This is How It Always Is - Laurie Frankel - 4 stars

[Susie]

I'm very glad to have read this novel. It contains important and topical subject matter. It's unchartered territory for me. It was insightful and tender and gave me pause to think about how we view gender in children.

Being the parent of a child who stands out as overwhelmingly different from his peers, I identified with so much of the parents' perspectives, despite the nature of the difference being something other than what we experience with an autistic child. Some of it was just spot on. There was a line somewhere in there about knowing that you are the best person to nurture and care for your child, and yet knowing that you still have to send them out in to the world. That's such a reality for my husband and me.

There really was a lot to like about the book. The characters were well drawn, I felt emotionally invested in the family, and the plot kept me interested. In the first half of the book I was positive it would be a five star read, but there were a few issues with the second half that led me to ultimately give it a four. I found that at times it was overwritten and a little preachy. In my opinion the Thailand storyline, whilst interesting, took some of the momentum away from the main subject and led to me being less invested towards the end. I just found that it towards the conclusion things were a little too neat, and I had some reservations about whether human beings would actually be that accepting. Unfortunately I don't think they would. In saying that, we do have a neice who has always dressed as a boy, and no one really bats an eyelid. I wonder if it would be the same should it be a nephew dressing as a girl. I'm not so sure.

I also question the maturity of the ten year olds as they were portrayed. I live with a ten year old who is more mature than the majority of his peers. I told him about the book, and asked him what he would think if one of his friends turned out to be the opposite gender to what he thought they were. His words were something along the lines of 'I wouldn't care. Do we have any more choc chip cookies.' It didn't get any deeper than that.

Anyway, all in all it was a great read, despite the flaws, and I highly recommend the audiobook, even with the slightly dodgy Thai accent.

[Nicole R]

I have this in the queue for my IRL book club—on audio, of course—and I am really looking forward to it.

Hahahaha about Will’s response! I am with him. I am MUCH more concerned about if there are more cookies than someone’s personal decision on how to dress or on how to gender identify. Or gender not identify. I am learning that is an option now too!

[Susie]

I tried to draw him back in to the conversation too, but it kept coming back to food!

[Tracy]

The audio was worth it. Great review! And, not surprisingly, I agree with you. Now, I’m going to look for cookies...

[Susie]

Haha! Will is an influencer!

[KateNZ]

And now I’m hungry too.

I love Will’s response. Obviously being judgmental or classifying someone as ‘not normal’ wouldn’t occur to him. To me that’s way more mature than most adults ever manage to get to... Reminds me of my own wonderful lads, bless them.