Beta Reader Group discussion
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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query for my debut novel. Please leave feedback
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On the whole it works for me. I do suggest it's very important you look at your query/blurb/etc. in plain text and ensure there are blank lines between paragraphs, as for me, in my browser, it all runs together and makes it hard to read.I suggest the liberal use of contractions.
I'm not sure knowing Michael's age matters.
I also felt you were 'hopping heads' when you switch to what I feel is Molina's POV.
The main issue may be length. The supposed sweet spot for blurbs is 100-150 words and yours is 226.
You don't need 'complete at,' 'debut novel' or 'A full manuscript is available on request.'
I think with some polishing it should work.
Yes I have spaces I don’t know why it turned out like this. And thank you for the advice. I will shorten it out. As far as the point of view, the book itself switches back and forth from each of their point of view so I did I best I could to reflect this in the blurb....challenging to fit so much into a short paragraph .....!!
Try to keep each POV in it's own paragraph. That should help.
Sorry if I'm overstepping here, but this is my suggestion. Language not finalized, I just looked at flow for what seems to be the theme of the book.REVISION START “Everybody has a guardian angel watching over them from the time that they are born…” a dying mother tells her son. Twenty-six years later, that boy, Michael Noon, entreats his angel to save his dying, cancer-stricken wife, and she is cured.
They have a new lease on life, together. Everything goes back to the way it was. Almost. After struggling in their small North Carolina town for years, Molina’s paintings are gaining popularity. She’s inspired by a new, powerful presence; Michael is worried by the increasing strangeness of her paintings.
Michael realizes he is once again losing her and embarks on a desperate spiritual journey that leads to a truth that is heartbreaking and unlocks dimensions that he could have never imagined.
WE SHOUT AT ANGELS is a 65,000 word work of paranormal fiction with hints of sublime surrealism. It appeals to fans of Neil Gaiman and Anne Rice with the perfect combination of dark romance and spiritual themes. A tale intended to change people’s views on relationships, odd-worldly dimensions, death, as well as life itself. A working musician, I currently live in North Carolina, along with my guardian angel. A full manuscript is available on request. Thank you for your consideration. " REVISION END
If you use your original version, you should remove the qualifier words like "practically", "soon", "hectic", "finally". Also, I can't really tell if "fantasy" is the right word - it makes me doubt the whole premise of the powerful presence, like maybe she's unbalanced after her near death experience.
For what it's worth, this sounds very interesting. I love reading angel stuff and underdog stories.
Thank you I actually liked how to shortened my blurb portion.
“Everybody has a guardian angel watching over them from the that they are born…”
…a dying mother tells her son. Years later and now a grown man, that boy, Michael Noon, entreats his guardian angel to save his dying, cancer-stricken wife, Molina, a struggling painter, and she is cured miraculously. Their relationship is revived.
On the outside, she appears to be the same woman. She smiles. She laughs. She paints. Despite her growing popularity in a small town in North Carolina, the two of them still lie side by side every night as they always have. But on the inside, Molina feels a powerful presence following her around. It is always there. Once this mystifying presence finally visits her, it is love at first sight. A sublime attraction her creative mind cannot resist.
Michael is alarmed by her new strange paintings and realizes he is once again losing her and embarks on a desperate spiritual journey that leads to a truth that is heartbreaking and unlocks dimensions that he nor her could have never imagined.
WE SHOUT AT ANGELS is a 65,000 paranormal fiction novel with hints of subtle surrealism. It appeals to fans of Neil Gaiman and Anne Rice with the perfect combination of dark romance and spiritual themes. A tale intended to change people’s views on relationships, odd-worldly dimensions, death, as well as life itself. A working musician, I currently live in North Carolina, along with my own guardian angel. Thank you for your consideration.
ORIGINAL:
“Everybody has a guardian angel watching over them from the time that they are born…”
Michael Noon, a twenty-six-year-old stuntman, was left with these words from his deceased mother when he was a child and practically grew up basing his entire life off of this belief. After a series of strange dreams, he soon discovers that his wife, Molina, a struggling painter, has cancer. A hectic year after her diagnosis, she finally enters the final stages of this terrible disease. Desperate to do anything to save her, Michael frantically calls upon his guardian angel to save her and miraculously, she is healed while lying on her deathbed.
On the outside, she appears to be the same woman. She smiles. She laughs. She paints. Despite her growing popularity in a small town in North Carolina, the two of them still lie side by side each night as they always had. But on the inside, Molina feels a powerful presence following her around. It is always there. Once this mystifying presence finally visits her, it is love at first sight. An attraction and fantasy her creative mind cannot resist.
Her strange paintings alarm Michael immediately, as his wife acts more and more distant, and he embarks on a desperate spiritual journey that leads to a truth that is heartbreaking and unlocks dimensions that he could have never imagined.
WE SHOUT AT ANGELS, my debut novel, complete at 65,000 words, is a work of paranormal fiction with hints of sublime surrealism. It appeals to fans of Neil Gaiman and Anne Rice with the perfect combination of dark romance and spiritual themes. A tale intended to change people’s views on relationships, odd-worldly dimensions, death, as well as life itself. A working musician, I currently live in North Carolina, along with my guardian angel. A full manuscript is available on request. Thank you for your consideration.