Query Blurb Feedback

[Serena Louise]

Hi everyone,

I'm nearing the stage where I'm looking to begin querying and I was hoping for some additional feedback on my query blurb. I have worked with an editor on the blurb and I wanted to get some other perspective thoughts on it.

I know the query blurb is different from the back jacket blurb and avoids vagueness so I was hoping for some honest advice around the below blurb. I am wondering if it gives away too much etc It is in the genre of Domestic Noir/Psychological Thriller. The rest of my query is in order so far!

Thank you!


Blurb:

Maddie only wants one thing: to be safe. After moving to London, Maddie gets a new job that she hopes will be the perfect distraction from living with her violent boyfriend. But it’s difficult to start over when making friends means someone might learn her secret—especially with her new boss, bereft CEO Nicholas York, wanting to get to know her better. Struggling to overcome the murder of his partner, Nicky becomes dependent on Maddie to juggle his commitments. When his romantic interest in her deepens, he notices that Maddie is always unwell and rarely opens up.

When her boyfriend goes to America for the holidays, Maddie boldly ends their treacherous relationship. Knowing he will retaliate upon his return; she prepares to get herself somewhere safe. Maddie turns to Nicky when her plan to leave reaches a dangerous dead end. It will take all of Maddie’s courage and trust in Nicky and the police to survive her boyfriend’s return and Nicky has to act fast. He can’t afford to lose another woman he cares about or to step back further into his depression before he met Maddie.

[Kevin]

It seems good to me. The one thing I'd say is that "to be safe" seems like a pretty vague reference as the only thing Maddie wants. Could it be expanded a touch for some more specificity?
Maddie only wants one thing: to be safe from her violent boyfriend
-to be free from her violent boyfriend?

Would it make sense to move the first two sentences from the second paragraph to follow the first sentence of the first paragraph, and then begin talking about her new job after that? That's not a rhetorical question. I don't know if it would be better or not. My thought is that it might be smoother to talk about the violent boyfriend and then the boss, as opposed to going back and forth.

I dunno. I'm terrible at these. I think it's good overall. Good luck!