Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion
Weekly Short Story Contests
>
Week 232 (October 5th-12). Stories. Topic: Technophobe
date
newest »
newest »
Mark wrote: "The Sound and Furyby Mark Reeves
380 words
Michael Flynn had a fine ear. Highly trained and tuned to organic vibration. He had but one aversion, artificial sound. Bits and bytes of electronically..."
You have a great gift with words, Mark! I especially love the reference to time as cold honey and the migratory soul. Great writing.
As usual, everyone has really well written and interesting stories -- it's always a challenge to come up with something that meets the high quality bar you all set. I've been struggling to find time to write, & have been working on my story in bits and drabs each day,-hopefully I'll get something in on time.
I hope you get something in too, Anne. You're a wonderful writer yourself. :)
Thank you, Anne! And thank you, once again, Garrison!
Garrison wrote: "I hope you get something in too, Anne. You're a wonderful writer yourself. :)"Thanks Garrison! You're a sweetie!
XXXXOOOOOO
I kept seeing you Melissa post your earliest stories and so I didn't want to criticize and didn't say anything because I wanted to just encourage you.I've noticed as you keep writing you've improved immensely and for that I think you are awesome. This story is a huge example of that.
You've got the skills, Melissa!
CJ - Thank you for saying this. I really appreciate it. I've been kind of down about some things lately and I probably took your comments the wrong way. I have done some "re-evaluating" of myself, I guess you can say and I am going to keep on keepin' on and doing my best. Thank you for your unintentional nudge!
Anne wrote: "Garrison wrote: "I hope you get something in too, Anne. You're a wonderful writer yourself. :)"Thanks Garrison! You're a sweetie!
XXXXOOOOOO"
As are you, you little pumpkin pie! ^_^
Garrison wrote: "Anne wrote: "Garrison wrote: "I hope you get something in too, Anne. You're a wonderful writer yourself. :)"Thanks Garrison! You're a sweetie!
XXXXOOOOOO"
As are you, you little pumpkin pie! ^_^"
And Anne bursts into laughter at Garrison's delightful postscript.
Here I am, burning the midnight oil over my latest obsession. I've definitely broken a personal record for the longest short story I've ever written. I definitely look forward to critiques(for anyone with the patience to read through)-- What works? What doesn't? Not sure about the ending either...? So here it is...
Title: 2525Genre: Your guess is as good as mine
Words: 2978
“Happy New Year!” Stu and Sal toasted each other and threw their glasses into the fireplace. They rolled on the plush bear rug in front of the hearth, and shared their first enthusiastic kiss of the year 2525. Entwined, they basked in the glow of the natural wood fire as the light flickered across the log walls of their cabin. Stu twisted Sal’s curly gold locks around his fingers. Amused, Sal tugged on his long brown ponytail, wrapping it around her delicate fist. Their matching blue eyes danced with the comfort and joy of long companionship.
The room’s audio was playing a 550 year old song that imagined life in the year 2525. That future was here now.
“We’re still alive--” Stu grinned.
“--And in rural Montana” Sal finished, laughing.
“Unlike most everyone else, we could live just fine without TAC technology governing every step.” Stu grumbled.
“Our home away from home,” Sal sighed.
With a twinge of sadness, Sal said, “Do you think we’ll ever be able to settle here for good?”
“Ahh.”
It was a rhetorical question. They asked themselves that question every New Year. Both knew their Work was far from over. As long as TAC ran the government.
The room’s video blurted out a flash bulletin as it was programmed to do whenever significant world events were reported . Announcer Cammy Roberts wore bright red lipstick and eye makeup that contrasted sharply with pale skin and short spiky black hair. Her skin tight pencil-thin sheath glistened like morning dew in the sun.
Behind her scrolled the words TAC: Technology for the Advancement of our Civilization and below it, Your Only Hope for the Future.
Stu and Sal smiled at each other, and sat up to face the viewer.
“Yes! This must be it!” Sal’s eyes glinted with excitement as she grabbed Stu’s hand.
“They caught on faster this time,” Stu remarked.
“…Live from New Yorkdom, a special news report. TAC has reported another techno-sabotage. Mr. Pope, tell us what happened.”
An older man’s face filled the screen, saggy jowls quivering with anger.
“The Technophobes are at it again. This is the third time within a year they’ve destroyed our work. Remember, when they attack us, they attack YOU. You are the ones that will suffer...”
The man’s eyes blazed and spittle formed at the edges of his mouth as he pointed into the camera and continued his rant.
“Our new technology would have made life virtually painless. Imagine, a completely robotisized living environment – every aspect of life perfectly coordinated for you. These terrorists are a throwback to the 20th century!” he screamed out as people around him applauded.
Cammy spoke quickly,“Yes, but – forgive me for playing the devil’s advocate- but, some might not want that much control over their lives.”
“People don’t always know what’s best for them. Once they’ve experienced this new way of life, they’ll wonder how they managed without it.” The man puffed his chest out with pride.
“Some claim the robotic sensors in the home are just another way to spy on people.” Cammy persisted.
“Bah! Who would want to do that? We have more important things to do.” His large shark-teeth made his wide grin look predatory.
“So this system would also control one’s finances?”
“Manage, not control. We help balance income with expenses and debt which minimizes inflation and ensures profits. Everyone would be rich!” He beamed.
“Really? So, Mr. Pope, how thorough is the damage and how soon will you be able to resume your plans?”
His face looked like thunder. “I can’t speak to that. But we are tracking these monsters and once we have them, there will be an end to this.” He shook his fist in the air, his face purple with rage.
“Manage, my ass!” Stu had gotten up and started pacing. “They’re trying to completely control how people use their money. They’re looking for ways to siphon it without anyone noticing. The last time they tried this, it led to 50 years of civil war back in 2337 – don’t they ever learn? And he makes it sound like he’s doing us a favor.”
“And those robotic sensors to manage a household – how lame is that?”
“Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I wonder if that’s their way of trying to find us,” Stu considered. “It was good that Snake was able to access his files. Otherwise…”
Sal nodded. “He did good. So did Cammy.”
“She always does. She knows exactly what to ask without being too obvious.”
“She’s taking the greatest risk of all of us. Out there, exposed like that. If anyone ever guessed her role, “ Sal shuddered.
“Cammy, our camouflage – her name fits her perfectly.” Stu smiled fondly.
They grinned at each other. The euphoria of success hit them at the same time.
They threw their arms around each other and danced around in a circle. “It worked!” Sal exclaimed.
“Of course it did, how could you have doubted it?”
“I didn’t. But it always feels like a miracle.”
“It does, indeed. But with all of us working together…”
Their joy was muted. Only 6 left. Over the last 15 years, 12 of their group were killed or had disappeared. They had to pick their battles carefully now. They couldn’t afford mistakes.
Stu paused for a moment, thinking. “Let’s hope they haven’t gotten around to listening in on our conversations yet.”
“We’d likely hear about it before it happens.”
“Let’s hope.”
-------------------------------
Stu had founded the Technophobes nearly 15 years ago when TAC first became the ruling party & wanted to create a robotic police force. Stu and Sal had both lost family and friends to the cause over the years. They had been since been battling the abusive elements of TAC.
Stu and Sal had worked hard to become senior tech heads for the Corps of Techno-Engineers, loosely associated with TAC. Currently, they developed natural solar-based solutions to address environmental pollutants. Their efforts resulted in a 50% drop in pollution in the past 10 years. The air, water & ground pollution sensors they created were an integral part of the CentraComp System that controlled virtually all aspects of modern technology. It deployed shut-down and decontamination procedures as needed.
It was something they believed in. A perfect cover.
It was no coincidence that their environmental sensors played an integral role in thwarting TAC.
_____________________________________
Three weeks later, back home in DeeCee, they started their day in their respective offices on the third floor of their home. As members of the elite tech team, they were required to work from home, one that was programmed with the latest in audio and viewing screens.
A touch of the finger would show the state of the environment throughout the world.
A touch could reach out to anyone, anywhere.
One touch displayed political, legal, and regulatory news.
That touch was all it took to change their lives.
Two seconds after it started, Sal burst into Stu’s office, eyes wide in shock.
“Did you—“
Stu put his finger to his lips. The cheerful voice on the viewscreen announced:
All citizens will soon receive Personal Health implants designed to optimize your health and well-being. Your special implant will monitor your vital body statistics, personality and lifestyle choices in order to make the most appropriate recommendations that will improve the quality of your life, affording you unprecedented leisure to enjoy your freedom and maximize your contribution to society. Pre-programmed internal sensors will select your ideal programmable life partner and reproductive patterns to meet your unique biological needs.
To begin preparing…
Sal screeched as she thrust her finger at the screen, “Did you hear that? When did they start this? Why didn’t we hear about this sooner?” She looked back and forth between Stu and the screen.
Stu stared at the screen, lips tightened in a white line. His hands squeezed the back of the chair he stood behind.
Sal continued her rant, “Reproductive patterns? Life partner? They want to control our mates and babies now? We’ve got to get in touch---“
Stu turned to her and hissed, “Shut Up!”
Sal jerked in surprise - her partner never raised his voice at her. She paled as she stared at him, his meaning becoming agonizingly clear.
Simultaneously, they stuffed the oversized pockets of their jumpsuits with their personal Port-a-Comm links, scramblers, and the emergency survival kit that was always ready. They flew out of the office and down the stairs. Getting to the 1st floor landing, Stu opened the window & prepared to jump when the explosion blew the house up around them.
Sal looked up at the sun and the stars whirling around her face. Why was she burning up? She felt something slap at her and pull. No, let me sleep.
“We’ve got to move, Sal, c’mon, sweetheart, please.“
She changed her focus and saw Stu’s face, black and red. Most of his beautiful long hair was gone. She reached up.
And awareness set in.
Moving faster than she believed possible, she whipped up onto her feet and almost passed out.
“I’m ready.” She spoke through clenched teeth as she struggled to stay upright. Her hands grabbed at Stu as he held her waist.
“Then let’s go.”
Less than a mile away was their secret bolt hole. Officially listed as an experimental pollution processing center for new environmental hazards, it was surrounded by warning signs and sensors rigged to indicate that trespassers would likely not live out a long and happy life. Research was, of course, ongoing. Stu and Sal were the only ones with access to the old brick building in the middle of what looked like a garbage dump / construction site. Piles of wood, brick and other hazards were designed to make navigation treacherous – unless, of course, you knew the safe route.
Getting there unseen would be the challenge.
The sirens screamed out the alarm before they’d run even a block. Standing in the shadows behind an oak tree, Stu opened his comm-link and Sal followed suit.
Thumbing in the codes, he said to Sal, “It’s been awhile since we’ve had to do this under pressure.”
“Just like old times – you never forget,” Sal replied. “They’re not coming for us yet anyway. They’ll assume we blew up with the house.”
“Still, it pays to take precautions. The longer it takes them to learn we’ve reprogrammed our links, the better. We can’t afford to send up any red flags.”
“It’s how we’ve survived this long.”
Satisfied with their work, they nodded to each other.
“That should hide any communications for a while,” Sal said.
“At least until the central computer starts tracing radio waves,” Stu voiced dryly.
“As long as we can get into the bunker.”
“At least we know the codes work,” Stu patted his comm-link.
They scooted tree to tree through the narrow park bordering their housing complex. At the end, the high brick wall forced them to cross the street. They dashed across the rainbow-hued turf, ran through the building’s yard and headed for the alley beyond. Just before they cleared it, the robo-dog started howling as he launched himself at Stu, metal teeth snapping.
Pumped with adrenaline, Sal bared her teeth and launched a vicious kick, knocking its head off.
“Thanks, honey”
“Anytime, sweetie.”
Sprinting forward, they heard a woman screaming after them.
This spurred them on faster, as they raced down the alley, through an old gangway, across another street.
“C’mon, Sal, you can make it, just a few more blocks,” Stu encouraged her when she started to lag.
End of part I.
Part II.Title: 2525
Hiding across the street from the bunker, they saw the patrol. Silver metallic skin shone in the light as the robot rolled on 2 wheels in front of the fenced-in dump. The red blinking light on top of his head provided 360 degree visibility. Passing by, he turned and made a complete circuit of the perimeter in about 60 seconds. Not quite enough time for them to get across, de-code the entry and get inside without being seen.
“Got any ideas?” Stu asked. They’d been watching a few minutes. The timing wasn’t regular. The robo-patrol sometimes detoured off in other directions, but always returned.
“Actually, I do.”
Sal reached in her pocket to pull something out of her emergency kit. She waved the silver bullets in Stu’s face. “How’s your pitching arm?”
It took him a minute, then a slow grin spread across his face. “Mini Flare rockets?”
Sal nodded, her grin now matching his.
“Good girl.”
“I aims to please.”
As the patrol moved away, Sal dashed for the entry to the dump, clicking the codes on her link. The patrol started to return. Stu threw the first flare in the opposite direction. It exploded in mid-air about 10 yards back. The patrol immediately reversed position and Stu dashed over to join Sal. They made their way through the dump to the hidden entry, ready to enter the second code. Again, Sal worked the link while Stu bided his time. This time several robo-patrols came cruising along, and Stu threw another flare, this time in a different direction. It bought them just enough time to enter through the old door and descend down 2 flights of stairs.
At the bottom, they keyed in the final code that allowed them to move an old concrete wall out of the way. Safely behind, they leaned against the wall and sighed with relief.
They unlocked the comm network and opened the channels to display the visuals on the wall.
Their friends were waiting.
“Snake, Ham, my favorite hackers - good to see you guys,” Stu called out as Sal sat down at the console, her fingers clicking with fervor.
“You mean your only hackers,” Snake laughed. “As soon as I heard the broadcast, I got to work.”
“We’ve been looking through TAC, but could only get so far without you and Sal,” Ham added. “How’s our security, Sal?”
“Good, so far,” she said. “I’ve re-directed our air, water, and ground sensors. They form a perfect triangulate. The network should shield us. You can go in deep now. If need be, I’ll tap into our solar power grid.”
“Hey guys,” a soft feminine voice joined them.
“Hey, Conch. How’s life at the bottom of the ocean?” Stu asked.
“Just swimmingly fintastic. Better than you. They announced the explosion at your home.”
“Of course. Dare we hope you have something for us?”
“New IDs, new background, and a possible auto-jet-pod for your extraction, if you think you’ll need it.”
“We’ll need it,” Stu and Sal said together. “Don’t know how they got on to us, but we’re lucky to be alive.”
“Whoa, hold on, we’ve got a problem,” Sal’s voice shot up as her fingers pressed down hard.
“Our shield’s getting weaker; the grid’s not holding. They’re starting to sense us. Snake, Ham, you’ll have to back off. I’m starting to show some red bars here.”
Stu slammed his fist on the table. “How can that be? Can you tell what they’ve got?”
Ham said, “Yeah, I’m getting some back-flash. I can get through it, but it’ll take time. Sal, can we hold on a bit longer?”
Sal shook her head. “I don’t dare. They’ll nail one of us for sure .”
Stu said, “Ok, shut it down for now, everyone, let’s re-think this. Any other options?”
Conch offered, “Can we use Cammy?”
Sal and Stu looked at each other. “What do you mean?” they echoed the same thought.
“What about some reverse propaganda?”
They all thought about this for a moment, then started to smirk and nod.
And set their plans in motion.
“A special bulletin just in from TAC,” Cammy announced, her eyes blazing. “Let’s get the inside scoop from our man Pope,” She pressed some buttons and opened a viewscreen to show the man in his study.
“Mr. Pope, do you have a moment for me?”
“Of course, Cammy,” he said smoothly. “What can I – Wait, are we live?” His voice edged up.
“Of course we are,” she said sweetly, her thick eyelashes blinking as she licked her bright red lips.
Without pause, she continued, “I knew you’d want to respond to your public as quickly as possible. What can you tell us about this message that came from your office?”
Pope’s face froze. “What mes—
“This one: ‘Sources have confirmed that the TAC report about Personal Health Implants earlier today was actually staged by the Technophobes in order to discredit TAC’. What can you tell us about that?”
Pope’s face paled, as he started to speak, “Well, I don’t think –“
Cammy cut him off again, “Since the announcement this morning, the station's been flooded with comments about how ridiculous those implants would be. No one believed that TAC would REALLY be behind that. And it does seem exactly like the sort of far-fetched shenanigans a group like the Technophobes would pull, wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Pope?” Cammy tilted her head to the side and gazed at her adversary with raised eyes and pursed lips.
“Uh, I, well, that is, harrumph…”
“Oh, I know you must feel embarrassed,” her voice tinkled with laughter, as she gestured towards him with her hand, ”but really, it’s hardly YOUR fault, ha, ha.”
“No, I don’t, well, that is, I mean, an investigation is underway. We are determined to get to the bottom of these rumors.” Pope started to regain his composure.
“Well, thank you very much, you’ve been so helpful, as always. Cammy Roberts out.”
They all breathed a sigh of relief.
One week later, the Technophobes broke through the bars that TAC had set up and annihilated the research and implementation programs that waited for unsuspecting citizens.
Sal and Stu had escaped from their bunker and were settled in their log cabin in Montana.
At least until they would be needed again.
The End
Anne - Very well done! I actually read this early this morning and then we had to leave to go see family so this is the first chance I am getting to comment. I really enjoyed it! In a way, I guess it kind of reminded me of The Hunger Games but in a different way. I don't know how to explain it really. You did great with the futuristic feel! Excellent job! :)
Melissa wrote: "Anne - Very well done! I actually read this early this morning and then we had to leave to go see family so this is the first chance I am getting to comment. I really enjoyed it! In a way, I gue..."Thanks Melissa! I never thought of the Hunger Games when writing it (did not see the movie), but I guess there's similarity with the evil government imposing it's will on the people.
You're welcome! I didn't want to see the movies or even read the books at first. The concept of kids killing kids just did not appeal for me. My daughter-in-law insisted that I read the first book and then I was hooked! The concept still baffles me but, in my opinion, the whole "back story" explained it really well. So, being compared to the Hunger Games (even though only the governmental similarity) is a good thing! :)
Anne, if there was any one author who made the best use of technophobia, it’s you. With that one word, you created an entire dystopian future in which the reasons for technophobia are completely justified. They say freedom isn’t free, but your dystopian world proves it’s too expensive for a lot of people. I wish we’d see more stories like this. It might wake everybody up one day. Fantastic job this week!
Anne, really nice, I really like this matter-of-fact kind of science fiction. Easy to read and relatable.I agree with Garrison, you really wrote to the theme. As usual a nice flow to the story. A lot of fertile ground here, a series?
Anne, P.S. Genre? Surely science fiction, has a Vonnegut feel.
Garrison wrote: "Anne, if there was any one author who made the best use of technophobia, it’s you. With that one word, you created an entire dystopian future in which the reasons for technophobia are completely ju..."Thanks so much, Garrison!
Mark wrote: "Anne, P.S. Genre? Surely science fiction, has a Vonnegut feel."Thanks, Mark. Re: the genre -- I wasn't sure if it was science-fictiony enough to fit there. I feel like I'm often straddling a line between genres, probably because I don't have a good understanding of how they're defined. (I'll have to look up Vonnegut-was that Catcher in the Rye?- been too many years to count since I read him)
Never mind -- just realized it was Slaughterhouse-5 I was thinking of... (still too many years ago :))
Well done, Anne! I could picture your dystopian future. Good job!
The Week 232 polls are up! Bring in the rowboats and make haste to the tavern. Quills will be provided at the polling place.Weekly Short Story Contest:
https://www.goodreads.com/poll/show/1...
Weekly Poetry Stuffage:
https://www.goodreads.com/poll/show/1...
Anne,I bet that was challenging to write!
Its not easy world building and telling a story at the same time. And then there is the word limit to deal with.
Loved that there was just enough characterisation for us to know and care about the two characters before the action kicks off.
Definitely very strong on the technophobe theme.
I'd call this sci-fi.
The ending worked well for me, Cammy manipulating the enemy that way.
Now I've got to vote... very tough choice this week.
Adrian wrote: "Anne,I bet that was challenging to write!
Its not easy world building and telling a story at the same time. And then there is the word limit to deal with.
Loved that there was just enough characte..."
Thanks Adrian, appreciate the feedback!
Sophie {Bibliophile by Nature} wrote: "Well done, Anne! I could picture your dystopian future. Good job!"Thanks Sophie!
Hey Garrison. Thanks for sending out a friend request, buddy. :)
Hey Sophie, I only have one criticism. The very second sentence I think it should say something like "...her appearance was of one that was serene and peaceful." I just noticed right away the sentence and felt like it wasn't interesting enough to help us be pulled into the story.Other than that I found the story fascinating. An examination into the human mind or more so, a try to understanding insanity. Great story, Sophie.
Mark, such a gorgeous play with words. My favorite sentence: "Time dripped by like cold honey, the light of life was slowly fading."Good job!
Such an interesting take on the thread, Anne. A sci-fi thriller it almost reminded me of something Patrick Lee would pen and it was creative. Great job to you as well.Great job, everyone!
There’s nothing quite as satisfying as the plaster dust that swirls when you’ve yanked the phone cord out of the wall! Jimmy’s had it with the young woman in the Audrey Hepburn black hat, in CJ’s “Ah!” She won’t mind calling him in his dreams, though.Gray is just trying to feed his family, but Katie Evans and Froggy Smacks have other ideas. Froggy doesn’t axe any more questions once Katie has finished with him, but in the end Katie gets preachy and I find myself wishing that Garrison’s story had taken a different turn.
The ending in Melissa’s “The Sweetest Angel” took me by surprise, but it was like an arrangement concluding on a perfect chord. The setting is so adroitly sketched in that reading it is like being there.
Sophie has collapsed a novel into 2,991 words in “Eleanor.” The story is interesting, the writing often melodic and beautiful. After so many things, it’s hard to blame Eleanor’s husband for taking up with a younger woman who “wore pencil skirts and long white shirts, and her blonde hair touched her shoulders. Her smile was perfectly white and straight, and she was intelligent and well-read.” Eleanor, deserted by her husband, determines to forget his name; and, not coincidentally, he remains the one unnamed character in the story.
At life’s end, no one should be made to suffer “the RN’s ever-present teen-diva ringtone”! Mark Reeves’ “The Sound and Fury” has at once the sci-fi feel of Robert Heinlein and a prophetic style reminiscent of Max Ehrmann or Kahlil Gibran.
“Your guess is as good as mine” had me on the edge of my seat until near the end. Anne does a good job of bringing Stu and Sal alive as characters--and of course the future world they’re a part of seems in some ways unsettlingly like our own.
Katie: "Remember, M, there is no Planet B!"(The audience boos and throws tomatoes at her for the corny joke.)
Katie: "I hope those are organic!"
**
This was the major turning point. Eleanor only fell deeper after Alexandria’s death. She pretended that her baby had not died and called upon her incessantly. However, she had..."
A very vivid story, Sophie. Very touching and sad; it really speaks to the heart.