Detailed Roleplayers discussion
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Katniss x Isis
...At the end of the day Kirk waited by his truck. It was a piece of crap truck, but it worked and that was good enough at this point. Kirk had tried painting it, but all paint seemed to just chip off again. He had tried getting nicer tires, fixing dents, getting the windows re-tinted, but nothing worked. The truck always looked like crap, and it sounded like a dying elephant every time he started it up. But, he sort of loved it anyway and it held a lot of memories. One in particular was of his first ride in it with Drayven. He had almost kissed Drayven that day, three years ago, but he had chickened out and had been chickening out every day since. He was too scared of rejection.
As he waited for Drayven now he thought about the same thing, being rejected. He wanted to tell him so badly, but he was just too damn scared. He had never been a scared boy, but when it came to telling Drayven his feelings he felt like crying and pissing his pants. But, he needed to tell him. Being just friends was getting too difficult.
Drayven was running through the halls, laughing as he ducked and skidded to his locker. He opened it up, rushing as he grabbed things he needed, then was shutting it. He heard the person screaming his name down the hall. Okay, now there were three of them. He broke into a run again, him being fabulous at running, he kinda had to be. He noticed someone opening the door, and he took that shot. Sure, he almost ran into her, but that was the other guys that did that.They had a baseball in their hands, and they chucked it. It flew right by Drayven's head, to which he ducked but landed on his butt as he fell from the step. He looked up at them, "Nice pitch! Bad aim!" He yelled up and pushed himself up and dashed off. They gave up at that point, panting as he was just too fast for them. He had a small scrape on his arm, but he was feeling great! Ticking people off was a perfect pass time! He ran over to Kirk, panting and leaning on his knees. "Man.... that was fun...." Gym was his last class, so he could say anything to piss them off. "What are we going to do about her?" He motioned over to his bike. "Want me to just follow you?"
Kirk crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "One of these days you're going to get yourself killed and I'm not even going to feel sorry. Follow me but hurry before they decide they're not too tired to come strangle you after all." He shook his head and got into the truck. He often worried about his friend and his need to piss people off, but Kirk thought it better not to say too much on the subject. Drayven would grow out of it eventually, or get it beaten out of him. That was how life worked in the end. He took off from the school, headed toward his house which wasn't very far away. He could have walked to and from home, but then his hair would have been a mess every day and he would get sweaty in his nice clothes. That wasn't his idea of a good time.
When he arrived at his house he parked in the garage and popped out of the car to wait for Drayven to pull him.
Drayven nodded to him, "Oh don't worry! They won't catch me! I'm too good!" He didn't think he would ever get into as much trouble as he used to. Before he had ended up in the hospital a few times. Since the incident though, he didn't want to go back, so he didn't do much. He just mouthed off. He nodded, waving at him, "See you there!" He ran to his bike after that, plopping on it, throwing on the helmet, and fired it up. She roared to life under his body, and he turned her so she started following the rusty old truck. It was the elephant truck! He smirked at the thought, remembering three years ago when they had almost locked lips. They were freshman in high school. It was so nice.... He wished so bad that he didn't chicken out.... Well, they both had, but Drayven didn't know that.The ride to his house was short, which he didn't always like. When he got on his bike, he liked to make her go far and fast. Yes, he sped a lot. He pulled up in the driveway, halting her and turning her off. He jumped off after pushing up the kickstand. He pulled off the helmet, his hair in all sorts of directions now. He smirked, "I made it! They didn't get me!"
Kirk pushed him playfully. "Oh shut it. You're so cocky." He walked into the house via the door in the garage then headed straight for the kitchen after making sure Drayven was right on his heels. "Alright, so I'm going to get started on the lasagna. You can help or you can clean my room, it's your choice." He laughed lightly. His room was never actually a mess. In fact, it was probably the cleanest teenage boy's room on the planet. "Which would you prefer? I'd vote for the lasagna personally, because I look damn good while I'm cooking, but my room could really use a nice dusting." He started to pull ingredients out of the fridge and the pantry. Then came the cooking utensils out of various drawers and cabinets. "I hope you're hungry, because we have to eat all of this before my mother gets home. She's not allowed to have any of this masterpiece." He started his work.
He knew he was cocky, and oh, was it true. He pushed his hair from his way in a very cocky fashion. "Well of course, dear, what else would you expect?" He asked walking after him, his hands in his pockets. He smiled, he was so in love with this guy. And he was funny too. All the better for the cake. He stood behind him, thinking about the options. He did know which one he'd rather do first. He jumped in the house, "I'ma go hide your underwear!" He said dashing for his room. He was a dork at times, usually only when Kirk and him were alone. He was actually going to hide the underwear though. That wasn't a lie.He could hear him from the room, calling back to him, "Don't worry! I starve myself for your cooking! So we're all good, I could probably eat it all myself!"
Kirk rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that day. He knew he would be looking for his underwear for a least an hour by the end of the night. He only hoped they would all be in one place because looking for all of them would be a mess. He had a least forty pairs of underwear and he loved all of them. He was a man who liked underwear of all shapes and patterns. He wasn't a briefs man or a boxers man, he was both as long as they had some color to them. Hell, he even had a few pairs of underwear that were undoubtedly not for men. He liked the feel and he had a thing for lace that he couldn't quite explain. He shrugged his shoulders up and down. Drayven had seen a few pairs of his underwear before, so now was as good a time as any to see them all. It would be interesting to see his reaction at the very least.
Drayven didn't go look for his underwear though, instead, he started getting into his clothing. He pulled out all of the nice things that would possibly fit him. He tilted his head to the side, wondering if this would work. If it didn't, he'd change back and put it back after. He pulled out a white button up, putting it over his shoulders, well, after taking off his purple tee. He put it on, but didn't button it up. He was going to be a dork. He didn't change the pants though, he decided he was just going to stick with the shirt. He then did what he was intending to, looking for the underwear. He looked through his drawers, a bit scared to find stuff, but wasn't really worried.After awhile, probably 20 minutes, he didn't care and started walking downstairs. He wanted to see him do his thing. He didn't button it up, and when he got to the doorframe, he leaned on it, his shirt hanging open. He smirked, "Is it getting hot in here?"
"Getting so hot I think Imma take my clothes off," Kirk laughed before looking over at Drayven. A shiver immediately went up his spine. "Oh," he whispered. It was nothing Drayven would here, though the boy could probably see the look of shock on Kirk's face. Kirk couldn't help it though. He had seen Drayven shirtless before, many times, but somehow it was different this time. Surreal in a way. The light, around him. The white shirt hanging around his thing frame. The way he leaned against the door frame so casually like he had no idea how perfect he looked. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and bit his bottom lip. "Uh, nice shirt, probably because it's mine." He gave out a nervous sounding laugh and then a blush broke out on his cheeks. He tried not to stare and instead just looked down at his toes. "You look really good."
He was doing it as a joke, but also as a test. If he liked him, he would react in a certain way. He wanted it to be positive. He wanted him to react the way he wanted to. And he did. The shock on his face was almost loud and clear. He laughed a bit, standing up slowly. He pushed hair from his face, blinking a few times, of course though, the hair fell right back. He was trying to be sexy, he wanted Kirk to make the first move. The question was, was he going to. He smiled softly, "Yeah, that's probably it...." He said, "The shirt is nice, I like how it smells." He said bringing it up to his nose and breathing it in. "It smells like you." He was trying to say something, but he wanted him to say something. He wanted him to do something.He was taken aback by how much truth was felt when he said that he looked really good. He turned his head down, biting his lip. Everything felt awkward now. He wondered what was going to happen tonight. "Also, can I spend the night?" He asked. "I really don't want to go home, for obvious reasons." Kirk was the only one that knew about how bad his parents were with him, the same as his brother. The only thing he hadn't seen is the fights they have.
"You can always stay the night, you know that," Kirk smiled. "But, your only sleeping options are in bed with me or on the couch. My mom sold the spare bed for booze money I guess." He shrugged his shoulders up and down. "Anyway, come help me with this you sexy boy you. I can't possibly do all of this work all on my own." He made a dramatic swooning gesture. "The pressure is simply too much for me to handle. Plus...it really is kind of warm in here." He gave Drayven a smirk, a evil glint in his eyes. Two could play at this game. Kirk lifted his shirt off over his head and threw it aside. He wasn't a man who worked out often, but he was fit. He wasn't overly muscular, but he was sculpted well enough. He knew he had a nice enough body, and he definitely knew how to use it.
Drayven nodded to him, "Well, looks like I'm going to be in bed with you. I don't do couches after my party days." Those were so over. He hated them anymore. He shrugged off the shirt, throwing it on a chair with his. They were both shirtless now, and Drayven couldn't hide it well, but he had a little wocket in his pocket.... In a way. He walked over to the stove, hip checking him sexily out of the way. He smirked, starting to cut some of the tomatoes. "Don't worry, your mom isn't going to get any of this." When he said that, he wiggled his body side to side in a very seductive way. If he was going to do something, he was hoping he'd do it soon. If not, then this was going to be awkward for the rest of the night!He watched his body, not really watching what he was doing with the knife, and he almost sliced into his thumb, theonly thing getting his attention was the cool blade against his skin. He let out a small squeak and moved the knife. That was such a crooked cut. He blushed softly, and he knew Kirk could tell he was distracted. He was always careful with knives....especially for what he did with them.
Kirk gently took the knife out of his hand and looked at his thumb to make sure there was no injury. "You need to be careful," Kirk scolded "If you lose a thumb then I'm going to have to do everything for you and that will get old. Without thumbs we're nothing but animals, and not even the good ones." He wrinkled up nose to make his point then he brought Drayven's thumb up to his mouth. He kissed it gently. "Plus, your thumb is too pretty for you to lose." He kissed it one more time then let him lower his hand back down. "Now, tell me why you're so attractive and why you're going through my clothes," Kirk smiled, looking into Drayven's face. One of them had to say it. The sexual tension in the room was going to drive them both mad and Kirk was starting to sweat. He was nervous. He felt like vomiting and crying and peeing his pants he was so nervous, but he his it very well.
((Just a question, do you go to PM? Just curious so I don't make you uncomfortable. XP))Drayven turned around, his back against the counter as he got close to him. He looked up at him, a light blush over his face. "If I lost a thumb, I probably wouldn't race bikes anymore..." He stammared, "And I probably wouldn't get into fights..." He said, looking around, trying not to look up at Kirk. His face was just too close to be good. Drayven didn't have much of a self control. He didn't want to lose it either. Just in case Kirk was joking with him. He hated that, he didn't know if anyone liked him for real and it pissed him off!
He felt all of the tension, and his forehead was beading up. He hated it, he never really sweat. His eyes shown bright through his black eyeliner. He kept looking up at him, blinking a few times, their eyes meeting. "Like I said, I like how they feel around me... and the smell..." He gulped, "I- I've always liked your scent..."
((Yeah I do haha, we can do whatever you're cool with because I'm cool with everything))Before Kirk knew exactly what was happening his lips were pressed against Drayven's. It wasn't for more than a second or two, but it was perfect somehow. Simple and sweet. He could taste the other boy and feel every nerve between them electrify, but he was scared he had done the wrong thing.
When he pulled back he turned away and felt tears prick at his eyes. He was so stupid. He knew he couldn't just kiss a guy, especially not this guy. The shouting would start any time. The remarks of disgust and hatred. He should have been able to control himself, but he hadn't. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.
((haha, same here. I just didn't wanna make you uncomfortable! :) ))Drayven was scared of what was going on, scared that he would be pushed to the brink of breaking, but then he had the lips against him. Since it was only a few seconds, mixed in with the peer shock of the kiss, he didn't react, he didn't kiss back, just stared at him with wide eyes. He loved it though. He wanted it again. He didn't move though, the feeling of his heart racing and the electricity that he swore was making his hair stand on end, along with making them feel much brighter than before.
He stood there a bit longer, then heard him say he was sorry. Drayven moved slowly, scared of what was going on. He could see the tear in his eyes. He was scared too? He tilted his head to the side, moving his body in a nice smooth motion in front of him. He pressed his lips against Kirk's, his eyes closing, finally he was able to react. It was a soft kiss, something that was saying it was okay. He was surprised how simple he made this. HOw he wasn't just attacking him in kisses and making him lose breath in a few seconds.
Kirk's eyes went wide for a moment and then they closed as he sank deeper into the kiss. It was like a fantasy, a dream come true. He was kissing the boy of his dreams. He was kissing his best friend and his best friend was kissing right back. When he finally pulled back he took a deep breath then broke off into a rattle of words. "I've had a crush on you since pretty much the day I met you and I've been too scared to tell you. I'm not saying we have to be in a relationship or anything, but I would really like to be. I think I might be in love with you. Oh God. Forget your heard that. I didn't mean to freak you out or anything. I'm not good at this. I've only have one boyfriend and that was in like 8th grade and you know that was a disaster. I'm sorry I'm just springing this on you...I really have to pee." He ran off down the hall and into the bathroom.
((OH MY GOSH HIS AWKWARDNESS MAKES MY HEART HURT! He's adorable! <3))Drayven put his arms around Kirk's shoulders, tilting his head as their lips started to do a small dance. It felt nice to have his lips against his, and then his snake bites too. He let out a soft purr, glad to finally be able to do this with him.
When they broke apart, he took his hands slowly back as he started to talk. With every word his heart started to speed up. He felt his face grow red. He wanted to be in a relationship? He wanted to be with him, like, really!? He felt like tears were going to spring from his eyes. This was all genuin! It wasn't going to be like all those times that he was used. He put his hands together, just listening to him. Love? really? He had shock on his face, this was even better than before. But all of the seriousness just kinda died when he said that he had to pee. He couldn't help but break his normal shocked face into one of his lips wiggling and him bursting out laughing. He hung his head as he watched him run out of the room. He leaned against the counter, just continuing to carry on. Leave it to Kirk to get that awkward in this situation. I'm not saying we have to be in a relationship or anything, but I would really like to be. He said, but that was bull. "Yeah we do." He said to himself. "Now I know you like me, I'm not letting you go." He said this all to himself, but knew he would say it in a few minutes when Kirk finally stepped out.
(Hahahahaha they're adorable))Kirk came back a few minutes later, blushing more deeply than he ever had in his entire life. "Well. I'm awkward. Sorry. Being nervous makes me have to pee and that's the most nervous I've ever been in my whole life. Except for the first time I almost kissed you." He laughed nervously. "I uh, I really do like you though Drayven. I hope that doesn't ruin anything between us because I need you in my life. Just, I dunno what you want to do." He ran a hand up though his hair and looked shyly at his best friend and possible future boyfriend.
This had been the best day of his life so far and he knew he was messing it up by being so awkward, but he couldn't help himself. This was a whole new territory for him and he was feeling all sorts of things that he had never felt. Starting with the feeling of wanting to kiss Drayven over, and over, and over again. And the feeling of awkward tightness in his pants that wasn't the same as any other tightness.
((They really are. We made a good match. *High five*))Drayven stood in the kitchen when he came out, listening to him go on his awkward rant about how much he was awkward and about how he liked him and about their first kiss. He laughed a bit, rubbing his head a bit, "I chickened out so bad there." He said thinking about the almost kiss in the truck. "Man.... I felt like an idiot right after that." He tilted his head back. But then turned serious thinking about how he wanted to go out with him. He sighed, taking steps forward and looking up at him, wanting him to look into his eyes.
"If you get into a relationship with me, you know I'm going to get jealous over little things." He said, "Like I always do with you." He looked away for that second and blushed. "And you know... It's not a matter of if we are going out, it's the fact that we are going to be boyfriends, we are going to love each other later on, if not now. You're going to be my boyfriend and I'm going to be yours. And if you're my boyfriend, you're no one else's." He said poking him in the chest, tilting his head up. He wasn't a controlling person, this just wasn't going to be some stupid open relationship.
(Victory!!)Kirk laughed "I'm not going to be going out with anyone else silly goose. I haven't even liked another guy in years. Plus, have you met the people in this town? They hate me and not a single man would ever go out with me even if they did like me. They can't handle it. Plus, have you seen me? I'm too good for just anyone, and they couldn't handle me anyway." He grinned like an idiot. This wasn't going to be as hard as he thought, in fact it was pretty easy now that they were past the elephant in the room. "And why would I want anyone else when I have you?"
He pressed closer to Drayven, looking down into those beautiful eyes. "You're the only one I want and the only one I need. I just want you to be mine. My boyfriend. Mine." He pressed light kisses to his forehead, nose and cheeks. "Can I have that? Can I have you? All to myself?"
((I was thinking, to add drama later on, Drayven's abuser could start going to their school and well... Drayven wouldn't be okay.))He knew that all of this was true, all of the people in it. But then he also knew that he had slept with probably every gay guy here.... They all used him for selfish purposes. He hated all of them, and he was glad that Kirk wasn't going to end up with any of them. Especially that one He hung his head, nodding slowly. He looked up at him after a bit, smiling softly at him, getting his head out of that thought and just looking up at him. He shrugged, "I don't know, I'm pretty damn perfect" He flipped his hair cockily, but once he started getting closer to him, Drayven's hands went to his chest.
His eyes felt wider than he thought normal. He felt like a child getting everything he wanted on Christmas, and that was only one thing. But of everything he could ever ask for, he was so glad that this was it. "Yes, you can." He said, "You can have me all to yourself. Forever." He whispered. Yes. He just promised forever, because he felt it true. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of his kisses. They were so perfect. He smiled and blushed. Everything was too easy now, and it was perfect. They deserved a break, and that break was together.
((Sounds good to me))Kirk had never had a real boyfriend and he didn't know exactly how he was supposed to act in this situation, but this was going well so far. The only mad he had been with was much older than him and it had been purely sexual and a huge secret. This was going to be all new and different, and he found he was really excited about it.
"Alright, I think I'll take you up on that. You're officially mine forever. Ha. I win," he grinned and gave him a wink. "But, I'm still in need of help on that lasagna because I really am hungry now and good boys only get dessert if they eat dinner first." He giggled then turned back to making the food. He hoped there would be dessert, lots of dessert, dessert that involved a certain boys lips.
((Sweetness. And if ya'll have any ideas for twists or something, feel free to add and share. :) ))Drayven had one real boyfriend, but his brother scared him off. Oh well, sucks for him. Now, he was going to have his second real one. And it was going to be perfect. He smiled at the thoughts of what they were going to do to each other. They were all alone tonight, but he didn't know if he was going to really let him have all of him. He was still nervous since that day....
He smiled wide nodding, "I'm thinking I'm the one who won this." he said. He was about to kiss him before he started saying something about good boys getting desert after dinner. He didn't think so. He grabbed ahold of him, pushing him back into the counter and leaning forward, "I'm not a good boy.I have dessert first." He said kissing his lips roughly, more than just a simple nice kiss. He was willing to eat before they went farther, but the feel of their bare chests together was enough to send him off the edge. And his lips danced rappidly with Kirk's.
((I will as they come to me))Kirk grinned against his lips before picking him up and spinning him around until he was sitting up on the counter. Kirk kissed him hungrily. Their lips had molded and showed no signs of coming apart any time soon. Dinner was completely forgotten by Kirk, which was really all for the better.
He pulled back from the kiss when he ran out of breath then he began kissing down Drayven's chest. "You're lucky I like bad boys. They've always had a certain, sexiness, to them." He kissed down to his belly button now. "Though, I'm not sure I should encourage this naughty behavior. You've got to eat dinner some time." He kissed above the waist line of his jeans, slowly, teasingly. His fingers slipped up and down his inner thigh, doing a light dance that would drive anyone mad. "And what makes you think I'm ready for dessert anyway?" He tugged at his waist line with his teeth briefly.
((Alright. :) ))((Holy kinky. XD))
Drayven wrapped his legs around him once they spun and he was on the counter. He kept his legs on both sides of Kirk, holding his face close to his lips. He felt hot against his boyfriend. Drayven was smaller than Kirk, but that was okay, he enjoyed being small. He pressed down against his face, not realizing how tension there was until now, and it felt all the better knowing it had been there and was being released. He did feel uncomfortable as his pants were so tight around his well.... area.
Drayven panted when they broke apart, letting out a soft moan with his lips traveling down his body. He knew he loved bad boys, or he wouldn't love Drayven. If he didn't, he would have been out of luck. He didn't say anything as his head tilted back in pleasure as he slowly got lower on him. His hips, and right under his belly button, as well as his chest, were some of his weak points. He got harder with every freaking kiss on those areas. He looked down at him, his eyebrows furrowed. He asked how Drayven knew if he was ready. "I don't like waiting..." He sighed, but he knew he would always wait if he had to. "And I can read you like a book, and you so are." he laughed, but watched his teeth grab ahold of his waistline, his shoulders slumping in the form of ecstasy.
((Yeah, probably. XD Unless Kirk is eminent on finishing dinner.))
((Haha, alright. Would you like to start it?))
.......Kirk sniffled and swiped at his eyes with his forearm, but he screamed at himself inside his eyes. He couldn't cry. He had what he wanted and he had no right to cry. He had no right to want to know what went on with Drayven's whole life. There was a reason he hadn't said anything and there was a reason he had blocked Kirk off from that part of his life.
Kirk know about that part, a little, but Drayven had blocked him out for most of it. There had been about two years after their almost kiss where they had been strained and now Kirk knew why. They had both been with other people. Himself one, and Drayven who knew how many. And apparently there had been men and women.
Kirk wasn't upset about this fact, or the fact that there had been many, he was upset that he hadn't been told. He was pissed that he didn't know as much as he thought. He was hurt that Drayven blocked him out. He was confused.
Drayven was mostly alone in that time period of that time of his life, he didn't think that anyone cared about him. He had all of his reasons for not telling Kirk... He didn't want him to think any less of him. He told him a few things, but he didn't know what the hell he did that for. He wiped his face. He didn't know when he'd be able to go downstairs however.He leaned back, putting his back against the bed and thought about what had happened. He still wasn't sure if he wanted Kirk to know all of it. Especially about Justin, no one knew about that. Drayven was so disgusted by it that he didn't want anyone to know. He didn't want to vent out anything, he didn't know what else to do. So he kept it inside to torture his brain.
He hated it, he wanted to vent about it so much. His frown started to slowly turn into a scowl, his anger starting to come out when he remembered all of the people that used and abused him. Those assholes. He breathed in, arching his back as if he was about to scream. And he did, but he did it in a silent way. So his face looked as if he was screaming bloody murder, but in reality, no air was getting out. He didn't do that unless he was alone.... He also had all of his dollar glasses to smash around his room. He had cut his foot on so many pieces of shattered glass....
~~~
After about 15 minutes, he finally composed himself, wiping off his makeup completely. It wasn't there anymore anyways. He forgot where he put his stick. He had to walk around the room a bit before his reactions and movements stopped being so weak, but then again so strong for his anger. He punched at the air a few times. He knew he had weird ways of getting things out of his system, but it was better than taking it out on Kirk. He started out of the room, his boots were still in the kitchen, so he was walking in his black socks.
He walked in, rubbing the back of his head, "I'm sorry." He said suddenly, not even knowing why. "I ruined the moment. Eh?" He asked. He felt terrible. He knew that he probably hurt him. They were best friends and he had so many secrets that no one knew but him and the other person....
Kirk shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he mumbled. "Your eyeliner is in my bathroom, in the cabinet." He had only briefly glanced at Drayven before going back to work on the food and not looking up again. He wanted to say something funny about there being plenty more times to come, but he didn't have it in him. He didn't feel the least bit like being funny. He just wanted to curl up and go to sleep, but instead he made lasagna. He wasn't hungry but he made lasagna. When the food was finally in the oven he started to clean. He had to keep himself busy otherwise he was going to start crying and no one wanted to see that. He didn't want Drayven to know what he was feeling. Drayven didn't get to know anything, not for the time being.
Drayven stopped dead in his tracks, looking at him in complete and utter horror as he didn't even look at him. He felt his heart start to get ripped apart. He held onto his chest, taking a few steps back, almost falling over as he tripped on his own foot. He closed his eyes, "Okay." He said, leaving the room quickly. He shut the door and slid down the door. He put his hands in his hair, "You idiot...." Drayven muttered to himself. He pushed himself up, his hands in fists, he knew it was all his fault. His past, the hidden stories he had. He wasn't going to tell him. He felt like throwing up. Okay, no. He didn't just feel like it, he bent over the toilet and just let it go. All of what he did eat was now in the pool under him. He fell to his knees, tears going down his face. He was going to leave again right? Just like every other person he slept with. How freaking horrible.... He pushed himself up, reaching out for the eyeliner. He stopped though, looking over and seeing a nice shiny sharp object. He was so tempted. But he didn't.
He pulled his hands away, falling back into the wall. He gripped onto his hair, "It's all your fault he's going to leave...." He muttered to himself, "you fucking slut... It's your fault...." He kept saying, "Drayven Hayward, you are such a screw up..."
((The best ones always do))Kirk heard the vomiting. He dropped what he was doing and he went running for the bathroom. He yanked the door open. "Are you ok?" he asked, panicked. He anger and hurt of a few seconds ago pushed to the back of his mind for the time being. His feelings did not come first, Drayven's did.
He had meant to hug Drayven into his arms and protect him, but instead he took one look at Drayven's face and burst into tears. Turns out his emotions weren't pushed back far enough. "I'm sorry!" he said through sobs, his hands going up to cover his face. "I didn't mean to upset you! I really didn't! I'm sorry Drayven!" A loud sob issued from his throat. "I'm sorry..."
He hated the look on Drayven's face. He hated how sad and hurt that Drayven looked. He hated himself for making him look that way. He wanted to take it all back. It hadn't been Drayven who ruined their moment, it had been him and he regretted it to no end.
((That statement couldn't be more true.))Drayven was weak, he was shaking in his arms, looking at himself in the mirror, he looked like trash. In his mind, he knew he was trash. He hung his head, his shoulders now being higher, his whole body was revolting against him. He hated doing this, this is how he got into so many fights before. That or he ended up cutting to calm himself or wrecked his room. His face grew reder and reder with every second. "I'm a fucking slut!" He screamed, his arms going around him.
His throat hurt from the cracks, he knew it wasn't Kirk's fault. Drayven was at fault for this. If he wasn't so easy when he was younger, none of this would have happened. It had only been a year since everything started to get better for him. He didn't want to look up at Kirk, but he kept hearing the sorry he kept saying. He just sat there, showing how actually broken he was. He hated this, he was supposed to be strong, not this crying sack of waste! That's what his brother always said. Just a waste of skin... "I've been lead on so many times and gave myself up for them to use just so they can test themselves out... Then they leave without giving me a second thought.... I've been played and cheated and...." He started just saying things that probably didn't make sense.
Kirk shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't need to hear. It's none of my business...Drayven I love you, but, I don't know. Its only been like an hour and this is a mess." He said this all through his tears. "I really do love you..." He let out another sob then turned and ran down the hall. He went into the spare bedroom and sat on the floor since there was no longer any furniture. This was all a disaster. Drayven deserved someone stronger and less jealous, but then again he himself deserved someone who could be honest with him. He didn't know if this would work. He wanted it to desperately and he didn't think he could handle it not working out, but neither of them was doing this right. Drayven was giving his excuses and blaming himself and he was sitting in an empty room crying. It was stupid, but he couldn't change it now.
Drayven listened to him, still shaking. He knew what he was thinking, This isn't working. It was only an hour long relationship. This would have to be his shortest one yet. He smiled softly when he ran out, the tears still going down his face. He knew he was pathetic. Kirk deserved more than him.... They were so happy, so happy..... He didn't know what went all wrong.... They had screwed each other, said they loved each other, made out, and look at this crap.... Drayven was sitting there, hating himself, and Kirk was in the spare room. Way to screw up, eh? He asked himself. He just kept leaning back on the wall. He leaned his head back, trying to control himself. They were both crying. He didn't know how someone could be so special to end up doing this.... He was stupid. He was ridiculous.... He pushed himself up probably 20 minutes later, wobbly on his feet. He did deserve the truth, but Drayven didn't know if he was ready. Being hurt that many times took a toll on a person. He just decided to fess up.... Just, not to Justin.... He at least wouldn't say his name....
Kirk lay on his side and curled up in a ball. He had done that when he was a child and his mom was just starting to drink. He would sleep in this room tonight. He would sleep right now. He closed his eyes, hugged tight into a ball, and started to force himself into sleep. Sleeping was easier...except for he knew he couldn't sleep right now. He had to talk to Drayven. He was too scared to talk to Drayven. He didn't want to hear the words that he knew were coming. He didn't want to hear that this wasn't working. He had waited so long for this to happen and now that it had he didn't want it to end, even though he knew it should. They obviously knew nothing about each other despite being best friends for the past forever.Maybe it would be better to sleep. At least he had stopped crying when he laid down, at least mostly he had stopped crying. He just had no idea what to do about all this. He didn't even know what all this was.
Drayven walked slowly into the other room, and since he didn't have his boots on he was silent. He looked into the room and saw him on the ground, all curled up. He felt sick again. They were really going to split it? He didn't want to.... They were doing so well at the beginning, he had never been that happy... But now, look at them, they were fighting and hurt already... But what would happen if all the past was out? He walked over and slowly say down in front of him. He needed comforting. Maybe after they were both calm they could figure this out. He wasn't going to let this end that easily. So, he laid down next to him, putting his arm around him, kissing his forehead. "I'm here..." He whispered stroking his hair. Though he said he didn't look good, he was still cute, but he hated the pain on his face. He didn't meantioned breaking up already, just held him, stroked his hair, kissed his cheek and forehead. He didn't want to go through this again. "I wanna make this work.... Maybe it's time you found out about my past years..." He said. "After were calm... We should talk when were rational and not emotional..." He explained. If they talked like this the end would come....
Kirk kept his eyes closed tight. "I don't want you to tell me. You're only doing it because you feel bad and that's pointless. I just wish you would have told me before. I wish I could have helped you or something. I feel like I don't actually know anything about you even though I've tried so hard to. I have like...no secrets from you. The one I do have isn't even a big deal. I slept with a 38 year old when I was 16, there, that was it. You know everything about me and I know nothing about you. It's...it's bullshit. I love you, but, what if I'm loving someone I don't know. That scares me Drayven. That scares me a lot and it hurts me. Am I not good enough for you to talk to? Did I do something to make you think you can't trust me? I just...I just don't understand." He was sniffling again, eyes still closed.
Drayven's eyes widened when he said his secret, his eyes shooting to the ground. He looked away from him after that knowing he wasn't going to look at him. He bit his lip, instead he just held him. "I wasn't going to tell you because I potties you or whatever you said.... I actually want this relationship to work...." He said, "And.... I should have told you sooner but I was scared you'd start hating me.... Everyone that found out did... And then I got a terrible nickname... I started just going out to parties to let go and get drunk.... It wasn't that is isn't trust you, it's because I didn't want to face the facts of my behavior...." He sighed, putting his forehead against his. "I love you... And i don't want you to be afraid of me..." He sighed, "And my history just hits home for me... It's not dangerous.... For you...." He looked away, "Ans I'm over it... I have been for a year..." He explained. "The scars not so much...." He explained trying to make him feel better with it. "But if you really don't want me to tell you... I'll go home... Okay? I'll leave you alone... I just... I don't want to break up with someone like you.... You're perfect and just.... I wanted us to last..."
Kirk sat up and wiped his eyes with his hands. "I wanted us to last too. I still do. I'm just concerned and this whole thing is really fucked up. You know that right? It's only been like an hour and we're in tears. I don't want that to be all this is. You said...you said I wouldn't ever cry again at the start of this." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm going to go get the lasagna out of the oven and then I'm going to lay down. If you want to leave, that's up to you, but you know you always have a place to sleep here. I just, I don't feel well and I need to calm down."He stood up slowly, weakly, then went and took care of the food. He threw it all in the trash can. Then, he went to his room and he laid in his bed and he pulled the covers up to his chin. He was shivering and holding back more tears, but all he wanted was to sleep and to move on from this patch.
Drayven listened to him, nodding slowly and let him get up and walk out. He gave up on this for right now. He could go calm down. He on the other hand, was going to go vent. He had a lot of anger in him right now. He pushed himself up, walking out of the house and shut the front door behind him. He didn't take anything with him though. He left his bike, his bag, his helmet. Heck, he almost forgot his boots. He was coming back, that much was obvious. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, strolling down the road. He was half looking for a fight and half just walking to clear his mind so he didn't go home and swallow all his depression pills. He'd go back in a few hours. If he wasn't wanting to listen or even talk to him. He would just leave. If he loses him, that was the last person he cared for and cared for him. Kirk knew how bad his parents and brother were. He just didn't know one thing, how much him and his brother physically fought. He didn't think that was important though. Brothers fought all the time. And it was kinda common knowledge they'd end up I a. Fist fight quite a lot, especially knowing Drayven's temper. His first stop was the dollar store, then with a bag full of glass, he went for an alley way.
Kirk fell asleep for an hour, then he woke up and went into the living room to wait. He didn't know if he could handle this relationship. He had never been the strongest person and Drayven needed someone who was strong. Drayven needed help but he was obviously not going to take it from Kirk. Kirk had been trying for years now and he had thought things were better, but they obviously weren't and might never be. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't save Drayven if Drayven was his own problem. He couldn't even save himself at this point.
All he had wanted was to love this boy and to be loved back, but that was much harder than he had thought it would be. They didn't know how to help each other.
Drayven took those glasses and constantly threw them around an old building, screaming as he hurled them in all directions. The glass shattered around him. He did it slowly, wanting to savor the money he just spent because he didnt want to go buy more. They'd probably ask why he was buying so many, and then ask why he was so red in the face. He sighed, panting when he got rid of the final one. He leaned back on the wall, groaning in pain, but it had been two hours since he left, so he thought he might as well head back. He didn't get in a fight, but he guessed that was okay since he wasn't going to go to his home but Kirks. He didn't know what to expect when he got there. He wanted this to work so he was willing to give himself up. Was that so freaking bad? Drayven didn't think he needed saving, all he needed was love. That was honestly all he ever looked for. And that's why he wanted this to work. Kirk was the only one who loved him.... Maybe that was what he was supposed to tell him?He rubbed his head at the thoughts. It took him about 20 minutes to walk back to his house, the sun was setting, the sun was taking the bath in the earth right now. Drayven stood at the door for a few more seconds before opening the door. He didn't know if he was awake yet so he didn't want to knock and disturb him.
Kirk glanced over at the opening door. "You left your things but I was still worried you weren't going to come back," he said softly. It was true, he had been worried Drayven would just get in a fight somewhere then disappear. It hadn't happened yet, but he was always scared that it would. Someone was bound to get a little too pissed off then things would go bad...but that was another discussion for another day. "I'm sorry I reacted like such a baby," Kirk said "I've just been really emotionally charged lately and it kind of all hit me at once. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me, but I swear to God I'm going to break up with you if you keep things from me from here on out. By that I mean if something happens from this point forward, I want to know. Also, if you so much as touch another man, or woman, while we're together, I'm breaking up with you. I can't deal with that. If you're going to love me it can only be me, just like I'll only have you. Ok? That's all I have to say right now."
Drayven stopped dead in his tracks when he said he was scared he wasn't coming back. That was sometimes Drayven even feared not coming back. He looked down, frowning and moving his feet around, he felt completely terrible. He held his hands behind his back, "I didn't fight.... I was going to... But I just bought a lot of glass and went on a smashing spree...."He slowly looked up at him, and every time he said breaking up, his heart slowly broke. He wasn't some whore like he used to be. He wasn't going to do that. Cheating was terrible.... The only time he would ever chest is if he was forced to. But then again.... That wouldn't be cheating since he didn't have a choice like last time. He slowly slunk against the wall. "Y-you sure....?" He asked. "I- I was going to tell you everything so you felt safer around me... And then you'd understand why I hate medicine... And then when I get scared of people trying to get close.... and..." He hated himself more for some reason. He felt so confident up to this point. Now. Not so much. He just hung his head. "I won't ever touch anyone else. The only time I'd touch someone is kicking their ass when I have to..." He said, shaking a bit. He was such a fighter.
He turned a bit slower, almost lost of where he was as he thought about Kirk. The only thing that snapped him back was someone slamming their locker shut next to him. It was a girl, one of the populars that had a thing for Kirk. He smirked, walking away from her. If he was going to get someone, he was going to get Kirk, if he went for it at least. He walked to his locker, grabbed his things, and headed to his first hour. All he could think about was all of the flirting.... It was all a joke though. Right?