Feedback on query YA Adventure/Zombie-apocalypse

[Keith]

I'm totally not grabbed by your blurb. It's long - the supposed sweet spot is 100-150 words - and feels very repetitive to me. I'm not really clear on what his stakes are, nor obstacles.

Also, you need some comps, or books you'd expect to be shelved along with yours. Books that sold well, but aren't famous.

Generally you like to have a sentence or two bio, focused on elements about yourself that can help sell your novel.

It's also best to include your target age (YA) in the query, as well as including a sentence or two customized for each agent. The latter's purpose is to demonstrate you've done some minimal due diligence to know your novel is likely to be a fit for what the agent represents.

Note that an agent typically will expect to be hooked in the first 10 seconds and will usually make a decision within 30 seconds. And they're all looking for reasons to say 'no' (and no answer means no). Good agents get 100-500 of these each week.

[Hayley]

I have had a little go at it. Only five minutes. See what you think. The query letter should grab quickly. They will want a full synopsis, beginning, middle and ending. And possibly7 an elevator pitch.

Elliot dreams of freedom, outside the safety of the tall walls that keep them safe from the infected. He is desperate to escape his father's cruelty and the Suits, a secretive group that rules over the people. And he’s finding out that he isn’t alone. Others, ignoring the suits rules, wish to escape with him into the forest despite the dangers that await them.

These choices set forth an unravelling of discoveries, an uncertain future, and a fight for survival.

Complete at 91,000 words, Unrestless is the coming of age story of friendship and survival in an apocalyptic future world.

[Hayley]

Above is more of a blurb than a query. Look online for the perfect query letter and tailor it to suit. You need to spend more than five minutes on it (like I just did) lol

[RK]

I can't see the hook that makes your book different from every other submission that crosses an agent's desk. What do you love about it that makes it stand out?

Check out queryshark.com. An agent runs the site.