alienated 👽

[💫 hey moon,]

Hey! My name is Mackenzie and welcome to my journal, alienated!

💫QUICK FACTS 💫
-female
-13 (14 in 2 days)
-Christian (but not against gay people or anything like that.)
-avid reader
-is learning Japanese and German
-nerd
-a professional alien

So basically here I will talk about life and what’s going up inside my brain box (it’s pretty messed up, be warned).

If you accidentally stumble across this journal... I apologise. You are going to be scared and I’m sorry 😂

This is just an intro but I’ll be sure to add more on here about myself and my fears and things I hate and love and all that jazz.

Have a nice day :D

-Mackenzie (hey moon, please forget to fall down)

[Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛]

Ooooh you're learning Japanese?

[K.C.]

Good luck with your Japanese studies! I'm learning it myself (hence some of my status updates, haha), actually, and while kanji are little pains in the butt, it's overall a fascinating language that can be applied/used in many ways.

[💫 hey moon,]

Yeah, I learn Japanese at home just by myself and take a few online courses. It can be really hard, especially kanji, but I enjoy it loads!

[Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛]

I only know the 'important' kanji haha

[💫 hey moon,]

Yeah same 😂

Ugh I’m D E A D. Yesterday my school had their cross country and I actually tried (ended up placing 16th out of like 25-30 something people) and I also tried my best at tug of war and fell over and hurt my neck. I woke up today and I can barely move 😂

[💫 hey moon,]

why alienated?


Hi, I’m Mackenzie and welcome to my TED talk 😂

a journal title is very important and a way to be creative so why did I choose a simple one word title: alienated?

the definition of alienated is experiencing or inducing feelings of isolation or estrangement. it’s one of my favourite words.

I feel alienated a lot. I feel like an alien. Well.. I am an alien. Of course I can say that in a joking way. I can say I am so weird and and from a different planet therefore I am an alien but deep down I feel different from today’s modern society. I don’t feel like a ‘normal’ teen. First of all, reading in my school is frowned upon by the student body. I’ve been called a nerd and a geek which idc about but it makes me feel distant from most of the student body. I am not very good at sports which is very abnormal in my school. I am a little thicker than the rest of the girls which makes me different and therefore abnormal. I don’t wear makeup or like parties or the beach or other cliché things teenagers like. My favourite season is not summer like everyone else, it’s winter. My favourite food is not takeout, it’s a nice roast chicken. I don’t spend all my money on lollies, I spend it on books and things I can cherish for longer than 2 seconds. I’m weird. I’m unique. I’m an alien.

Sometimes, because I’m an alien, I’m excluded and teased. This has happened for basically majority of my life. People don’t treat me the same at first glance. Maybe because I’m not pretty. Maybe because I’m deathly shy. Maybe all of the above. STORY TIME: in year 6, I moved away for high school. All my friends went to the local high school while I went to the local private school. That school had an orientation day and I was really nervous. I wore, and I remember this, a purple cardigan and jeans and I mean I looked a bit weird. On the orientation day we had a little recess and I didn’t know who to sit with. I couldn’t tell the popular girls from the normal ones. I didn’t really want to sit down. I was so nervous and having a mild panic attack 😂. I finally plucked up the courage and sat down in the biggest group. Obviously I asked before hand and they said yes. I picked the biggest group so I had more chance of making a friend and I could also easily slink away if all went wrong. My luck has it, I sat with the popular girls (spoiler alert, they are all kind of a bee eye tea see h if you get what I mean 😂). I sat down and they were all looking at me funny. As if I violated their personal space and personally offended them with my face (probably true, it happens). One of the girls sisters come up and says “you look ugly in that shirt”. Like woah, rude. She looked really good in the shirt and also she looked really sad so I said “I think that shirt looks good on you!” And she stared at me and didn’t even say thanks. I spent the rest of that recess trying to swallow tears because I missed my friends and desperately wanted out of that school. Luckily I did make some friends (thanks to a teacher LITERALLY DRAGGING ME TO A GROUP OF GIRLS. What can I say, I’m really shy 😂) who are really nice but they are also kind of aliens. More socially adapt aliens but aliens nonetheless.

Being an alien sucks. It sucks not fitting in. But there are so many other aliens out there and to be honest, aliens are way better than mundane humans. Just find yourself a group of some nice aliens and you are set for life. There are some bad aliens who will critique you on your alieness and even call you annoying for being too much of an alien. Leave those aliens behind. They are just as worse as humans. Finding nice aliens is easy. Just search for the weird group. The ones smiling. The ones that are happy.

Being an alien is nothing to hate. I’ve been an alien all my life and I hated it. All my life I felt self conscious about my alieness and even tried to be normal and a human! (It didn’t work). You should be a proud alien. Being an alien is a lot of fun and way better than being normal. You can even have some fun freaking out normal humans 😂 have fun.

This post was just a bit of fun but also a flash into my life and any reasoning behind the name of my journal. I hope all of you had fun reading this and have fun being an alien.

Thank you for reading and I love you all!

Mackenzie (hey moon, please forget to fall down)

[💫 hey moon,]

music. I’m gonna be honest. Music controls my life. Music and me just click. I’ve always loved music but let’s be honest, styles change. Here is a good look into my history of bands and music styles I have liked and a few songs and bands I recommend (I would tell you every song on my playlist because I love them all but my playlist goes for 10 hours so... yeah).

Let’s go back as far as I can remember which is my Moshi Monster phase. Yes, I was obsessed with the Moshi Monster playlist. I remember this was also my dancing phase and I would choreograph dances to each of their songs. I’m really embarrassed of this time but tbh, that playlist was a bop and you know it.

My next phase was my Taylor Swift/Pop phase. Yes, I was a cliché 10 year old. I loved Taylor Swift. My favourite song was “You Belong With Me” purely because of the music video. I must admit, I was late to the party. My friends at the time had to explain who she was to me but nonetheless I was her biggest fan. I’ve grown out of her music now but she is an extremely creative person and props to her. She is a very good musician.

Yes yes. I went through an emo phase (and still kinda am). When I was 12 I listened to “Death of a Bachelor” by Panic! At The Disco and oh. Oh. I fell into a hole. I listened to all of Brendon Urie’s songs and was very close to starting a fan page for him. He was also one of my first HARDCORE celeb crushes. I was a fangirl. I love his music but it’s kind of getting bad now with ME! just coming out and I’m not too happy. He’s moved away from “I’m a weird kid, be weird with me” to “pop mainstream crap” which if that makes him happy, I am too but I prefer his older stuff. My favourite song of his is “When The Day Met The Night”. Bop.

Here comes the Indie music!!! Tame Impala, Orla Gartland and Cavetown among many others. These people were my jam. Cavetown was my favourite BY FAR. “Lemon Boy” And “Boys Will Be Bugs” are two bops I still love. I’m still going through that Indie phase but I’m at the end of it.

And now we are here! The 80’s phase. I love 80’s music. My favourite artists being Bonnie Tyler (A Total Eclipse of the Heart, are you kidding me?), The Bee Gees (MORE THAN A WOMAAANNNN), Britney Spears (I’m going to say this in the nicest way possible... ITS BRITNEY (female dog) ), David Bowie, (SPACE ODDITY IS AMAZING DONT @ ME), David Byrne (I love Who), Fleetwood Mac (Rhiannon is my ish), George Micheal (Careless Whisper is amazing 😂 that sax tho!), Gwen Stefani (CUZ I AINT NO HOLLABACK GIRRLLLL),Madonna (Hung Up 10/10), Michel Jackson (hee hee), Prince (Raspberry Beret!!!), Queen (duh), and so many more.

I feel this is another category all in its self. Elton. John. I love Elton John. He is so good. I’m always so happy when I listen to his music. I love Bennie and the Jets and Rocketman among MANY MANY OTHERS. His outfits are 10/10 and he is such an icon. May I say, I’m so excited for Rocketman the movie and Taron Egerton is frigging hot as 😂. Also I’m so mad that it got banned on Russia because of the gay scene. That is so stupid and I am so mad (this is a journal for another day, Mackenzies views on equality and homosexuality, it’s a long one).

So.... that’s my music taste. Currently I am obsessed with Emo music, Indie music and 80’s music. My favourite artist is Elton John (by far) and yeah...

Sorry that this was quite a blabby journal. It probably made 0 sense 😂

See y’all on the flip side

Mackenzie (hey moon, please forget to fall down 💫)

[💫 hey moon,]

okay. so, i said a while ago that i would make a journal on my views on homosexuality so HERE IT IS. (spoiler alert- i am extremely supportive of the lgbtq+ community:) also, happy pride month, y’all)

Chapter 1- Before High School

so basically, i’m a Christian. i believe in God and that Jesus was the son of God and he was sent down to Earth and died for our sins and all that fun jazz. although i’m Christian now, i wasn’t exactly raised Christian. my parents didn’t force it upon me and we don’t go to church really ever and i’ve never been baptised. i grew up not really ever second guessing my thoughts on homosexuality- it’s fine, you do you! well, until i came to high school. i go to a private Christian school. i truely love it there. it’s a great school! (except a handful of jerks but eh). i thought everyone else had the same beliefs to me until half way through year 7 when i said the word equality and a guy turned around and said “you don’t mean marriage equality, right?” and I replied “no.” because i wasn’t using equality in that context and he said “phew! cuz that’s bad.” i was shocked. this was my first encounter with an openly homophobic person.

Chapter 2- Fitting In

i am so ashamed. i truely am. i’m an idiot. seriously, unfollow me, dislike this, hate me. i has myself because of this. I was in year 7 and everyone around me was openly homophobic. i felt so weird, i didn’t feel homophobic. was homophobic normal? was i a bad christian because i was supportive of gay people? i decided that both of those statements were true and i needed to change something so i started agreeing with people around me. yeah, gays are bad! pff they are wrong and sinners! i. feel. horrible. i felt bad! this wasn’t me! i felt trapped. i just wanted to fit in. so desperately. a new school, new people and lots of them were homophobic. i didn’t want them to judge me! so i did something horrible. i became an “open homophobic”. inside i was hiding that i secretly supported them. i felt so stupid. why couldn’t i be myself? i prayed to God. “why do i think it’s okay, Lord? what is it about me?” I didn’t get a normal answer like i normally do from him but suddenly I got obsessed with icons who were either homosexuals or supporters. Brendon Urie, Elton John, Freddie Mercury and so many more. i’d never really taken interest in these people before and, this may be stupid, but i took it as a sign. also their work supporting the lgbtq+ community inspired me. it’s weird what influencers can do. i trust in them so much. that may make me naive but eh.

Chapter 3- Current Day
now i am more open with my support of the community. sure, i get judge looks from my peers (especially with my constant rambling about how a sexual preference doesn’t determine a human’s humanity or talents). my blood boils at those who are homophobic but i do not yell. i state my beliefs and they may yell at me but i don’t care. now, i’m not walking around screaming my beliefs and i still do get a bit shy when stating my beliefs as the students at my school are extremely judgemental and are very strong and classic Christians but i’m working on it :)

i hope my story can help any of those in a similar situation. seriously, never change a gut feeling. don’t do it. gut feelings are there for a reason. also never change for others. if they judge you, they aren’t good enough.

also if you have never heard of this icons i mentioned, SERIOUSLY LOOK THEM UP WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?

ah. i hope that made sense and it wasn’t just fluff. also i hope no one hates me.

happy pride month everyone 🏳️‍🌈

Mackenzie (💫hey moon, don’t forget to fall down 💫)

[💫 hey moon,]

hmm.

current thoughts:

i feel weak. not physically but mentally. i used to be so organised and good with managing mental health but now it’s kinda sucky. i panic a lot more. i get angry a lot more. i get sad a lot more. i’m just kind of a huge jerk. life is hard but i keep on forgetting that i am so well off and that makes me feel like a huge prick, complaining all the time.

i feel left out. i’m shy and not cool. my good friend is going off and making cool popular friends who i would love to meet and stop being scared of them but i can’t. also i always think “she doesn’t want me there.” which may be true, idk. she’s different now. not in a bad way. not in a good way. i wish i had her skills. to fit in. to be cool. to look pretty. i just look fat and ugly 24/7 and am always sarcastic and blunt. people hate me. i think she does too.

i feel tired. night is wonderful and mysterious and beautiful. i stay up just to witness the pure darkness, not knowing what is lurking in the sea of black but when morning arises, i can’t get up. i can’t be nocturnal, sadly. that’s not how it works. also my clock keeps me up. ticking loudly indicating each second passing. i could take the batteries out but i can’t bring myself to, like that is accepting defeat. whatever, caffeine is my best friend.

late night low key depressed mackenzie. wasn’t expecting that to make it on to the internet 😂

btw, i truely am fine. i am just working on some stuff and thought i should share emotions? yay?

also, maybe a whole 1.5 people will read this so i don’t really care about being emotionally vulnerable.

have a nice night

[💫 hey moon,]

so, im sure all of you are wondering “what’s it like to be in Mackenzie’s brain, what would it be like to live a day in her shoes?” (im aware no one is thinking that, shut up).

so here it is.

a day in the life of a nerdy teenage kiddo.
(we are going to do Thursday, m’kay?)

3:30am
yes, my morning start that early. not from an alarm or a someone waking me up, but my brain. yes, i automatically wake up at 3:30. every. morning. i either wake up ravenous or thirsty. after i quench my thirst or stop the howling of the monsters in my stomach, i go back to sleep. drifting...
in...
and...
out....
until...

5:00am
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
oh wow, an alarm. i have the same theory as Garfield, if i set my alarm for earlier, i get to sleep in for longer. i normally just turn this alarm off and go back to sleep until not FIVE MINUTES LATER it goes if again... this cycle of each five minutes getting sleep until some ungodly alarm awakes me from my slumber until...

6:00am
*sigh* its time to rise and brave the artic.

so where i live it’s super cold so it’s hard to get out of bed but.. i manage.. sometimes..

so the first thing i do in the morning is EAT. recently ive been trying to eat more healthier (ik, im a good gol) so most mornings i eat an avocado tortilla (yes, i have the same breakfast as Joana Cedia) and a thiqq glass of water. it’s not the most healthy thing i could eat but it’s better than sugary cereal and caffeine. also, fun fact, i have only had one coffee this week, be proud.

anyways after my tummy has been tamed, i have to pack my lunch for school which always consists of a packet of pea crisps (they are better for you than potato chips, i think), a muesli bar and a piece of fruit and either a salad or nothing for my lunch. in this time i also prepare my drink. i drink these infuser things that you put in your water.. they taste yummy...

after i pack my lunch, i pack my bag. i put in all my work books used for homework the night before and (on some days) take my trumpet and place it next to my bag. this happens most mornings.

i then go get changed into my school uniform which... y’know, it’s okay. lots of people have problems with uniform because you can’t express yourself through clothes but honestly idc. it’s okay. whatever. anyways, after i get changed i CLEAN. i make my bed, tidy my desk and tidy all my nick nacks around my room.

8:00am
*sigh*

it’s time my people. its time to go to school. AHHHHHHHHHH.

so, i walk to school because i don’t live that far away but tbh walking is boring so i always listen to music. if you read my music post you would know i love 80’s music, especially Elton John and Freddie Mercury. i would like to update you that i am also in love with 60’s music. especially The Beatles:) i am currently loving “Hey Jude”, “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”, “I Am The Walrus” among many others.

once i arrive at school, i greet my many many friends (literally 5 people). just kidding, i am very blessed to have many friends who i can talk to but.. i don’t... i normally go down to the library to find warmth and normally borrow out 15739472 books :))

8:45(??)
school has begun. we start of at homeroom. we watch a video on a book from the bible (it was Chronicles today :)) ) after the video is done we pray to our lord and saviour Jesus Christ and go our separate ways.

9:00:
so on a Thursday we have double math which honestly can go die in a hole. i hate math. i have an awesome teacher but math is just very boring. it’s not my forte. on thursdays, just to make double math in the morning even spicier, we have a test. my test was 5 pages long and consisted of 22 online questions.

*sighs*

*in the distance* NO THATS GREAT. THATS FANTASTIC. ITS FRESH, FUN, FANTASTIC. ITS GOOD FOR ME. GOOD FOR YOU. GOOD FOR EVERYONE ON GODS GREEN EARTH

so yeah, math kinda sucks but normally on this day we get cake which is fun and we love.

10:31:
at precisely 10:31, i am free. for about 15 minutes. yes my children, it’s recess. every recess i go with my friends outside the science lab where there is shade and most importantly.. A CORNER. we call it the safe corner because no one ever talks to us there. here, i feast on my packed lunch while discussing a range of topics ranging from oblivion to what colour packaging did the bbq shapes have?

10:49-
time to go back to work.

in period three it is time to english it up. i like english. it’s fun although we get heaps of essays. anyways it’s kind of uneventful...

11:35-
ITS GERMAN TIME BABY.

HALLO, ICH HEISSE MACKENZIE.

yes, i do german. its compulsory. german is fun but im not doing it next year. although i will hopefully be attending a competition this year so I’ll tell you how that goes.

12:21:
it’s time to get our Einstein on.

its science time.

so again, science is pretty uneventful. it’s really easy. i got straight A’s in my last report for science so im not really worried.. our science teacher this year is very interesting. a lot of people complain about him. idc really. he hasn’t done anything to personally offend me but some things he has done has annoyed me.

1:07:
ITS LUNNNCCCCCHHHHH

so on Thursdays i have prayer group. it’s basically where we gather and pray about anything. it’s actually heaps of fun and a good way to talk to God. yay religion.

after prayer group we sit up the top end of the school waiting next to our next class so we aren’t late.

1:40:
two.. periods... left...

at this time im rlly tired and want to go home. actually that’s incorrect. i want to go home as soon as homeroom is over.

anyways SOSE. honestly, idk what SOSE stands for but it’s basically ya history and geography. this lesson we watched videos of people sinking in sink holes. it was rlly interesting. i like SOSE. it’s alright.


2:30
so my school is special and does this thing every Thursday called co-curricular which is basically where they encourage students interests. you get to choose a subject, hobby, sport, etc and you learn how to do it. some things this term was AusLan, Mountain Bike Riding, Puppetry, Table Tennis and Rugby. im doing something called Tournament of the Minds which is where you get given a challenge and you have to solve it and give a play based on your resolution. it’s heaps of fun.

3:15:
AHHHHHHHHHHH
THE DAY IS OVER
FINALLY

now i walk home. i again listen to music and yee.

4:00:
i normally always get home at 4. as soon as i get home, i get changed and EAT. i then do about an hour of homework (yay) and then i do chores (dishes :( ). i then basically sit on my phone in bed until my parents get home and have dinner.

After Dinner:

after dinner i normally go have a shower and then do the dishes again.

9:00pm-
i always vow that i will fall asleep at 9:00 but that never happens. 9:00 is just when i turn my lights off, not when i sleep. i normally go on my phone until some ungodly hour where I can barely open my eyes.

11:08:
so here we are now. at the end of my day. i will probably pissfart around on my phone until like 12:00 and then i’ll fall asleep.. yay.

so that’s my day

ik, boring.

okay im bored now and can’t think of anything funny to say

*insert funny farewell here*

Mackenzie (hey moon, please forget to fall down)

[💫 hey moon,]

okay year 8 kinda sucks.

why?

-more work
-more TeA
-people changing (for worse)
-raised expectations
-did i mention more work?
-also more drama?
-oh yeah, heaps of work
-and drama
-okay, imagine like a truck of work
-more drama that James Charles
-less work than year 9 but I’m still complaining
-drama

okay thanks for listening to my TED talk