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Journals : T-Z > Thoughts from an Introvert

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Let's be real, I am, and probably always have been, this overly anxious introvert who fears the very idea of being in the same room as someone. I have a husband. Not sure how I managed to be with someone as amazing as him, but I have him. I have friends. Well, A friend, and the rest are either people that agitate me, or "would have been" friends if I'd ever get over my awkwardness. I can't explain why it's so hard for me to just simply stand across from a person and say "Hey." Perhaps it's my mind imagining every possible negative outcome that could happen. Maybe it's all those times I've been put down. Maybe, it's because I'm too awkward to stutter a greeting.

That is why I find myself on these online groups. It's easier to talk to people, easier to ignore the fact that you might be ignored or put down. Easier to hide the feelings of anxiety and fear. Easier to write, just as easy as it is for some people to simply make conversation. And, as seen, I write to my heart's content, which could be hardly anything or paragraph upon paragraph. Just depends on what all my mind may be holding behind its doors. With this being said, here lives my mind's journal.


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

You ever feel like you were meant for something more in this world? More than just showing up to work for every eight, dreadfully long, hour shift. More than just watching T.V, or reading books that only widens your imagination rather than expands your knowledge. More than taking worthless online classes that don't even make sense, but you don't have the finance to attempt actual classes. Of course, there is more that I could do in my spare time. I could probably make a difference in someone's life. Could probably try and save lives or attempt some heroic action. I could try and make the lives of my family better in the future.

The only problem is, all those choices, all those "could haves," all those wishes, were things I needed to have decided on earlier on in my life, when I had the time. Everyone thinks that when they're young, they've got time. Time for what exactly? To party around, get drunk or high, maybe both, flunk your classes because student loans has got your back. Maybe play video games all day long, stream your videos on YouTube or Twitch or some other social media, in high hopes that maybe someday you'll be as famous as the other YouTubers. Some people actually do make it. Most waste that precious time on something that ends at a brick wall. There's no such thing as "you've got time." Decisions come fast, like a baseball being hurled at you at high speeds. If you make one wrong choice, it send all those neatly aligned dominoes that you had set up in your life, tumble down with pure ease.

I made too many wrong decisions. I knew they were wrong when I had made them too. Procrastination was my worst decision. Not just with school, but with bills and work and self improvement. I screwed myself over more easily than fire could burn me. Now I fear those choices will haunt my family. Haunt my child. What can I do to fix those decision? To make things better for those around me? What can I do but hope I make the best possible decisions when they appear? What will I do when I make yet another wrong choice.


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Sometimes I wish life was like Sims. Decisions seem easier, the jobs seem cooler, gaining skills that could actually help you in life is easier. Heck, you can even modify your appearance to make you look however you'd prefer to look. You play god of your own life. Sometimes I wish that's how life was, but then I realize, it's harder to play god than it is to simply follow directions.


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

My midwife said I should work out more, being pregnant and all. Keep in mind, I walk a mile a day and in my head believe that is all the work out I need. So I asked my husband to help me with working out and all.

So my husband wakes me up today and takes me on a lovely walk around the mall! I got coffee afterwards and sugared pretzels <3
Little did I know he was preparing me for 30 lunges and 3 sets of 10 second wall sits -_-
So how do I know I'm officially out of shape? I could hardly hold a wall sit for 10 seconds...and my right leg almost gave out on me doing 5 lunges...
Long story short: apparently walking a mile every day doesn't ACTUALLY count as working out


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

I've been in this odd mood today, in which literally everything and anything doesn't spike my interest. Not reading, not crocheting, not watching T.V or even playing video games. I get that way sometimes, where I mentally feel 'stuck,' and I can never find a way to stop it from happening or end it when it comes. It worries my husband, the poor soul, and when he tries to make me happy or plan something, I get frustrated. Not at him of course, but at myself. Why can't I play along? Go on a journey? He doesn't understand what I mean when I tell him I feel stuck, like my body can't mentally or physically figure out what to do. Of course I know he doesn't understand, which frustrates me all the more, because I have found myself in this awful state in the first place. So does anyone know what I should do when this happens? Am I the only one this happens to? Is there no way of fixing it?


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