Query YA Mystery

[Jackiem]

I've been getting some good responses, but no requests from the following letter. Any advice on how to take it to the next level would be appreciated.

Dear Agent,
I learned you are looking for female-focused YA contemporary. I am seeking representation for my first novel, ALYSSA.
Alyssa Kirkman was always the perfect girl: varsity soccer captain, advanced science classes, and dating the equally gorgeous Cody Velasquez. And then, one day, she vanished. And no one noticed.
Well, someone did. An unnamed narrator comes home from her freshman year from college and learns from Alyssa’s sister, Nicole, that she’s disappeared. The narrator hasn’t spoken to Alyssa since ninth grade, ever since…well, never mind that.
Alyssa’s parents seem oblivious to their daughter’s disappearance, which Nicole can’t comprehend. To help locate her sister, the narrator contacts Cody (who, in addition to being Alyssa’s ex, also happens to be her ex. This has almost nothing to do with the end of their friendship). Together, the narrator, Cody, and Nicole discover that Alyssa was failing her advanced classes, fighting with her demanding parents, and hiding a case of crippling depression. But that’s just the start of her secrets.
To get to the truth, the narrator will have to confront Alyssa’s perfectionist mother, work out her complicated feelings for Cody, and finally untangle why their friendship ended in the first place. She will have to work quickly, though, because the trio soon learns that Alyssa has stopped taking her depression medication—and wherever she is, she might be a danger to herself.
ALYSSA is a standalone YA contemporary of about 69,000 words. The novel has teen/adult crossover appeal similar to John Green’s Paper Towns and Kimberly McCreight’s Reconstructing Amelia but also takes inspiration from Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca.

[L.C.]

The part "To help locate her sister, the narrator contacts Cody" is confusing. Did you mean, "To help locate Alyssa, the narrator..." because your previous version implies that Alyssa is the narrator's sister.

Overall, I think that this query sort of tells us too much. It takes away some of the interest. I would save some of these details for your synopsis, specifically the parts where you hint at what could have led to the friendship breakup, the details about what Alyssa has been hiding (maybe only keep the crippling depression part), the part about Cody being both their exes...stuff like that could be saved for later because it kind of bogs down your query.

Also, I'm wondering if this should be called a YA Mystery rather than a YA Contemporary?

[Keith]

I find your blurb to be confusing. 'Narrator' feels very cumbersome and makes me think, if you stick with that for the whole thing, then I might expect it to be confusing to read. While you may write in first-person, blurbs (and synopses) are generally written in third-person (past-tense). As a rule of thumb, anything that happens in the first 2/3 of the story are fair game in the blurb, so if you identify 'narrator' in the first 2/3, it's probably best to use that name in the blurb.

And "I am seeking representation for my first novel" is unnecessary, that's exactly what a query is.

You open with "I learned you are looking for female-focused YA contemporary" which sounds cumbersome to me, yet your Goodreads post says it's a YA mystery. You need to be consistent in what you're calling it, and need to be sure you target agents that are interested in what you're writing.