Looking for Alaska
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I know I should leave, that waiting is pointless, but I can't bring myself to go. I need to be there for them if they come. They won't but I can't chance it.
I can't come back here anymore. Too many bad memories, too many skeletons in my closet. I'm even changing my name. Caden will be dead and buried with everyone in this town. From now on I'll be Trevor. Trevor Hasting.
I hear footsteps approaching and whirl around, expecting to find their group. But it's the one I least expected to find standing right before me: Keegan. Before he can even say anything, I begin to walk away.
I can't deal with him. They had always always hated him and I never understood why. Til now. Now I understand. Keegan trots behind me to catch up. "Wait a sec man I wanna talk to you." I just keep walking like he isn't there. "Come on Caden stop for a minutes will ya?" I whirl around to face him.
"Why? Why couldn't you just leave it all alone," I shout at him. "I-I... Was just trying to help,' he stutters. "I couldn't just watch you leave the hospital before you had your surgery."
"IT WAS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!" I scream. "You, don't have any right to be involved in ANYTHING in my life!" Tears begin to stream down my face. I shouldn't cry in front of him but I can't help it. "You ruined everything," I say, my voice cracking.
I see anger and pain cross over his face. "Did you expect me to be able to stop her? I can't help that your girlfriend killed herself because she thought she was going to lose you!" He's screaming now and I swing my fist at him before I know what I'm doing.
He falls to the ground with a heavy thump. I say nothing as the blood drips from his nose, down his face onto the frozen guard. I've never been the violent type but I can't let this bastard get away with talking about Lena like that. He didn't know her. He didn't love her.
When he said that it wasn't his fault it just made me think of how much her suicide lies on my shoulders. It caused all of my guilt to come rushing back and it all became so abundantly overwhelming. Through punching him I felt some of it start to wash away but it will always haunt me.
I hit him again and again and again. I can't cope with this on my concious. My hand his covered in both our blood and my rage is subsiding. All that is left is pain. The pain in my hand and the pain in my heart. "Caden? What are you doing!?!?" Shouts a voice behind me. They came.
I fall to the ground, now feeling exhausted. Ashton, the leader of their group,comes to kneel by me. "Caden what happened?" "Trevor," I say, my voice rough from crying. "My name is Trevor."
"What the hell are you talking about, Caden!?" Ashton says, obviously confused and angry. I stare into his blue eyes hoping he'll understand without me speaking. He doesn't though, he never knew me well enough. Ashton turns to his sister, Leah, and says, "God. Leah, help him up and bandage up his stupid ass. Maybe he'll talk to you." He starts toward Keegan but not before I hear him mutter, "dumbass" under his breath.
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I've been standing here for what feels like hours, waiting for them to arrive. They aren't coming. They never have.