Synopsis and Query help needed! (: (Updated)

[Stacia]

I need help with perfecting my synopsis and query for my YA Fantasy. From the feedback, I'll have both down below. Any help will be appreciated, so thank you!

Query:

Greetings AGENT,
Everia, a survivor of the war between humans and Court members wants nothing more than to spend her immortal life at the bottom of a bottle, but when Jeremiah comes with news of a boy capable of communicating with the Gods, she is reluctantly brought into a world of deception.
Many are displeased with her sudden return, the Court especially since they blame her appearance for the disbalance in their luxurious life. Completely oblivious that the culprit of these terrible events have been under their noses since the beginning, and is the very person that will do anything to get his hands on the human boy and the potential destruction he possesses.
No one is to be trusted, not even Everia herself as the longer she stays the more she finds what she lost so long ago: a reason to live.
With games far more dangerous and costly, Everia learns quickly that she must be willing to gamble everything; including the people she’s come to love, in order to prevent the world from entering another war. A war that could cost people more than just their lives.
My debut novel, A RAVEN IN THE COURT, is a YA fantasy and a series potential. It explores an original world created after a war, and the different ways love can be found. Completed at 76,000 words it will appeal to readers with a sense of adventure. I have written five pieces that have received Scholastic Writing Awards and have been published in Scholastic affiliated books.
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Synopsis:

EVERIA, a survivor of the war, spends her days at the bottom of a bottle, wanting nothing more than to escape a certain little girl and the memories that come with her. But when JEREMIAH comes with news of a boy and a secret that could send the world into another bloodbath, she is reluctantly sent back to the palace inhabited by people graced by the Gods.
There, Everia meets PREM, a young human boy that can contact the Gods, and his intriguing mother CELESTE who prepares Everia for the dinner that is held for her return. Surrounded again with her own kind, she is reunited with ELDERITCH, the man that leads the Court members, and ALEXINA who wants to exploit Everia’s alcoholism for her own benefits. Under The Court’s scrutiny, Everia reluctantly agrees to recover under the watch of Celeste. Weeks pass before Everia feels in control of herself, the sensation was forgotten when the God of death, OHEREUS, conveys a message through Prem to the frantic Everia.
The next morning, bodies of both servant and Court are found slaughtered in front of the palace. Suspicion is placed on the nearby town where Elderitch and a selected group of Court members set out to seek revenge. On the way to the town, KADIR, a member that knows Elderitch’s ruthless plans, distracts Everia long enough until there’s little that can be done to defend the innocent humans. Despite the odds she tries to help, only to experience Elderitch’s wrath.
Humiliated and defeated, she doesn’t expect to see Kadir again, especially with a baby in his arms. With the last townsperson in their hands, they race back to the palace where Everia splits from Kadir to bring the baby to Celeste. As Celeste finds a home for the baby, Everia can’t help but feel responsible for the townspeople’s deaths, and for the first time since being at the palace, she feels alone. That’s before Celeste finds her in the garden; there Everia confides her dark thoughts to Celeste before kissing her. They fall asleep outside only for Everia to wake up alone. Entering the palace and going into the dining room, she can only see an obscured figure before Jeremiah pushes her out, begging her to leave until everything is over. Not even a moment later, Alexina comes down with the woman that Celeste gave the baby too, piecing everything together Everia concludes the person at the front of the room is Kadir.
She ignores Jeremiah’s pleas by entering the room, just in time to hear the proposition Alexina gives: The woman’s life in exchange for a volunteer willing to fight for it. Without hesitation, Everia volunteers, placing herself into an arena where she battles not one-but three competitors, in the end, she loses. The last competitor leaving her on death’s doorstep, barely alive Everia can only depend on Celeste, and a group of servants to mend her. With what little they have they manage to heal Everia enough to attend the funeral with Celeste, and to meet AXELLE, the servant who’s supposed to watch Prem.
Torn between telling Celeste of her find, Everia subsequently decides to wait to tell Celeste about her suspicions as Celeste, for the first time since meeting her, breaks. Everia only expresses her concerns the next day, following the days after Celeste is nowhere to be seen, not until Axelle appears at Everia’s door holding her organs and her whereabouts. With the new information that Celeste and Prem are imprisoned, Everia sets everything right by making a deal with Elderitch. Everia is content with the negotiation, but Celeste is not as she conspires with an also imprisoned Jeremiah. Celeste’s idea is quickly shot down by Everia but it’s already too late as Alexina finds out about her plan. Everia tries her hardest to break out of her room but in the end fails, leaving her to believe that this was the end, until the little girl from before appears. Revealing that she had always been with Everia and wasn’t an apparition but the Goddess that gave her her abilities. ZAMITA, the goddess, breaks the bounds on her door and leads her to where Prem is. Finally, feeling like there was a chance she tries to get Prem to safety only to run into Reseda and Jeremiah, together the three of them agree that Reseda will take Prem to safety. The fighting had only escalated as the two reached the heart of the chaos. There, the two help the servants as much as they can before everyone freezes except for them and the Court members that drag them in front of Elderitch who brings in both Celeste and newly caught Reseda.
Elderitch gives his sword to Jeremiah and tells him that out of the three women he must kill one. Jeremiah, upon request, chooses to plunge the sword through Celeste and into the chest of Elderitch. Everia takes the sword out of Celeste’s chest while Elderitch’s followers retreat.
Jeremiah rushes to comfort Everia only find that his best friend is no longer there. She hates him for what he has done and leaves with a threat: to find Prem, and plot her revenge.

[Keith]

So... not sure where to start. I'm rather confused at what's going on, feel you have way too many people and am struggling thinking how you could possibly give the story it's due in 76K words.

There's a rule of thumb that you can use coincidence to get characters into trouble, but can't to get them out, and Zamita just happens along when things are at their worst.

Synopses are for spoilers. You open with what are basically two apparently critical issues that are not explained: why Everia upset about a little girl and Jeremiah's secret. Yes it is challenging to keep the word count down to the required minimum, but if something is critical to the plot and understanding of the story, then you must make space to explain it. And if it's not critical to the story, it doesn't belong in the synopsis.

Re your query: you don't need to discuss this is a debut novel. Most of the time queries are for debut novels. I'm not sure what you mean by 'it explores an original world after a war.' Unless you're writing fan fiction, all stories are expected to be based on original worlds. It's assumed you've completed your story, no one should be querying an uncompleted work. 'Appealing to readers with a sense of adventure' is rather weak. Also, you want comparables. Basically, were you to shelve your book where you thought it belonged in the bookstore, the better selling (but not famous!) books that'd be on either side. It's good you have writing credits and they might be better going closer to the top. Also, plan on having some sort of customization for each agent. A sentence is all that's needed, it's to show that you've done your homework so the agents know you're not just blasting everyone.

As for your blurb, well I feel it suffers from the same confusion as your synopsis. If you'd like, PM me and I can send you a link to a blog post I wrote on crafting blurbs/synopses.

Good luck!

[Stacia]

Keith wrote: "So... not sure where to start. I'm rather confused at what's going on, feel you have way too many people and am struggling thinking how you could possibly give the story it's due in 76K words.

Th..."

Thank you for the feedback! For the synopsis, I'll definitely clean up the synopsis and take in consideration your critiques especially now knowing what to clean up. Always have trouble with what to put in and what not! As for the query I did have all you suggested before but replaced it with what I have now (what's at the end) I know now that what I had was the correct way and not what I tried doing.

thank you again!

[Shelly]

I'm better with Queries than synopisis since I've written mine over about 75 times. First start with what your novel is about. That is important. I know some agents say they want the character first but from a lot of research and listening, that is a small percentage. Keep your sentences short. Yours are very long. They want it to be precise and to the point. You are also missing some punctuation that is really important because that shows what your writing will be like. You need more than a sense of adventure. Make that adventure a little more specific. This Novel will appeal to those who love to find themselves in a far off world with thought provoking characters. I'm just making stuff up now. I wish you the best of luck. Query writing is very hard and probably the most important thing you will write.