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Old Contests > Contest 8/23/09-8/29/09

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message 1: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Prologue:
Hey everyone... I am SO SO SO sorry that this one is so late. Everything just kind of got out of control for me these last couple weeks. I hope you can all forgive me!

Starts: August 23rd
Ends: August 29th
Theme: End of Summer
Judge: Myself. :)
Judged on: The usual.

Good luck to everyone who participates!


message 2: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Of course we forgive you! End of Summer - should be super fun!

message 3: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) Ooh, fun topic.

message 4: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) I'm sorry, Tink. What is the minimum and maximum word count for this one? I don't know if you have a permanent set of words, or if you change it everytime.

message 5: by Paige (last edited Aug 28, 2009 06:47PM) (new)

Paige Miller There is no minimum/maximum word count for this contest. However, I would consider a REASONABLE entry anywhere between 300 word to 1500 words. More is fine, but less than that really isn't what were aiming for. :)

message 6: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Okay, thanks! I'll try to think up something/writing really quickly! I really want to enter!

message 7: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) Yay, I'm almost done with mine. We can post before midnight, right?

message 8: by Paige (last edited Oct 11, 2009 03:37PM) (new)

Paige (anauthor) The End of Summer
By Paige Ray
Word Count: 1,279

message 9: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
I think I'm almost done with mine, but I want to edit it and finish it off, so do you think it would be okay if I post it tomorrow?

message 10: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (last edited Jan 04, 2010 07:18AM) (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Okay, here it is:

Title: The End
Author: Elaine
Word count: 680

The hard rock CD spins to life in the player on my headboard. In an instant I'm awake. I glance at the clock – it's seven in the morning. I remember what day it is and wonder how I could have slept so soundly when my life as I know it is about to come to an end. At the same time, I'm grateful for the decent night's sleep; who knows for how long I will get another one. I sit up and let my gaze slid slowly across the neat and nearly empty room. My bags sit ready at the door. Today I'm leaving. My parents are coming with me to the airport where I will be taking a flight down to Florida. They wanted to come with their oldest son to get him settled into his college dorm there, but I assured them that I would be fine. I am grateful for the time I will have alone to think, but, at the same time, I don't know when I'll see them again. I am all applied and accepted at the college for a pre-law degree, dorm, and food plan. I have everything I'll need packed up and waiting for me. I slide my feet to the cold wood floor and imagine what other high school graduates, or any students for that matter, are feeling at this moment. Excitement, anticipation, perhaps a bit nervous for the school year ahead with always some sadness for the summer to end. I sigh. I am not a part of them. I have just had the worst summer of my life and it's about to get worse, because, although I am going to Florida, I am not going to attend college or even live on campus. I don't know where I'll be living – I'll be on the move a lot, no doubt. I'm not getting a pre-law degree; though, with my status in the government, I'd be granted pretty much any request I made. That is, any request that didn't have to do with me. I have no say in what I'm about to do. My step-mother is an illegal immigrant and if I do anything the agency doesn't want me to do or not do what they want, they will deploy her. I work as a secret agent for a specialized branch of the government and have discovered that that is what politics is – truths, lies, and scare-tactics. I have done small research work up until this summer, when, upon me become a legal adult, I've been training and getting ready for where ever they'd need me. I'd pretended to be indecisive about my college plans to bide time, which threw my parents because I'm a very decisive person. But then this case came up and now I'm heading out to be a field agent. It not that I hate every bit of what I'm doing – I actually rather enjoy parts of it – but right now, with the days shortening and the weather growing colder, I'm caught in a melancholy mood. For once, I want to be like any normal kid and wish summer could last forever, to be excited to start hanging around with college buddies, even to start wracking up debts. That is another thing the government doesn't get – all the money they are giving me (which is more than I could ever spend two times over) will never pay for what they've asked of me. Money will never equal to what I've had to go through or what separations I've had to force between me and my family. And, though I didn't think of them so at the time, I feel that, with the glorious, warm, freedom of summer, my happiest and easiest days are going down with the sun. The darkness ahead is the ice in the winter. I'm leaving one of the darkest, coldest places in the USA for one of the hottest, but my summer is over and I do not expect the sun to rise again in a hurry.

message 11: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) That was a good story Elaine. :)

message 12: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Thanks Paige! I haven't read yours yet, but I will - promise!

message 13: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) It's ok Elaine, I know that you have school and stuff. Don't worry about it.

I'm really sorry that I haven't written you back from your last message. I promis I will write you back either tonight or tomorrow.

message 14: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Thanks! Don't worry about it either, it was a very long message. I'll look for your message!

message 15: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Okay, guys, great work, it was a tough call, but....

Paige is the winner! GO PAIGE!

I'll post more info later, along with the surprise.

message 16: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Okay, first off, the surprise:

message 17: by Paige (last edited Sep 02, 2009 07:57PM) (new)

Paige (anauthor) LOL OMG thank you so much. I will totally frame it. Yay! I finally won something.


Thank you! :)

message 18: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Way to go Paige! Congrats!

message 19: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) Thank you Elaine!

message 20: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Paige wrote: "LOL OMG thank you so much. I will totally frame it. Yay! I finally won something.


Thank you! :)"

LOL, congrats!

message 21: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Okay, I have the final reviews! Drumroll, please!


- I loved your story and the suspense that came with it. With a not very long bit of writing, you managed to get me to feel sorry for your character. That takes talent. :)
-Very descriptive and not too many glaring grammar/spelling errors. I enjoyed reading it.

-The flow of your story always seemed a bit off to me, and that distracted me from the plot. Work on varying the lengths of your sentences to make them more fluent. And if something sounds off to you, change it. Chances are it'll sound off to the readers as well.
-While an interesting plot, I would've liked to understand more about the lead, his past/current missions, his deal with the government. I felt like it should've had more detail.

Nice job, and good work following the theme! I enjoyed your story.


-Great descriptive words. I really felt like I was in the story, and I loved how my emotions were so connected to your character. Great job making me feel for your lead in such a short bit of writing!
-I really enjoyed it, and the suspense was great. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, and I love how you resolved it in the end. You may want to consider extending it into a full length novel sometime, because I think it's a great idea. Reminds me of a book, Life As We Knew It while still having it's own themes.

-I want to know more about what happened. How come they weren't more prepared? Why is the world in such a crappy state, and how come they haven't improved over they years? Why hasn't technology kept up?
-I'd like to know more about your character as a person. I understand very little about her other than her survival instincts, and I'd love to know more.

Congratulations to the winner! And good work to both writers!

message 22: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) I'm so glad that you liked the emotions and the suspense. I tried to convey the story through the eyes of a teenager that has the partial mentality of an adult. So, choppy yet put together. I know it sounds strange, but it's something I've been working on for Portland. LOL

Great help Tink. Thank you.

LOL All of your criticizms were things that I was thinking about as I editted the story. Things that I would have loved to go back and include, but I was afraid of the word limit.

Thank you and I think that I am interested enough in this story that I wrote to make it into either a full length novel or at least a novella. There is so much that I could include to make it longer.

message 23: by Elaine, We Miss Tink! (new)

Elaine (caladhiel) | 122 comments Mod
Thanks for the critique, Tink!

message 24: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller Any time, guys.

Paige, I completely understand about the word limit. I hope you can add to it now that the contest is over. :)

message 25: by Paige (new)

Paige (anauthor) Heck yes I can. YAY! This will be a fun story.

message 26: by Paige (new)

Paige Miller :) :) :)

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