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Bulletin Board > Need help on figuring out an angle on a story

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message 1: by Renee E (new)

Renee E He installs a new peephole he found in his basement/attic.


message 2: by Renee E (last edited Nov 26, 2014 10:49AM) (new)

Renee E You don't have to explain everything, all the whys and how-for-comes. Leave some of that to the reader's imagination!

Who knows what kind of person lived there before he did . . .


message 3: by G.R. (new)

G.R. Paskoff (grpaskoff) | 64 comments Is his new perception based on his own fantasy of the person within the person, or is it the true perception of the person that might not even be known to the individual? If this is the case, it might need to involve a magic element of some kind. I like Maxwell's suggestion, and maybe the dressing table mirror has some arcane or haunted history to it. Here is another suggestion, though it would take the story in a different direction: he witnesses a horrific crime and his guilt over his inaction and the knowledge that he may be the only witness to the crime causes him to skew everything he views through the peephole/windows from that point. Maybe he believes that the killer saw him. Maybe he saw the crime but did not get a good look at the killer and believes someone out there on the edge of his 'world' may soon be coming for him.

Good luck with the story.


message 4: by Jay (new)

Jay Parks (jay_parks) | 10 comments The story begins with an old crone knocking on his door.

It's not a rip-off of the Disney Beauty and the Beast, it's a rip-off of a thousand old fairy tales. And while the crone and setup can rightfully be called "stereotype," this is a short story, so using a few shortcuts may be necessary.

He won't come out, he's rude to her, and his justification is something like, "The world out there is filled with ugly lies. Thank you, no, I'll stay in here where I can make it to suit myself."

And her response is something like, "Then maybe if you saw the TRUTH of the world outside, you'd also begin to understand how fragile and beautiful it can be."

NO, you don't have to follow this trite fairy-tale opening, but I don't think it should "just happen." I think the magical change should happen for a reason, and whatever that reason is, it should set up and foreshadow the ending.


message 5: by Shirley (new)

Shirley McLain (shirleymclain) | 58 comments He could have been famous before he started hiding from the world and someone found him. One of the times he was looking out the window a camera flash went off in is eyes and thats when he began noticing the change. The flash rewired his brain.


message 6: by Arielle (last edited Nov 26, 2014 01:33PM) (new)

Arielle Hunter (ariellehunter) | 1 comments Since we see "through" our eyes, but "with" our brain, it seems something should happen to his mind, making the whole thing more spiritual/metaphysical. And once you get into that realm anything and everything are on the table.


message 7: by Rory (new)

Rory | 104 comments Deanna wrote: "G.R. wrote: "Is his new perception based on his own fantasy of the person within the person, or is it the true perception of the person that might not even be known to the individual? If this is th..."

Deanna, Often times people and their psyche change with trauma. Such as the death of a beloved mother who had largely run his life prior. Other trauma such as witnessing a murder or suffering a stroke etc. Just a thought. Rory


message 8: by Renee E (last edited Nov 26, 2014 03:57PM) (new)

Renee E Deanna wrote:But I do have to explain why yesterday he saw people normally and today he doesn't...that's why I need a neat angle for what happens and was thinking of a flash of light of some kind that affects his eye.

That's what finding the *new* peephole and installing it does. He sees differently through it than he did the old one.

Have you tried asking your character what happened?


message 9: by G.T. (new)

G.T. Trickle (goodreadscomgttrickle) Deanna wrote: "I am working on a short story anthology and one of the stories involves a man who is a voyeur, but also an agoraphobic so he does not leave his house...instead he watches out through the peephole o..."

Very simple one -- his doctor prescribed a new medication for anxiety. He's suffering from the delusional side effects many anxiety/bi-polar/schizo/steroid/sleep pills have. Just put a sentence in that he gulped down the new freakin pills. No pill was ever going to make him leave the house. He hated them all.


message 10: by Renee E (new)

Renee E That's a good twist at the end, very Twilight Zone/Hitchcock, with a modern gothic vibe.

I have a tendency to go there myself, lol.


message 11: by Micah (new)

Micah Sisk (micahrsisk) I don't think you have to explain it really. The exact mechanism isn't what's important...and in fact if you explain it too much you may cheapen the startling ability by removing some of its power and mystery...just like the monster in a movie is always more frightening when it's only partially revealed than when you see the actor in a rubber suit.

Rather than some explicitly stated agent of change, I think I'd go for more of a psychological change. Like the protagonist has a dream, something that hints at their own mental problems...what made them a voyeur, what made them agoraphobic? Reflecting on those things through the vehicle of a revelatory experience like a surreal dream...the protagonist wakes up somewhere else in their house, staring into a mirror and seeing reflected there their own true self.

Shocked and unable to confront that image again, they begin to see others in the same way.


message 12: by G.R. (new)

G.R. Paskoff (grpaskoff) | 64 comments Ah! So it is supposed to be an Edgar Allen Poe "Tell-tale Heart" type of story. I wasn't sure when I first commented yesterday. You don't mention whether the causal factor is integral or incidental to the story. But here is another idea that came to me last night that involves a more metaphysical twist.

A mysterious package is accidentally (or intentionally?) delivered to his house. Inside is a pair of binoculars that provide the new perception you describe. But who sent the package and why? What is the sender's true intention? Is it to enlighten him, or drive him mad?

Hope this helps.


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