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Sunday Conversation Topic 3/10/19
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Another thoughtful conversation on the agenda! I will return...
My least favorite comment from non readers is, hands down: Oh, it must be so nice to have the free time to read! I wish I could do that. 🤯
Every month I like to announce to my husband what the the new tags are and what the fun challenges for the year are. He is completely disinterested, and almost sounds bothered that I insist on telling him. That paints a very bad picture of him. He’s a charming guy. But I do wish you were more interested in hearing about my back life, even if he wasn’t such a reader himself. I think he never tells me that my reading is a waste of time, and I think he respects it and maybe even is a little impressed by it. I think the most attention we have around it is when I have actually bought him a book I think he would love and he will refuse to pick it up. Or he’ll buy himself a book and I noticed traveling around the house and even to other countries or states, and it never really gets picked up. I don’t say a word about it, but if I did I think whatever his struggle is, he would be upset with me. He would hate to think it’s a test or something. Meanwhile, he bought Becoming for himself, maybe me after. And I have since read it and I lent it to two people. I really do think he would love it. But I think right now he’s very invested in listening to politics and what not. It’s sort of not his thing. No one else in my life is unsupportive or makes comments. Mostly friends want to know what I’m reading. And what’s good and what’s not. Or asked me for recommendations for trips and vacations and things. Sometimes for other people.
My husband was a voracious reader like me so that was nice. We shared many books together. Now it is my friends. My kids make fun of me but it is in good fun. They call me a nerd but they are nerds in other ways. I do have one son that loves to read as much as I do, only anime. And I am totally fine with that. They are supportive in that books are always the gifts they get me because they know how much I love them. My daughter helps me take photos for Instagram and the books I read. She always wants the plot so that maybe the photo can symbolize that. So in that way she supports my love for books.
There are a few comments that drive me crazy. "Do you need all those books? Do you actually read them all?" Those are the people who see my bookshelves. My favorite is "how do you have so much time to read? Often they can be rude and add, "well you are widowed and your children don't live at home anymore?" That one really gets me. Are you kidding me? I read just as much as before, thank you very much!
There are a few comments that drive me crazy. "Do you need all those books? Do you actually read them all?" Those are the people who see my bookshelves. My favorite is "how do you have so much time to read? Often they can be rude and add, "well you are widowed and your children don't live at home anymore?" That one really gets me. Are you kidding me? I read just as much as before, thank you very much!
Rachel, those are also annoying comments! I try to nicely point out that everyone has hobbies, mine happens to be reading. Some people sew or knit, some people really enjoy watching TV, others may run or bike, several of my friends really enjoy podcasts. We all prioritize what makes us most happy or best helps us unwind and relax. For me, that is reading.
I feel like people are still skeptical.
Nobody in my life reads as much as I do. Both my mother and father were readers, but perhaps not as voracious as I am. My husband doesn't read books at all except cookbooks and sports pages.
To support my book habit, I have PBT and Goodreads, which no one in my life understands how pleasant it is to have online friends who I can talk books with.
My pet peeve with books is nobody in my life can really choose books for me which appeal to me. I am really bummed out by that, because I think I am fairly outspoken about what I like. It seems like my nearest and dearest don't really understand me. :(
I have one sister who insists on getting me deeply religious books. I realize it is important to her, but it is not to me and when my entire house is filled with books on my TBR it isn't likely that I will read those first.
I sound like such a brat.
My husband only reads occasionally-he just shakes his head and smiles when i bring another book in the house. His best comment to me was "You don't read, you devour". At times, when I am reading a good non-fiction I will corner him and tell him why it is so good. Right now I am reading The Mastermind: Drugs. Empire. Murder. Betrayal. and the other night he sat politely and listened to me rave about it. However, if you asked him today what I told him, he probably could not tell you. Sometimes it bothers me that I don't have a partner to discuss books with, but my daughter fills that role for me. I view PBT as my private space, would not want my family here-
I get the same remarks about "having so much time to read"(yea right!) Also, when people see my pile of books they are shocked and dismayed that I spend so much time buried in a books. My sister once asked me if I was using books as an escape-you should have seen her face when I said yes! LOL-escaping into a book is the best relaxation I can think of-but some people just do not get it.
There has only two time my husband as every commented on my read once when I went through a half a box of Kleenex and once when I couldn't stop laughing. Neither time was he negative. He is a Facebook fanatic and I have my books. We let each other do their own thing and if we find something interesting we share and listen.
I grew up with a mother who read 4 books a week and made weekly trips to the library. Her favorite books were detective stories. On the other hand, my father preferred to fish and did not like to read books. Our home also received 2 daily newspapers that were read every day. I was encouraged to read from an early age.Now, as an adult, I am an avid reader. I'm married to a man who reads the sports section daily, but seldom reads books. His interest is playing guitar. I'm sorry at times that we don't share each other's hobbies, but we find time to do other things that we can enjoy together.
I believe that we all need balance in our lives. Reading can be a wonderful past time and can be balanced with other interests.
Nicole R wrote: "Rachel, those are also annoying comments!
I try to nicely point out that everyone has hobbies, mine happens to be reading. Some people sew or knit, some people really enjoy watching TV, others ma..."
Agreed. Its such a weird thing. People can keep busy doing so many things but reading seems so foreign to some people.:)
I try to nicely point out that everyone has hobbies, mine happens to be reading. Some people sew or knit, some people really enjoy watching TV, others ma..."
Agreed. Its such a weird thing. People can keep busy doing so many things but reading seems so foreign to some people.:)
This is just not an issue for me. Reading has always been a huge part of my life, yet essentially deeply personal, and quite private. We were certainly encouraged to read growing up, taken to the library, read aloud to when very young, even though my parents barely had time to read the daily paper. Dairy farming was 24/7. Books weren't discussed except in classrooms. This did not bother me in the least. I did start discussing books with friends in college, among other things, and basically have continued doing so through the rest of my life. I am single, no children, which means I don't experience a spouse or child around all the time who does not share the passion. It's just me and my books and hobbies. My friends and sisters are readers, and we talk books all the time, share them, critique them.
Friends and co-workers often ask me for suggestions which of course devolve into ongoing conversations. I started keeping an up-to-date public wishlist on Amazon so friends and family could buy me books without worrying that I already have it. If someone does wonder how I manage so many books when I have a demanding job, lots of hobbies and interests, and a busy social life, I remind them that I read when commuting and before bed, I read fast, and I don't have children or spouse needing me. And I read books, not newspapers and magazines.
About the only person in my life who doesn't read is my brother, but he reads so many newspapers and magazines, he puts me to shame on current events. He just doesn't read books. I talk books with the majority of the people in my life. What is fascinating is just how often a friend or co-worker who is an equally avid reader and I actually don't discuss books much because our reading is miles apart. One friend reads only non-fiction, a work colleague seems only to read YA fantasy, another is scifi. Those are just not genres I read very much. We talk at each other about books! Or maybe that's we babble about books...
I do enjoy how social media as expanded my book discussion universe, leading to more in depth discussions about same books when I am in the mood. It suits my nature as a private solitary reader.
I am going to couch this by saying that I feel like I don't read as much as I used to. Honestly, I think that I waste too much time on my phone. UGH. And I need to do a better job of managing that.However, more to the point of the conversation since I am moving back to reading more than playing on my phone.
My husband and son are both avid readers, thank goodness. So, we share a love of reading, which means I cannot speak to those who are the closest to me on a daily basis not being readers.
My husband and son mostly tend to read sci-fi and fantasy. In fact, my son seems to be stuck in those two genres and will read little else unless it's something he is required to read for school.
So, I do kind of wish they would read some of the same things that I do, so we could talk about the things we read more. (I do have two book clubs for that though.....still.)
My husband and son also have accounts here on Goodreads but aren't really members of any groups.
With my parents, on the other hand, it's a different situation. My dad is a reader, but stuck in one genre nearly 95% of the time--military and/or spy thrillers. My mother, on the other hand, really only reads magazines and gardening books, and often complains about how much time my dad spends reading, especially since they have both retired. She would rather he get up and do something than sit and read so much. So, when they come to visit, I bite my tongue if she makes those types of comments.
Most of my friends are avid readers, but I do have one who thinks "reading is a waste of time" and does not encourage reading among any of her three kids. With her oldest son, I have actually seen her take a books away from him as he is reading and tell him "now is not the time for reading". This ALWAYS makes me cringe. With her middle son, who does have fluence issues, she always says, "I don't make him read because he has fluency issues". And, again, I bite my tongue, because, one of the best ways to address fluency issues with reading is to, well, read more. And with her youngest daugther, she simply says "I don't make her read because she's not intereted in it" and then goes one to say that since she and her husband are not really big readers either that they don't really encourage it among their kids.
Most of the time, I don't really know how to respond to her when she says these things, so I just quietly let it go.
Thankfully, she's never really directed any comment to me about how many books we have in our house or how much time I spend reading. I might have to re-evaluate the friendship at that point. :)
I would never have married a man who did not read or appreciate books - they're too much a part of my life to not be able to share them with my partner. He's not an avid reader like me, but at least he does read, and more than your average Joe, especially with me shoving books in his face LOL.
My husband and I both grew up in reading families. We both remember getting our first library cards and spending time at our neighborhood libraries. We are both still avid readers but definitely have different taste in books. He reads primarily non-fiction and periodicals. I read mostly contemporary fiction. I used to keep a book journal so Goodreads is my online version. I have also been spending time in some of the groups and I have been enjoying that, especially since I no longer belong to a F2F book club. My husband is not interested in Goodreads but my older son is and I enjoy seeing what he is reading. My mom is approaching her 90th birthday and still reading! Last week I bought her a couple of books via Amazon and she was thrilled! She started reading one and lent the other to her friend. So reading has always been with me and hopefully always will.
My husband doesn’t tend to read, and I watch very little TV (and play zero online poker lol). So we just have different relaxation habits and we don’t give each other grief about them. Except when I come home with yet another book from the bookstore and he delivers one of his very pointed looks at the piles that occupy various surfaces including the study floor... My mother who lives with us is an avid reader and sometimes we like the same things such as many fantasy books or Regency romances. So that is fun. My sons both read a lot and so do their partners - we lend books back and forth quite a bit. I also have some friends who are bookworms, and it’s lovely swapping both ideas and books.
I’ve suggested to Mum that she might like PBT, but sometimes I wonder if that would be wise (parent-over-shoulder - or even daughter-over-shoulder, lol). In any case she hasn’t done it yet. Unless she’s lurking and hasn’t told me. Eek.
Last night at the playoff basketball game, I encountered a mother that I know, and she was talking to another mom. And they were talking about their workouts. The classes they like to go to, the commitments the endorphins. I didn’t know what to say since that doesn’t fall into my life. So I said guess what! I don’t really have a workout routine, which is embarrassing. But I do I read 100 books a year- Which while impressive, unfortunately I imagine are all stacked up somewhere between my knees and my neck. Reading can be a quite sedentary sport. I actually thought it was a helpful add in an awkward spot.
Amy wrote: "Last night at the playoff basketball game, I encountered a mother that I know, and she was talking to another mom. And they were talking about their workouts. The classes they like to go to, the co..."
This made my morning.:)
This made my morning.:)
Amy wrote: "Last night at the playoff basketball game, I encountered a mother that I know, and she was talking to another mom. And they were talking about their workouts. The classes they like to go to, the co..."I think of it is as "exercising my brain" 😊
I feel about reading like I do my other passion, horror movies. I like to enjoy them with people who also enjoy them but it is not at all a deal breaker. My husband likes to read, but reads completely different stuff than me mostly, so we are not necessarily bonding over books. He loves movies, but not really horror specifically, so we still get to enjoy movies together. Of course, I want everyone to read, but I would rather we are on the same wave length when it comes to life goals, general outlook on life. If I know someone who is a voracious reader, but they are reading stuff that doesn't align with my interests it won't really matter because in that case we wouldn't be talking about reading. As an example, I know someone who only reads business books or books about leadership. I am not into that so I don't engage with that person about what they are reading. But they like trying new food, so we bond over different restaurants.
I prefer PBT to be my own. I wouldn't mind other friends joining, but not the hubby! This is my own space. We tend to enjoy our hobbies separate for the most part.
Anita actually enjoys that too! When I say all the books I’ve read are stacked through my midsection. It’s not quite true. But I do think it’s an interesting side Sunday conversation. That when you are reading so much which is quite sedentary, what are we doing to keep our bodies moving? Or are we?
Sometimes I walk around the park while I read or around my house when it is too cold. But, it can make one a lil dizzy. I work out after work so I can enjoy reading until bedtime :) On the weekends I will read for a couple hours then walk, then come back and read some more (if I am not reading and walking).
Amy wrote: "Last night at the playoff basketball game, I encountered a mother that I know, and she was talking to another mom. And they were talking about their workouts. The classes they like to go to, the co..."I have a bookmark that states: MY only exercise is reading in bed until my arms get tired.
I have no qualms about laying around reading in the afternoon. I have a an exercise class I go to 2 times a week-so I keep myself moving as best I can
Joanne wrote: "Amy wrote: "Last night at the playoff basketball game, I encountered a mother that I know, and she was talking to another mom. And they were talking about their workouts. The classes they like to g..."There is some aerobics in there -- picking up and holding the book/tablet, turning pages, let along all the work involved in getting out the ladder to get that book from the top shelf of the bookcase because you know it fits a challenge you are committed to do. Then there are all the steps you accrue wandering bookstores and going to the library.
And with a 100 books a year, that's a workout!
My husband and I joke around that I must have been left on the doorstep because I am the only reader in my immediate family, along with other interests where I am the only one. He likes to read, but we have different tastes. We do discuss books with each other even though our interests are somewhat different.My son used to love to read but the public school system beat that right out of him, unfortunately. He was an advanced reader and they made him read at "level" which meant lots of books he was not interested in. Some of my favorite memories are of going to the library with him weekly and reading at night before bedtime.
I would read rather than watch TV or go to the movies, so when people say they "don't have time" to read, I agree that it's a matter of priority. Some of my family members spend hours at night watching shows on television. They could easily read, but they choose to watch. They have never enjoyed reading like I do.
Book Concierge wrote: "I have a bookmark that states: MY only exercise is reading in bed until my arms get tired.Love it!
Over the years, I've given up more and more tv to read instead. My dad reads some, but my mom rarely at all, nor does my brother read. My cats are happy to cuddle with me on the couch while I read! :-) (Although, they're just as happy to cuddle with me on the couch while I watch tv, as well!)
Oh, and exercise. Not really while I'm reading. I do listen to books while I do yard work, housework and I take public transit, so I also listen as I walk/to from buses and trains. But the intent is not the exercise in any of those cases!
Amy wrote: "Anita actually enjoys that too! When I say all the books I’ve read are stacked through my midsection. It’s not quite true. But I do think it’s an interesting side Sunday conversation. That when you..."
Well, you know me and hiking and walking every day.:) The plus is that I listen to audiobooks so I get my two favorite things in. Plus, I walk so I can eat all the pasta I want and not worry about it!!
Well, you know me and hiking and walking every day.:) The plus is that I listen to audiobooks so I get my two favorite things in. Plus, I walk so I can eat all the pasta I want and not worry about it!!
My comment I hate so much is "why are you reading that. You know they made a movie. Its shorter and more fun"
Rachel wrote: "Amy wrote: "Anita actually enjoys that too! When I say all the books I’ve read are stacked through my midsection. It’s not quite true. But I do think it’s an interesting side Sunday conversation. T..."I have an 'exercise' audiobook that I only listen to when working out (mostly weightlifting or running on the treadmill.) I don't allow myself to listen to it at any other time so it motivates me to exercise as I want to find out what happens!
In terms of the original question. My boyfriend is a reader and we both read for about half an hour every night before bed and while commuting. I try to bond with him over books but he often reads hard sci-fi that I can't understand even when he explains it and he's not interested in my literary fiction books so we are happy to just sit (or lie) together and read separately.
Amy wrote: "Last night at the playoff basketball game, I encountered a mother that I know, and she was talking to another mom. And they were talking about their workouts. The classes they like to go to, the co..."I was in the same boat, Amy. I used to workout all the time, but got burned out on in after a while. After joining this group and really picking up my reading again, I still try to workout, but I'd rather spend that time with my nose in a book. I figured out a way to combine both passions...Audible and Kindle. When I'm out for a job, I will listen to a book I've purchased on Audible. When I'm stuck indoors on the treadmill, I magnify the print on my Kindle Paperwhite, so I can read and job. I've still collected a few pounds, but I'm trying to keep active both physically and mentally. I won't give up reading, but I don't want to keep buying larger clothes either.
My dad loves to read and purchased several children's book series for me. I would select 5 or 6 books a night when I was a kid and just read through them. My ex-husband was not a reader and when I got to that 'dating age', reading became less important. As my marriage began to crumble, I distinctly remember picking up Robert Jordan's The Eye of the World and getting lost in the story, away from the chaos and disappointment in my life at that time.
After the divorce, I started exploring other hobbies like cycling, running, and triathlons...all of which take up a lot of time. My family's comments at that point in my life were 'how do you find the time to do all that' or 'we never see you'.
My dad is a speed reader, going thru 4 or 5 books in a week. He has gifted many books to me over the years. Unfortunately, we don't have the same taste in genres all the time. He drifts towards spies/murder mysteries/war games...I love gritty sci-fi/fantasy romances, and sci-fi/fantasy in general. Needless to say, I'm often taking his book gifts to Half Price to trade in for something more interesting to me.
My mom does bible studies and other religious books, which I do enjoy from time to time, but they are quick daily reads and for contemplating my life and choices (tedious work after a while).
My sisters and brother don't read, but I'm happy to say that one of my sister does read to her twins nightly. They love to select the books they want her to read...they even have some memorized, and at 4 years old I find that fascinating!
As for what people say...well, not many people know I read as much as I do. But, I do take a book with me to family functions and when the conversation moves towards kids (I don't have any) or spouses (and, a no-go there), I pull my book out and read. No one says anything because they know I have no opinion to provide to their conversation.
PBT is for me alone. I wish I had someone I could discuss books with in my physical life, but I'm grateful to have found people online that I can review, discuss, and enjoy books with. Books have been my companion thru some difficult seasons in my life, helping me escape reality every once in a while to get lost in the adventure on those pages (or screen).
My mom and I were the only voracious readers in my family and she is gone now. She died when I was still in my 20's so we hadn't yet gotten to the point where we shared very many of the same reads. I really wish I could talk about books with her now. My sister didn't start reading books until her mid-20's and all she reads are self-help books, which....don't get me started on that subject. I only have 2 friends I can talk about books with and they're nowhere near as passionate about reading as I am. So my biggest outlet for book discussion started in a private group on Shelfari and the women there became some of my biggest supporters in life, honestly. Some of us have met IRL now and I hope to meet them all one day. I feel strongly that PBT is only for me, not people I know. In regards to the exercise conversation, I read-walk every single day. There's a high school across from where I live so I take my book with me and go walk laps around the track. That way I don't trip on curbs or potholes on a sidewalk. ;) If the weather's bad I walk from one end of my apartment to the other cuz it's really long. 30 minutes a day read-walking.
Tessa (FutureAuthor23) wrote: "My mom and I were the only voracious readers in my family and she is gone now. She died when I was still in my 20's so we hadn't yet gotten to the point where we shared very many of the same reads...."Read-walking! I love it! I have a High School with a track near by where I could do this! I think I will!
Most of my extended family consists of readers, but not all. I prefer pbt to be "mine." Interestingly, although my parents and sister are also avid readers and the youngest two of my brothers became readers because my dad made them read a chapter a night and the let them have comic books (not my sister and I, though, because we were bookworms but had other interests as well), we didn't sit and discuss books.My husband reads, but has little interest in reading fiction. He doesn't understand the lure of book reading challenges and games. My youngest is not an avid reader, in part due to dyslexia and in part due to finding books he likes, but he reads music well. He greatly prefers audiobooks and is the ONLY one who likes to discuss books, but only if he's reading them (even if I'm not). I'm happy to discuss them if I've read them, but sometimes will listen to him if I'm not going to read a book so it's not a spoiler.
As for reading time, I haven't always been able to make much time for my own reading, Technically I don't really have much time now, but I make it.
So interesting to see who has a reading family and who doesn't; I'll admit to being a little jealous of those of you who have a reading husband! My husband and I share a passion for baseball, but definitely not for reading.No one in my immediate family (husband, sons, parents, sibling) reads anywhere near as much as I do. My husband reads like 4 books a year at most, when we are on vacation. My sons don't read at all. My father probably reads the most, but we don't generally read the same things. His parents (who are deceased) were my true reading role models. My grandmother always had a book handy and went to the library all the time. She was the person I was closest to growing up, and I'm sorry we never really had the chance to share books.
As Amy points out, I'm equally committed to reading and to working out. But the two don't intersect for me as I can't seem to enjoy audio books. Every week, I make a workout plan and follow it. And I do workout challenges too just like I do reading ones here. You'd think I'd be skinny with as much as I workout, but my third favorite thing is FOOD; I love food - - cooking it, eating out, trying new foods, etc. So yeah, that's a problem.
Anita wrote: "So interesting to see who has a reading family and who doesn't; I'll admit to being a little jealous of those of you who have a reading husband! My husband and I share a passion for baseball, but d..."I beg to differ Anita. Food is the answer-never the problem😂
Lol, Joanne! Well, no matter how we frame it, there's no chance I am going to love it less.
Anita wrote: "So interesting to see who has a reading family and who doesn't; I'll admit to being a little jealous of those of you who have a reading husband! My husband and I share a passion for baseball, but d..."My husband doesn't read many books either, but he does do some reading.
Joanne wrote: "Tessa (FutureAuthor23) wrote: "My mom and I were the only voracious readers in my family and she is gone now. She died when I was still in my 20's so we hadn't yet gotten to the point where we shar..."You should Joanne! My only advice--don't take a thousand page book with you unless you're looking to build arm muscle too! Haha.
Joanne wrote: "I beg to differ Anita. Food is the answer-never the problem😂..."I LOVE the way you think, Joanne! :D
Jason wrote: "My comment I hate so much is "why are you reading that. You know they made a movie. Its shorter and more fun""Jason, I agree that comment is annoying. I almost always prefer the book over the movie, partly because I can imagine what the characters look like and keep to my vision of what the story is like rather than someone else's vision being imposed upon me.
I read while on the recumbent bike, about a half hour per day, using my e-book reader. I am currently not able to run due to plantar fasciitis.
Play Book Tag
Books mentioned in this topic
The Eye of the World (other topics)The Mastermind: Drugs. Empire. Murder. Betrayal. (other topics)
How do you deal with the closest people not sharing or enjoying one of your favorite hobbies? Are books a point of contention? Would you prefer the people closest sharing PBT, or do you view PBT as your own?
To go along with....what are the statements you hate the most from non-book readers about their reason for not liking books?