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Just wanted to thank all of you who took the time to read and review my book!CW Lamb
Woody wrote: "Loved the book. Can't wait for book 2."Thanks! trying to get it out as soon as possible!
I really enjoyed the book, so far, and I'm almost done with it. I wanted to take a little time and talk to you about a few things.First, your writing was choppy in the beginning, and that's perfectly fine with new writers... and I noted a few spelling issues mostly with spell check popping in the wrong word. If you would like an edit, let me know.
Next, have we met? I've been writing for a long time, and live in Daytona Beach at the moment. I've also been active in plural marriage as a subject of conversation as well as writing articles on it... and your name is ringing a bell with me. If I've forgotten, please forgive me my slight.
Some ideas:
1. Work on your alien names.
2. You have a great way to break up the women into groups, and in each group make a clear leader, and then expound on her and make her the clear leader in that area. The way it is I'm really struggling to build a mental picture of each of the ladies in my mind... they are far too cookie cutter. What I would do is to get them into groups and then appoint a clear leader of each group, then I would take some time to describe each woman individually in a scene that clearly sets them a distinct personality. You almost did that with the two in bed naked, and you also almost did it with Sara, but it wasn't quite enough for me when I read this many characters. Each mini story (this is my way, anyway) should have no more than three or four people in it. Think of it as a stage and a play, and clarify as if you were watching the play in person and describing it to a blind man.
3. Your MC is getting it too easy. The story builds when he doesn't have the tools he needs and has to build them, not when he does have the tools and just uses them.
4. Thank you for not taking the polygyny into lesbianism. However, I wish you had taken it into a really good argument between him and the women. I want to see the conflict and the resolution.
5. I was stationed in Fort Hood, and we never said, not once, "Attention on deck!" That's a navy or Marine term. We said, "Attention!" and the response was "At Ease!"
Matthew wrote: "I really enjoyed the book, so far, and I'm almost done with it. I wanted to take a little time and talk to you about a few things.First, your writing was choppy in the beginning, and that's perf..."
Hey Mathew, I am in Jacksonville. I do know some Mathews, but am new to writing and on this subject so it wouldn't be from there.
Last thing first, I guess you missed the part where Jake called him out on that greeting and they said they a)they recognized Jake wore the eagle globe and anchor and b) there was a Navy medic TDY at Ft Hood at the time of the fall and insisted everyone learn naval tradition as well :)
However what this does represent is related to your first point which is I need to learn to better flesh out my story. I am not a trained writer, so for me its getting the story down and then go back and embellish. Also I really didn't have a proper proofer or editor so there were some easy fixes that got overlooked. I guess its a compliment that the people that did proof it said they got so caught up in the story, they forgot to check for errors at times.
For the NeHaw, I was trying for a pattern naming rather than exotic. to be honest, I wasn't sure anyone would even care to read this as its my first attempt, so for book 2 the other 5 races are getting a boost in details.
As for the polygamy, thats the funniest part of all. This was originally intended as a side story, a mechanism for addressing the multiple ALICE locations not disclosed until later in the story. I decided to have fun with it but tried not to make it the main driver. As you point out, this was about relationships with Jake, not a sex romp story. I tried to take positive experiences in my past and relate them to the situations.
This story takes place over the first year or so and I related that to the honeymoon stage of relationships. In book 2 the honeymoons over and as you say, there are conflicts to be resolved and emotions run higher.
In addition, due to the nature of the multi-relationship storyline, I tried to minimize the physical descriptions and give a more indepth mental image of the women's motivations. I figured this would keep the sexist branding a bay. silly me.
Book 2 also provides more clarity around the apparent ease with which Jake overcomes his alien adversaries. lets just say looks can be deceiving.
Thanks for taking the time to write this!
CW Lamb
First of all I absolutely loved your book so matter what I say in the rest of my comment just keep on doing what you are doing because I definitely couldn't do better.Second, your writing strongly reminded me of CR Daems' writing. Not so much the content but the overall feel of your book so if you haven't already and you have some free time you could check them out.
Lastly the only thing that I had a problem with while reading your book is that I had a hard time keeping track of the different Alice's locations and which characters were where at different time of the book. I actually have read the book 3 times now the 2nd time I read it so that I could write out in a chart where everybody was and what they were doing. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing because I will probably read it about 5-6 more times before the next one comes out then I will probably reread the 2 together several times as well. That's just the way I am when I find a book I like I read it over and over sometimes rereading it right after I finish without a break between the rereads so thanks for the hours of entertainment :). But anyway I'm not a writer so I don't know if that was intentional or not or if it was intentional if it something that can even be fixed.
But anyway I just had one last question and that is if you could give an estimate in broad terms of when the next book will come out are we talking weeks, month's or years. I know this time frame is different for each writer. I know I read books that can pop a really good book every month or so and then there are some that have years between their really good books and then there are writer's that seem to vary their release cycle so I can understand if you can't give us a solid release date but if you can just term it in weeks, months or years that would be awesome.
But like I said at the beginning of this comment the most important thing to get out of this is that I really liked your book :D.
LOL thank you so much for taking the time to write this. its funny you describe what you are doing as I had to do something similar for my own benefit. I am not a structured writer, so I cant say what is right, I think of myself more as a story teller. As such I tried to insure I never had someone in Alaska, then in Texas without a proper transition. Also others have pointed out I should add more depth and descriptive content for my charactors.I still use book 1 for a reference myself, flipping back to make sure I remembered things correctly.by the time I get to book 3 I am afraid I will need to create a map myself!
I should mention, I actually have a full time job and do my writing on the side. I am deep into book 2 and had hoped to release it by now, unfortunately life kicked that schedule out from under me. Rather than provide a date, let me say book 2 is soon, not weeks but less than a year! ;) I hope to have book 3 done by Christmas.
On that point, I am also reinvesting my returns on providing a better reading experience, professional covers and experienced proofers. That wont help those that think I'm a sex starved teen, but hey, you cant please everyone! ;)
Thanks again, and I am glad you enjoyed it!
CW Lamb
Though I am by no means a writer or qualified to criticize, I really enjoyed the first 2 Al:ICE books and I am eagerly awaiting book 3. As with many of the other scifi series I have read since I subscribed to amazon kindle a couple months ago, I was disappointed to reach the end and find that the next book was not available yet. I could not stop reading and I am craving more. Please finish soon! :)
I am happy to hear you enjoyed both books. I will apologize up front, that as a part time writer, I don't get to spend as much time writing as I would like. I am talking to someone to do my post editing that will both improve the final product, but also speed up the time to release.Lets all keep our fingers crossed!
Charlie
I love the first 2 books and can't wait to read the third . The non stop action in them both between the relationships and the aliens as well as trying to put the world back together just makes you to keep reading. The realationships in the book makes me want to route for jake and sara to finaly admit the love each other and have that child she wants , and the other women find love with other men. I hope jake can find more recruits to help defend earth and the alliance members . That earth can unite once again better then ever before. I would not change anything you have written in the first two books . As to the military reference terms , I think changing it to world defense is good thing you combine all the good parts of the branches of service , that I can say with honest truth because besides being as termed a military brat lol my dad was in the army , navy , and the marines as well as serving myself and my ex husand too . I really just wanted to say keep up the good work and I eagerly await your third book !
Joyce wrote: "I love the first 2 books and can't wait to read the third . The non stop action in them both between the relationships and the aliens as well as trying to put the world back together just makes you..."Thanks for the great words! Yes I was a marine, dad, uncle and brother navy with lots of army and air force family mixed in. I try and honor them all in my stories.I am working to make book 3 just as enjoyable.
Charlie
I reallyliked both books but you really need somebody to correct some of the spelling and syntax. It confused me a few times. Overall a great job and book!
Charles wrote: "I reallyliked both books but you really need somebody to correct some of the spelling and syntax. It confused me a few times. Overall a great job and book!"
Yes I am working with professional editors now to rework both titles.
thanks for the post!
Wow Paul, thanks for this great input. Yes I not a structured writer so I rely on others to help with the proper english issues. I am working with several people now as proofer/editors to clean up my stories.I do have a third book in progress now as well as an entirely new series based in a fantasy world.
Thanks again!!
I love this series, and I listen to allot of books, average about 3-5 a week, I am looking forward to book 3 the most of all series I am currently following. is there a Facebook or Twitter or somewhere to follow you more closely?
First let me say I have never been a big fan of reading books or listening to audio books not my thing. That being said I gave your book a try and for the first time that i can remember I didn't want the story to end, I was pulled in and couldn't wait to continue. When I reached the end of book one I was seriously disapointed it was over. What an awesome story thank you very much. I was very excited to find the second book I can hardly wait to get lost in your book.I don't write reviews or anything of that nature so sorry if this review is choppy its my first and I'm 40yrs old... I'm just a regular guy with 4 kids and a wife who decided to give this book stuff a try and I hit the jackpot with your story. You have made a life long reader with me and I will gladly continue to buy your books. So please keep doing an amazing job and giving this old guy an amazing place to escape to.
Charles wrote: "Wow Paul, thanks for this great input. Yes I not a structured writer so I rely on others to help with the proper english issues. I am working with several people now as proofer/editors to clean up ..."Yes, I have a facebook page under CW Lamb. you will see the cover for book 2 on it.
I am glad you enjoy the series, I am in the middle of book 3!
Mark wrote: "First let me say I have never been a big fan of reading books or listening to audio books not my thing. That being said I gave your book a try and for the first time that i can remember I didn't wa..."I am really happy to hear my book didn't disappoint you! I am busy writing book 3 and have a different series started as well.
This book was ridiculously good. I'm not saying the first one was bad by any means but the second one was better. I can't wait for the third one to come out. I agree with some of the previous entries in that I believe Jake has had it almost too easy. although with the second book there was a fair amount of problems and conflict. I can't wait to see what the third book brings. Hopefully more expansion and exploration into space?
thanks!! yes I would say that I am growing as a writer and hope to show even more development for book 3.
half way through the second so far and really enjoying it, as others my only real problem is some of the spelling and syntax... often occurring in situations where the other word will still pass a spell check, but be totally wrong. My biggest pet peeve of those is the difference between "rigid" and "ridged", when you are talking about a character being strong willed and having an iron spine rigid is the right choice, whereas ridged implies protrusions or spines, potentially for her pleasure ;-) otherwise great work :-)
Damn I thought I had that fixed. thanks. I am planning on going over both books 1 and 2 again but just need to fit it into my schedule.
Charles wrote: "Damn I thought I had that fixed. thanks. I am planning on going over both books 1 and 2 again but just need to fit it into my schedule."could be fixed already, mainly noticed it in the first book, and i got it awhile ago and just got around to reading it, so it may not be the latest version.
Ah yes it was in the earlier version. someone kindly reported it so I updated it then. I really want to go through both books 1 and 2 as I have learned so much since the early attempts, but then I am not working on the new stuff.
I have now read 1/3 of the current Kindle edition of the first book. A bit stumped by several basic grammatic errors this far, would recommend you find a better proofing software. It is easier to enjoy the story when this is less of an issue. It also seems to me that the personality of your characters could be significantly improved if you spent the effort to vary word choices and speech patterns, and at least for the main characters assigned more individual traits; That the protagonist have seemingly the same speech-patterns and is at no point misunderstood by or misunderstands the 150 year younger people he has met this far in the story just seems too easy, improving this could easily make the story more realistic even without making any great point of it.Examples:
- Consistent misuse of "hanger" and "hangar" when meaning aircraft-hangar and clothes-hanger respectively.
- "Sandy was becoming into" should be eg. "Sandy was becoming" or "Sandy was turning into"
-Repetitive use of "Yup" in affirmitive answers to questions by several very different characters.
-Dropped pronouns in the narrative, while ok in speech and inner thoughts, does not make it an easier read (eg. "After verifying with Becky her patients" should be eg. "After verifying with Becky that her patients").
Will there be a 4th book? I rely enjoyed the first 3,and would love to see what will happen next.
Katie wrote: "Will there be a 4th book? I rely enjoyed the first 3,and would love to see what will happen next."Yes I am working on book 4 now. I hope to have it completed by early next year. I am glad you are enjoying the series!
Charlie
Glad to hear it. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Katie wrote: "Glad to hear it. Can't wait to see what happens next."Me Too! ;)
I've just finished the audiobook Alice Book 3. Fantastic series. I understand Book 4 will be finished early 2017, I was wondering when the audiobook version of Book 4 will also be available too please.
I am very interested in your feedback on the audio books. I have tried to listen to them several times, but the voice in my head doesn't match the reader! ;)I use a professional company to do the audio books and they have their top reader doing my books, but for me its not the same.
They have offered to publish book 4 and it usually takes about 2 months to release once I provide the finished copy.
Please let me know your thoughts?
Charlie
Charles, I too really like the book and I too noticed the spelling and grammar and didn't hive a hoot. A good story is just that. I have done some amateur writing myself and you and I are similar only you did the hard part and finished a whole book and published it and now you are on your way. Way to go gunny. I am ex-navy secret warfare wet and sandy. I am also an engineering technician which is what they call non-degreed engineers. Something tells me you have some skills in that area as well. God bless Ya, I am half way through book 3 and looking forward to book 4.
That's awesome Dan, thanks! Book 4 should be particularly interesting to you as its Space War. As for completing your book, Book 1 took me 3 years to finish and then another year of rejections before I went Indie with it. yes I desperately need an editor, the one I have now is pricey and adds months to the release but is worth every dime. he is working on the series I have with the agent, I am still going seat of the pants with the ALICE series.
Charles wrote: "I am very interested in your feedback on the audio books. I have tried to listen to them several times, but the voice in my head doesn't match the reader! ;)I use a professional company to do the..."
The narrator David Drummond did a great job with your material. His style and pace were a good fit for the books theme and tone. I listened to the first 3 back to back and enjoyed all of them.
Anthoney wrote: "Charles wrote: "I am very interested in your feedback on the audio books. I have tried to listen to them several times, but the voice in my head doesn't match the reader! ;)I use a professional c..."
Thanks for the feedback. As I am not an audio book user it helps to hear what others think!
I'm waiting for book 4 in audio also. Love them all. I also like the narrator. I no longer have time to just sit and read. I cross stitch and listen to audio books. Keep them coming.
Laura wrote: "I'm waiting for book 4 in audio also. Love them all. I also like the narrator. I no longer have time to just sit and read. I cross stitch and listen to audio books. Keep them coming."Thanks for the kind words. I am just finishing book 4 now and have a deal to have the same narrator read it.
Thanks!
Hi Charles, very glad to hear you almost finished with book. Really looking forward to it. I may start over and read the 1st 3 again.
It will soon be ready for the proofers to tell me if I didn't miss anything.
Hi! Came to this site Looking for #4 did not find it listed yet.
Dan wrote: "Hi! Came to this site Looking for #4 did not find it listed yet."Yes they gave it to the dead Charles Lamb, but its on my list now! :)
Wow! Mistakes like that could ruin your whole day!
BTW knowing my ancestors name I tried to write as CW Lamb to avoid this confusion.