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Fun Stuff > Limericks

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message 1: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3518 comments Mod
I thought we used to have a place to stash our limericks, but after looking high and low, I couldn't find it.

So, here's the spot - let 'em rip!


message 2: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1552 comments Mod
A topic for limericks existed
The bulk of which were quite twisted
To out-weird, folks competed
'til someone deleted
Each entry the others had listed.


message 3: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Introduction of limericks is trouble,
Some of us which it is double.
people are crude,
and sometimes their rude.
This topic could end up as rubble.


message 4: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3518 comments Mod
description


message 5: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Cool!


CartoonistAndre | 725 comments Great limerick Joel- brought a smile! But Melki, If you wrote that gem, you should receive a Limerick Pulitzer! Well done!


message 7: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3518 comments Mod
CartoonistAndre wrote: "Great limerick Joel- brought a smile! But Melki, If you wrote that gem, you should receive a Limerick Pulitzer! Well done!"

I wish I could take credit, but that is by Zach Weiner of the comic strip Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3201


CartoonistAndre | 725 comments Thanks for the link. The limerick was very clever but the preceding cartoons were a bit disappointing.


message 9: by Rich (new)

Rich Leder (richleder) | 64 comments The thing about limerick placement
Is that it resides in the basement
Of poetic device
So The Humour Club's nice
To give it an upward retracement

Thanks, Melki, for providing us limerickers a place to rhyme.


message 10: by Pseudonymous (last edited Dec 18, 2014 02:14PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments
In Which Pseudo Explains Darwin

Apes, you know, are not monkeys,
Don't swing in that family's trees.
But Ape and Man,
You understand
Share their ancestral fleas.



message 11: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 13, 2015 09:20AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments
In Which Pseudo Reports
on the Recent Formal State
Dinner at the White House


The President was Mr. Obama.
The Tibetan, a high-ranking lama.
The President, at least,
dressed up for the feast,
But the lama wore only pajama.



message 12: by Pseudonymous (last edited Dec 18, 2014 02:33PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments
Pseudo's Rule 23 for Humor Writing

Get out the feathers and tar,
for in writing jokes there are
no greater sins
than when one begins
"A man walked into a bar."



message 13: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Though I would accept it if it begins "A man walked into a b'ar". I saw a video of a guy nearly doing that while texting.


message 14: by Pseudonymous (last edited Dec 18, 2014 05:25PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Rebecca wrote: "Though I would accept it if it begins "A man walked into a b'ar". I saw a video of a guy nearly doing that while texting."

Nice twist. But who will take up Rebecca's challenge. A joke or limerick about a man who walked into a b'ar. How about you Rich? Or you Rodney? Or Joel? Or you Dan'l? Or you out there, whoever you are?


message 15: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
I would, but I seem to have an inordinate amount of difficulty with the limerick form.


message 16: by Pseudonymous (last edited Dec 18, 2014 06:34PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Rebecca wrote: "I would, but I seem to have an inordinate amount of difficulty with the limerick form."

Well, so do I. See what you made me do.

Dan'l Boone and the B'ar: The Real Story

A man walked into a b'ar,
but had no desire to spar,
so he decided to scram
and went on the lam
and scrammed all the way to Qatar.

Some of words rhyme. A line or two might scan. Well, you can't expect me to rhyme and be funny too, can you?

Whose next?


message 17: by Rich (new)

Rich Leder (richleder) | 64 comments Oh no, a limerick challenge…I mean, oh good, a limerick challenge.

A man walked into a b'ar
The size and weight of a c'ar
How could he miss it?
The man did insist it
Was due to his lack of good rad'ar.

Did I mention you people are awesome?


message 18: by Jetson (last edited Dec 19, 2014 06:06AM) (new)

Jetson | 4 comments
Dan'l and the B'ar
The REALLY Real Story


A man walked into a b'ar
and said, "I know who you are.
I give you assurance
That I've got insurance.
So, let's discuss this from afar."



message 19: by Rodney (last edited Dec 19, 2014 07:31AM) (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Dan'l and the B'ar pt III

A man walks into a b'ar.
not for some drinks but some stars.
a bump on the head
and two days in bed.
for ridiculas acts he's a star.


message 20: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 06, 2015 07:53AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments
Dan'l Boone and the B'ar
The ACTUAL REALLY Real Story


A man walked into a b'ar
And said, "Oooops, too fukn far,
And nooo im not drunk
thas a lotta ffu.. kn bunk
I did'n evun .........have a fffull jar.

anwhotheffffuckryouenyway????"



"You culd use a gawddamn haircut;
I know 'at."



message 21: by Rodney (last edited Dec 19, 2014 09:03AM) (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Dan'l and the B'ar pt IV

A man walks into a b'ar.
Stumbles, gets hit by a car.
He uploaded the spiral
soon it went viral
On U-Tube now he's a star.


message 22: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 06, 2015 07:31AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments The following meta-joke appeared in a book I just read on the science of humor. It is not a limerick, but I think it is the perfect finale for our recent string of 'Man Walked into a B'ar' limericks.

A priest, a frog, a man, and a duck walk into a bar. And the bartender says, "What is this? A joke."


message 23: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 12, 2015 06:05PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments
In Which Pseudo Considers "That is
Just the Way it is in the Middle East"


The Prince of Aladdin's colony
asked for naught but peace and harmony,
but the magic lamp's genie
who was one real meanie
gave him nothing but peas and hominy.



message 24: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 27, 2015 08:32AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments In Which Pseudo Does Some Social Networking

I tried to friend the ISIS Hegemony
To see how things are between them and me
They say they'd love to see me dead
And they'd love to have my head.
But they'd otherwise rather be my enemy.



message 25: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Good thing you operate under a pseudonym!


message 26: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 14, 2015 06:40AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments In Which Pseudo Confesses

My girlfriend is Erica Babbit,
and she has a very bad Habit.
She pretends she's a nun
Who likes to have fun
And dresses like Jessica Rabbit.



message 27: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Pseudo, you amaze me! Thank you for posting your limericks. They are always a day brightener.


message 28: by Pseudonymous (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Lisa wrote: "Pseudo, you amaze me! Thank you for posting your limericks. They are always a day brightener."

Thanks. But just so you know, I'm not bad, I just write that way.


message 29: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Nice quote from the movie.


message 30: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 19, 2015 06:03AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments In which Pseudo salutes his
TV and Internet Cable Provider


We’ve got high-def cable at last,
And the number of channels is vast.
But I’m telling you dude,
We can’t afford food.
Our money’s all gone to Comcast.



message 31: by Rich (new)

Rich Leder (richleder) | 64 comments As long as we're talking TV…


In the days before basic cable
We supped at our dining room table
Now sadly it seems
Like a pack of mule teams
We eat in the HBO stable


message 32: by Pseudonymous (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Rich wrote: "As long as we're talking TV…


In the days before basic cable
We supped at our dining room table
Now sadly it seems
Like a pack of mule teams
We eat in the HBO stable"


Whoa! Good one dude. My wife and I'd feel right at home or barn or whatever.


message 33: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Rich, made me laugh! When I was in college (being the last kid out of the house) my parents developed the habit of eating in front of the TV, which totally shocked me. It also really bugged me, so when I visited, I made a point of eating in the dining room, alone.

What a self-righteous prig!


message 34: by CartoonistAndre (last edited Jan 16, 2015 04:48PM) (new)

CartoonistAndre | 725 comments Rich wrote:

In the days before basic cable
We supped at our dining room table
Now sadly it seems
Like a pack of mule teams
We eat in the HBO stable"

I could put a back beat to that, Rich! Add a little guitar- make it easy to move your feet! Well done!

Pseudo- you are like the energizer bunny of limerick!


message 35: by Rich (new)

Rich Leder (richleder) | 64 comments Rebecca wrote: "Rich, made me laugh! When I was in college (being the last kid out of the house) my parents developed the habit of eating in front of the TV, which totally shocked me. It also really bugged me, so ..."

My daughter could/does tell that same story, Rebecca. She was the last one out, and when she comes home, she can't believe we're eating in front of the tube. We so want to join her in the dining room, but we forget she's here. Kidding, kidding. We do want to join her. Honest.


message 36: by Rich (new)

Rich Leder (richleder) | 64 comments Pseudonymous wrote: "Rich wrote: "As long as we're talking TV…


In the days before basic cable
We supped at our dining room table
Now sadly it seems
Like a pack of mule teams
We eat in the HBO stable"

Whoa! Good one ..."


Utensils optional, Pseudo.


message 37: by Rich (new)

Rich Leder (richleder) | 64 comments CartoonistAndre wrote: "Rich wrote:

In the days before basic cable
We supped at our dining room table
Now sadly it seems
Like a pack of mule teams
We eat in the HBO stable"

I could put a back beat to that, Rich! Add a l..."


Thanks, CA. I'll probably say, "It's got a good beat and you can dance to it."


message 38: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
They stare at computers and grunt
When someone stands grimly in front
Of the screen-captured one
Who thinks surfing is fun
Till Mom attacks with an object that's blunt.


Well, I SAID I couldn't write limericks!


message 39: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 27, 2015 08:38AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Rebecca: Cool. They could have used you in my grandson's 2nd grade class a couple of years ago. He attended a university lab school, and every pupil had their own I-Pad. The university's IT dept. stupidly gave the grade school's I-Pads the same level of security filters as the university students', so some of the 2nd graders were seeing things that I never saw until college.

It became quite a local media scandal. Heads were rolled.


message 40: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 19, 2015 05:56AM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments In which Pseudo presents

An Ode to my Monthly Visits
to the Dermatologist

Someone sold my doctor a laser,
So she attacks my spots with that blazer.
And this may sound odd
But each day I thank God
That no one has sold her a Tazer.



message 41: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Very funny, Pseudo!

I send my spouse to the dermatologist at least annually, and he always carves off something. But it's never the thing that freaked me out and made me insist he go...


message 42: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 20, 2015 01:11PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Rebecca wrote: "Very funny, Pseudo!

I send my spouse to the dermatologist at least annually, and he always carves off something. But it's never the thing that freaked me out and made me insist he go..."


Twenty years ago, or so, I developed a growth on my shoulder which freaked my wife out. My general practitioner assured me it was harmless, but my wife wasn't having any of that, and she insisted I go to a dermatologist. The male dermatologist gave me a note, written on official dermatologist prescription pad paper, stating:
Diagnosis: Chronic seborrheic keratosis. Completely harmless as long as the patient performs absolutely no housework.

I still have that note.

P.S. I can give your husband the doctor's number if you like.


message 43: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1552 comments Mod
Of limericks, I've written a few
When there's been nothing better to do
But when things get too busy
And I'm all in a tizzy
I resort to a little haiku.


message 44: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Bravo, Joel!

Pseudo--my spouse is very happy to have the doc keep an eye on all his moles and stuff. He grew up in CA before sunscreen was popular, so it's actually pretty important to watch out. And he understands my tendency to freak out a little. My dad died of melanoma, the seeds of which were no doubt sown in HIS California boyhood. And his time at sea. And working construction...


message 45: by Pseudonymous (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Joel wrote: "Of limericks, I've written a few
When there's been nothing better to do
But when things get too busy
And I'm all in a tizzy
I resort to a little haiku."


Excellent


message 46: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 20, 2015 01:36PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Pseudo Translates the Very First Limerick in History
"Battle of the Sexes: The Beginning"
(ca. 142,500 BC)

Ogg invent fire
When family need dire
But Ogg wife complain
"Fire go out in rain"
So Ogg invent beer

And Ogg Live Happy Ever After

Anyone else care to contribute a Battle of the Sexes limerick?


message 47: by Pseudonymous (last edited Jan 20, 2015 01:30PM) (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Rebecca wrote: "Pseudo--my spouse is very happy to have the doc keep an eye on all his moles and stuff. He grew up in CA before sunscreen was popular, so it's actually pretty important to watch out...."

Sorry if I brought up bad memories. And I generally find it is a good idea to listen to my wife, too. And to my dermatologist. But especially my wife.


message 48: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
Oh, yeah--listen to your wife.

There once was a caveman named Ogg,
Who lived life in a beer-fueled fog.
But his wife wanted more,
so she showed Ogg the door,
And now Ogg's replaced by a dog.


message 49: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1552 comments Mod
Well done, you!


message 50: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
For once it came easily!


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