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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > First lines of Verge of History: Rebirth

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message 1: by Jim (new)

Jim Carnicelli (jimcarnicelli) | 71 comments Thanks to Lena for expanding this topic to include opening lines. You've all given excellent feedback on my blurbs and covers, which I have completely recreated along the way in response. I'd love to know what you think of my opener. Do you feel it orients you to the story's world and flavor? Does it intrigue you to want to read on? I welcome all comments and criticisms.

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Chapter 1 - To absent friends

begin reflection >
I want to tell you a story about how the modern world came to be. After my first five centuries, I think it's worth telling. Almost nothing remains of our earliest times, so there are those who even doubt they happened. But I know because I was there. I've seen history unfold and repeat itself in glorious and brutal cycles. I'm hoping that if you see that history through my eyes, you'll avoid making the mistakes we made and learn to cherish and preserve our home among the stars.

My name is Renee. Though none are alive today, I was born in the time of the originals. I suppose this makes me a savage, but a life is rarely so simple as to confine to a small box. Curiously, my real story begins with my death.

< end reflection

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3/9/2298 20:52 - Sol, Archeion

Dearest Bun,

I miss you. It seems I've gone down the rabbit hole after all and emerged in Wonderland. I know you're gone, but it seems fitting that you should be here, too.

So it seems I died. But you know me. Even death isn't going to slow me down. I don't really know how I died, but my head was cryopreserved. Remember how I worked for that cryonics company I told you about? I guess they decided to turn me into a popsicle for fun.

I must have died in 1996 when I was 35. I'm told it's now 2298. I'm not sure if I really believe I've been asleep 300 years, but that's what Sigma tells me.

I told Sigma a little about you and how we are best friends and pen pals. He suggested I start a new journal by writing you this letter. I know you'll never read it, but I almost feel like you're still with me.

You remember how I kept a journal before I died? I have no reason to believe it still exists. I remember my employer had lockers for each of their "residents" for when they were revived. If Dad put my journal there for me, it must have been destroyed in the fire, along with all our records and stuff. Sigma didn't even know who I was when he woke me. Only my name and "1996" were etched into the metal cask my head was in.

I'm not exactly sure how to describe Sigma. He's not human. He's an intelligent computer or something. He says the world is full of "sapients" like him and that they live together with humans. I don't get how that works, but whatever.

Sigma is old. He's been around for centuries. And 80 years ago, he and some other sapients created an outpost on this small rock far out in our solar system and named it "Archeion". He says it's a safe place to store knowledge in case of natural disasters or wars. But it looks and feels to me like a cold war era fallout shelter. So sterile and desolate.

I'm getting used to all the new gadgets. Among other things, they record everything I see, feel, and experience. Being able to play it back makes it easier for me to write this journal. So I'm going to look back and tell you about my first day.


message 2: by Lena (new)

Lena | 172 comments Mod
I would use this as the first line:

"Curiously, my real story begins with my death." It's a better hook.


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