Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
>
Query Help: YA Fantasy
date
newest »
newest »
You don't need to capitalize the first occurrence of a character in a blurb (but yes in a synopsis). You mention Liya and Kawee only once and don't explain anything about them. If it really is a multi-POV story, then you need to give equal time to each POV in the blurb (at least insofar as introducing the characters and their motivation).100K seems a little on the long side for YA, even as a fantasy. That being said, if it's a page turner then that shouldn't matter, but if there's any fat in it that could be a problem.
Filipina eh? My wife's family is from Tacloban City.
Keith wrote: "You don't need to capitalize the first occurrence of a character in a blurb (but yes in a synopsis). You mention Liya and Kawee only once and don't explain anything about them. If it really is a mu..."Thank you for your help!
That's cool! I've been to Tacloban :)
I think you should reveal something of Liya's promise and Kawee's cause. "Until one of them dies by her own betrayal." I'm not sure if this includes Leigh or just one of the two other friends.
"Until she is given a gift she regards as nothing but a curse. " Is this "she" Leigh or one of the others?
Alex wrote: "I think you should reveal something of Liya's promise and Kawee's cause. "Until one of them dies by her own betrayal." I'm not sure if this includes Leigh or just one of the two other friends.
"..." Noted. Thank you for your help!
[Updated-still badly need feedback]She turns around and runs away. She isn’t brave enough to die for someone else.
Leigh only wanted one thing—to slither her way closer to the newly-coronated king’s side and secure her family’s place in his court. But Leigh’s world shifts the night she encounters the fabled magical fey, and she makes the choice to abandon her best friend to save herself.
Maya has been waiting for ten years. She and her mother left their family to follow the orders whispered to them by Haelend—the legendary fey king and protector of mortals. Duty first, before self, her mother always instilled upon her. Now it is her turn to act—to follow Healend’s orders and find the girl he speaks of.
Kawee only knew to fight for her cause—to find the ruya—those who can see through the Veil and the fey behind it—and protect them from those who hunt them. But when she is assigned to spy on the young king, she learns about the secrets that he keeps—secrets that tell of a bigger battle that must be fought between mortals and fey.
Fey, jinn, diwata—the lands breathe alive with magic that was once lost and three girls’ fates begin to intertwine. They embark on a journey across oceans and kingdoms to find Haelend.
Two seek him to save humanity.
One seeks him to save herself.
It's on the long side at 232 words. The supposed sweet spot is 100-150 words. I'm finding it hard to follow and am not getting sympathetic to any of the characters.I PMed you a link to some suggestions for crafting blurbs.
LIYA yearns to keep her promise. KAWEE strives to fight her cause.
But LEIGH only wishes to win her games—to navigate through the scheming reality of the castle courtyards with her own lies and manipulation. Only her friends can truly see her behind the mask, and for Leigh, they have always been enough.
Until one of them dies by her own betrayal.
Until she is given a gift she regards as nothing but a curse.
Wars ensue, kings hide secrets, and the gift bestowed upon a few are claimed to be sickness that must be treated. Now, Leigh embarks on a journey with those who possess the gift as she does with only one goal in mind—to find the Great Warrior HAELEND.
They seek him to save humanity.
She seeks him to save herself.
LIONHEART is a multi-POV YA fantasy complete at 100,139 words. It is a standalone with series potential. This story will appeal to fans of books such as The City of Brass and The Young Elites trilogy, and also to fans of authors Sabaa Tahir and Sarah J. Maas.