Seeking Intro Feedback for Vampire Sequel

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Jay wrote: "And how entertaining is that?"

Very, actually. It took my mind to one of my favorite western films, Silverado, in which various characters keep asking Kevin Kline's character, "How's the dog?" The characters know there's a story there, Kevin Kline definitely knows. We don't know, until much later in the film. Still, it sets up a lot. It shows that Kline had a history with these men and by the way the asked the question and by his reaction, we can tell that this dog played a role in their parting of ways and both parties have not yet healed.

We learn the story of the dog, yes, but I would argue it wasn't necessary. The dog wasn't as important as what it represented and what it represented is clear upon the first mention of it. It represented a moment in which Kline learned to care about something other than money.

[Jay]

Very, actually. It took my mind to one of my favorite western films, Silverado, in which various characters keep asking Kevin Kline's character, "How's the dog?"

I'm not sure what a film, something that depends on performance that can be seen and heard, has to do with fiction for the page.

In that film, the audience can see the faces of the characters as they ask about the dog, plus the character's reaction to the words. My point was that the protagonist didn't react. Instead, the narrator explained what would be seen by an external viewer, without providing context for why what was being described set the scene was meaningful in the character's moment of now, why/how it moved the plot, or how it developed character.