Query Feedback for YA Vampire Fantasy Novel

[Kris]

Here is my query letter for my manuscript. I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give to make this better.

Dear Agent X,

One thousand bites. That’s all Mari needed to become a vampire. Orphaned after a fire in 19th century Japan, she signed a contract with vampires: one thousand bites in exchange for immortality. No one told her about the addiction to pleasure and pain of the vampire bite or that vampires saw her as nothing but a meal.

Mari is sent to Harvest, a castle where vampires kill humans for small mistakes or throw them into fighting pits where they fight to the death. With each bite, Mari learned how to live long enough to see the end of her contract. All it cost was her sanity. Three bites away from immortality and fighting a vampire bite addiction, Mari is determined to get revenge on the vampires that ruined so many lives. When Yuko, a woman who wants to destroy the system of vampire-human contracts, enters her life, Mari finally figures out her plan when she’s a vampire. Get revenge and free the few friends still alive.

Mari needs an army to destroy Harvest. Fortunately, Yuko has one.

HARVEST is a YA fantasy complete at 97,000 words. It is standalone with series potential.

[Nevada]

I think this is pretty clear and interesting as is. The few notes I might offer are: make clear if there is a difference, and what it is, between the humans with a contract and the ones that get killed for mistakes or death fights; is Mari torn between vampire hate and desire for immortality or is it just this castle of vampires that suck (LOL).

It is (sadly) unusual for YA to not have a romance angle, if your book has one it's missing from the query; if it doesn't - good for you!

Good luck!

[Kris]

Thank you for the advice. I'll clarify those things in the next draft. There is a romance angle but I didn't think it was important to the query since it's secondary to the main plot.