Blurb help for fantasy

[Kitty]

Rygan is considered a monster by nearly all who meet him. A man of four races he is often met with fear, suspicion and hatred. To make matters worse, his grandfather, the Troll God Turok, wants to lay waste to all nations

All Rygan wants is to find the talismans that make up the Troll God’s prison. He does not need complications. Complications like Danielle, an elfin/human Halfling with a knack for getting in trouble. Unfortunately, Danielle has one of the talismans Rygan desperately needs.

On the advice of Danielle’s grandfather, who happens to be a wizard, the two set out to find the last remaining Dragon. Things go sideways when Danielle is abducted by minions of the Troll God. Now, Rygan must lead an expedition to the far north to rescue her. To the middle of a frozen wasteland where an angry god awaits.

So much for not having complications.

[DJay]

is this story out or is it just a thought atm?

[Phillip]

The four race angle is intriguing. How light/dark is this fantasy?

[M.L.]

Titles/placeholder titles help to focus what the story is about. Phillip's comment might be a good place to start if it applies. But also, that's what stood out to a potential reader, as the description is now. The Four-Race Problem. Topical as well and then applied to fantasy. A Hugo winner of a few years back was The Three-Body Problem.

[Noor]

It sounds interesting! I think you have a good blurb there, personally. It tells us a bit about the story and has some intriguing hints of things in it, such as the whole four race thing, the search for the dragon, etc.

The only possible nitpick I had when reading it is that the last part:
"Things go sideways when Danielle is abducted by minions of the Troll God. Now, Rygan must lead an expedition to the far north to rescue her. To the middle of a frozen wasteland where an angry god awaits."

seemed to perhaps be revealing a bit too much plot. How far into the book does she get abducted? If it's pretty far in I would leave it out of the blurb personally, but that's just my opinion.

Anyway, sounds good!

*goes to check if this is an already published thing*

[Carro]

who happens to be a wizard,

So is being a wizard important to the advice he gives?

You might want to say "wizard grandfather" as it takes fewer words and "who happens" is an unengaging phrase. Try replacing "wizard" with "blue eyes" - Who happens to have blue eyes..... and that gives you a feel of why I don't like who happens in this context.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Kitty, I removed your link. It's fine to seek help on your blurb here, but please don't include links or attempt to sell it here. This is a support group, not a marketplace. Thanks.

[Kitty]

I only posted it because it seemed like someone was interested in it.

[Kitty]

I re-wrote the blurb but I am not sure it's an improvement.

Rygan is considered a monster by nearly all who meet him. A man of four races he is often met with fear, suspicion and hatred. To make matters worse, his grandfather, the Troll God Turok, wants to lay waste to all nations

All Rygan wants is to find the talismans that make up the Troll God’s prison. He does not need complications. Complications like Danielle, an elfin/human Halfling with a knack for getting in trouble. Unfortunately, Danielle has one of the twelve talismans Rygan desperately needs.


On the advice of a wizard the two of them set out to find a Dragon who may or may not have one of the Talismans.

Along the way they are joined by others. An Elf on his adulthood quest, An elven priestess who has much to learn about the outside world. A Nameless Gnome slave who wants to free his people, and a pirate who is in it for reasons of his own.

They are the only thing standing between the Troll God and all that is good.