrael’s twisting, the dwarves were turned back to Talviaol. One of the Varsa, Taylein by name, who loved the dwarves more than any other race left his home to dwell among them. By his careful guidance the dwarves were pulled back to Talviaol’s will. Though Taylein was never able to remove their love for riches and battle he managed to twist their inner being again, modifying the corrupt nature that Azrael had given them so it could be used for good.
Before the days of the corruption, when the dwarves and minotaurs were tainted by Azrael, the Varsia ruled the kingdom in peace and all races gathered there. During this time of peace Gemal and Zurisha were wed, joining their neighboring kingdoms.
It was after this that many of the Varsa also began to marry, blurring the lines between Nethunim, Zurishaddai, and Gemalli. Before long the separate factions of lesser protectors were mingled into one incoherent group.
It happened that all children of the Varsa were born with abilities regarding either earth, sky, water, or light. Seeing this the Varsia set up four new groups of Varsa.
There are five distinct groups of Varsa.
Earth Varsa are the guardians of the land, trees, plants, and the beasts of the earth.
Water Varsa are guardians of the waters and its inhabitants.
Air Varsa are guardians of the air, weather, and the creatures of flight.
Light Varsa are guardians of the races, watching over the affairs of mortals and the lights of the heavens.
The fifth group are dark Varsa, who roam the earth seeking self enrichment. The dark Varsa are merely those who have abandon their role in life as protectors and now seek their own gain. Dark Varsa may come from any one of the other four groups.
The immortality of the Varsa allows them to live forever unless killed while meddling in the affairs of men, whether the meddling is necessary or not is irrelevant.
Set above the Earth Varsa is Mendow, the strongest and most mightiest of all Varsa. Mendow is ultimately in charge off all that him and his people do when meddling in earthly affairs.
Shasia is leader of the Light Varsa and eldest daughter of Gemal and Zurisha. Though her parents were Varsia her powers were limited to that of an original Varsa. She has often appeared to the races of Varsia in their darkest hours to aid and advise. Her and her people keep careful watch over the races. As Shasia grew in wisdom all Varsa and mortals revered her with great reverence.
It was Shaisa, sister of Shasia, who was sought after most, however. Azrael himself sought after her, for she was fairer even than the elves. Her beauty was immortalized in verse and song. As leader of the water Varsa, Shaisa and her people watch over and tend closely the needs of the water and its inhabitants.
Arktron, leader of the air Varsa, lives with his people high in the heavens, flying the skies and watching over weather and all flying beasts. Arktron, known for his temper, is said to be the source of most, if not all, storms and turbulent weather. Despite his disposition he is a fervent and loyal follower of Talviaol his God.
The dark Varsa have no official leader, no authority. They have abandoned the traditional ways and sought self gain rather than doing their eternal jobs. However, Azrael is regarded as the most powerful of all dark Varsa and holds a dominant place among them all.

[S.J.]

I think that if you start the book with this you'll lose your audience before they get halfway through it. This would probably be better as an appendix at the back of the book.

[carol. , Senor Crabbypants]

Jason, I appreciate that you are looking for thoughts regarding your writing, but there are groups on Goodreads specifically for this purpose. Technically, these posts likely belong in our Self-Promotion thread, because really, you are talking about and encouraging others to talk about your work. I appreciate the need to workshop, but again, there are GR groups specifically for this purpose. Both Brenda and S.J. are writers, so they might be able to further suggest groups on GR that will work for what you are looking for.

[Brenda]

No. I won't read a prologue, surely not of that length. Put it in the back if you must, but I would cut it entirely. If the work can't stand on its own two legs, it's not written right.
And remember that if it's up on Amazon then the Look Inside feature means this will be the very first thing your possible customer sees. You have only one chance to hook 'em and reel 'em in. Don't blow it.

[Jason]

Thanks for the advice I will have to make some arrangements, but that can be done.


Sorry Carol, (I thought I was in the self promotion thread) but I will try and be sure it is in the proper place.

[carol. , Senor Crabbypants]

MrsJ moved it for you :D

[S.J.]

Where was it moved to?

[Jason]

Ah, thank you! That would explain it.

[carol. , Senor Crabbypants]

S.J. wrote: "Where was it moved to?"

It's current folder. It started in "novels."