Redemption arcs (former cheaters especially)

[Chessela]

While plotting my current project I had the idea of using a side character as a hero later on, but it would be a redemption arc because he's been cheating (not on a significant other, but with someone else's significant other). So that got me curious about what my fellow readers thought about redemption arcs.

What are you willing to forgive a character for? What are you NOT willing to forgive a character for? When the character cheated, what do you think they have to do to prove remorse and that they won't do it again? Is it different if the cheater is 'the other man' rather than cheating in their own relationship? Does it make a difference if the cheater was truly in love with the person they cheated with?

Tell me about redemption arcs you've enjoyed reading, and redemption arcs that left you thinking 'nope, they didn't repent.' What makes redemption work in a story?

[M.A.]

Hi! Great question😊. Cheating is always touchy and personal thresholds vary on tolerance. In regards to making a former cheater a hero, I think you can do it, but very carefully. The upside is it can be a dramatic arc with a significant “come to realize” moment.

My personal bias is that, if a man/woman doesn’t respect the marriage commitment in general, they will never respect their own. That’s harsh and based on my own experiences blah blah.

If I’m your reader, you’ll have to show me serious motivation for your hero’s change. Still, there are things I could accept— the married woman lied to him for an extended period of time, or the married woman married him and then cheated on him—-showing him EXACTLY why all marriages should be respected. Good luck!

[Chessela]

Hey Melody! Good to see a fellow Dallas writer.

Those points make sense. I'm still playing around with the idea mentally to see what he could be telling himself to justify his behavior. I like the idea of the woman lying to him - in fact I just got a good idea about it! Thanks for inspiring me!

[M.A.]

Good deal!

[Denieal]

A context where I feel redemption of cheating can work is if there is a fated mate scenario. It seems easier to forgive if there is some kind of magical pull that is forcing the character to cheat.

[Amanda]

I think it’s very compelling to have a redemption after a sufficient punishment has been meted out. For example, if the cheater (he who will be redeemed) has their heart broken and has to face some hard truths or maybe nearly dies, then happy days. I don’t think you can play the margin on a sensitive topic like infidelity without investing a lot of time inside the (former infidel?)’s head or giving a pound of flesh. That’s just me though.

[Chessela]

Denieal - That's an interesting take. I haven't read that before.

Amanda - that makes sense. I definitely want the character to have to suffer for what he's done (broken heart, and has to deal with the repercussions of hurting someone he really cares about). But he knows he deserves that and when he does get his chance for a healthy relationship, he is constantly aware of how lucky and grateful he is.

[Cozen]

Ikm not one for cheaters or personal back story baggage. But I found that when the cheated doesn’t give an inch... and maybe their can be some baggage that can actually have some real impact one another's action. Take Born to Be Bound: Omegaverse Dark Romance the author allows you to go through the real raw emotions and doesn’t give the cheater an excuse for it. But as a reader, somewhere deep down you know that being born in an underground prison with pedophiles and other criminals- knowing you yourself was a product of rape from an unknown man, has an effect on why they can’t and don’t see why cheating- even if it was later on acknowledged that the woman would have killed her without the act being performed (I know how that sounds. It’s a dark romance though). It all comes together.

But random cheating that is caught by an unexpecting main character, I don’t like those. Especially if the cheater is smug, blasé, non apologetic, or gives a lame excuse about why he did it - “Really honey... it’s not what it looks likes - really plucks a nerve. It’s even worse when the cheated just seems to cave in and except that he’s cheated but forgives him so easily. That really takes the cake. Groveling is necessary.

[Chessela]

Cozen - I agree that I always want to see cheaters being remorseful, and that the person affected should make them work to gain forgiveness.

[Denieal]

The example I am thinking of was a wolf shifter story. The wolves believed strongly in fated mates but there was also a good chance that theirs would never be found in their lifetime so many people paired up with people who weren't their fated. In the context of the story, people understood someone leaving their partner for a fated mate because it's an irresistible biological imperative. That being said they are understandably not thrilled about it. The characters have to suffer for their actions but they are also redeemable because the ultimate understanding is that what they are doing is right and natural. Her Viking Wolf by Theodora Taylor is the book I am thinking of. I do agree though with what some of the others have said other than in the context I described, I do feel better about a redeemed cheater after they have suffered a good bit.

[Chessela]

Okay, I can see how that works in that world. I don't have fated mates in my universe, but I would eventually like to write some under a different pen name. There's something really comforting about the concept that there's someone for all of us!