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Query for YA Fantasy
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Is this better: Earth has healed itself from a nuclear fallout and there are different theories as to how that happened. The tribes believe that five shamans made a pact with the gods to abandon all technology and energy production. That one tribe broke that vow and became the Evil Empire.
The technologically-advanced Evil Empire casts itself as a Promethean figure, offering Mankind the technology and civilisation that the gods denied them.
The Empire wants to wage a war over a recently-discovered natural resource that some believe will destroy the world all over again. The Empire entrusts the 'King's Liars', a shadowy league of spin doctors, with the task of winning public approval for the war. Their newest recruit is sixteen year old Alix Tay, daughter of a tribal chief who first got on their radar when she passed herself off as her tribe's messiah at age five.
The Empire hadn't counted on Alix's obsession with the truth, and the tribes hadn't counted on being betrayed by one of their own. How far will Alix go for the truth? And does the world have to be destroyed (again) for one side to be vindicated?
Hajar wrote: "Alix has been deceiving her tribe, passing herself off as the prophesied messiah. It is the only way she knows how to save the horses otherwise doomed to be buried alive with their dead masters. Wh..."I think all you need is contained in the first two paragraphs. There are compelling ideas there, but they have to be presented a little differently. First, a question: Why does she want to save the horses? I know that Jainism believes all life is sacred. Is it tied to that?
Thank you Alex!I have another version (probably a little long), this time focusing more on the background- how the world became the way it is, the ideological divide between the tribes and the Empire...
"Somewhere in the tribal lands, a tribe bows before a five year old girl they believe to be their new messiah. But the girl they think their messiah is an impostor, desperate to end the tribe's practice of burying horses alive and save her favourite horse.
Earth has healed itself from a nuclear fallout and there are different theories as to how that happened. The tribes believe that five shamans made a pact with the gods, promising to forever abandon all technology and energy production in exchange for earth to be healed. That one tribe broke that vow and became the Evil Empire.
The technologically-advanced Evil Empire casts itself as a Promethean figure, offering Mankind the technology and civilisation that the gods denied them.
Now, the Empire wants war- over a recently-discovered natural resource that some believe will destroy the world all over again. The Empire entrusts the 'King's Liars', a shadowy league of spin doctors, with the task of winning public approval for the war. Their newest recruit is sixteen year old Alix Tay, daughter of a tribal chief who first got on their radar when she passed herself off as her tribe's messiah at age five.
The Empire hadn't counted on Alix's obsession with the truth, and the tribes hadn't counted on being betrayed by one of their own. How far will Alix go for the truth? And does the world have to be destroyed (again) for one side to be vindicated? "
I like the initial post with the focus on Alix. But I think you should begin it with her love of the horses and her refusal to accept they should be buried with their masters. To prevent this she deceives her tribe and passes herself off as the Messiah, no doubt then banning the burial of the horses. But now you have to link the invitation she gets to putting her in a position where she can't save the horses unless she goes along with the invitation. But joining ths school and becoming a King's Liar puts her (and the horses, and perhaps her tribe) in jeopardy.
The four King's Liars will have to prove themselves, orchestrating elaborate fronts for the lies that the King wants his people to believe. The ones who fail suffer a public, humiliating fall from grace. The ones who defy orders are killed, in the quiet of night. All four are playing for the ultimate prize: to be the msuccessor to the throne. Only one will succeed.
A Promethean cult, freediving monks and young Janissaries skating to create clean energy are some of the fun and eccentric elements of the novel.
'All the King's Liars' is set in a post-apocalyptic world and is complete at 70,000 words.
Alternative version (with alternative plot):
On her sixteenth birthday, Alix Tay accepts an invitation to join the King's Liars, the Evil Empire's version of political spin doctors. Her task is to gain public approval for the Empire's illegitimate war for Essence.
As part of the elaborate setups to convince or otherwise distract the public, Alix goes through all the motions of a YA fantasy heroine - she wins a horseback archery tournament, is briefly hailed as a messiah before being decried as a false one, and leads a war.
What she doesn't realise is that she's gone through all this before. Alix is caught in a time loop that makes her relive her experiences, each time in a different body- until she gets it right. This is her second attempt but time is working against her; the Empire gets closer to its goal each time she gets it wrong. To complicate matters, Alix is beginning to see things from the Empire's point of view- what does it mean then, to get things 'right'?
Set in a post-apocalyptic medieval world, All the King's Liars is complete at 70,000 words.
The novel is what would happen if PRETTY LITTLE LIARS met THE HUNGER GAMES by way of THE 7 1/2 DEATHS OF EVELYN HARDCASTLE . In creating a karmic loop out of familiar tropes like tournaments and war, the novel subverts the YA fantasy genre.