Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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YA spec mystery - help with blurb
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This seems very familiar to me, did you post before?Both blurbs are 'too long' at 196 words. The supposed sweet spot is 100-150 words.
There are two very different vibes you got going. The first seems serial killer-esque and the second seems more about deadly psi powers. I assume both aspects have equal weight, so suggest you need to find a way to bring out both in the same 100-150 word blurb. Note that this 'limit' isn't hard, but blurbs are a case where less is more and any fluff needs to be cut. Readers may give you 5 seconds and a couple of sentences to interest them enough to read the rest of the blurb, which is to entice them to read the book.
I don't have time right now to do more than offer some general suggestions. I'd go with a briefer introduction and say something like this:
Sweet sixteen identical twins Alex and Zoe suffer from an empathic curse: by the age of seventeen they'll lose their minds and kill themselves.
However, if one of them dies, then the other can live a normal life. Not a choice the twins will even consider. But someone is considering it for them.
A serial killer has been targeting cursed twins such as Alex and Zoe, but is it a mercy killing?
Alex and Zoe must find a way to break the curse and outsmart a killer—before they lose their minds and one or both of them ends up dead.
Good luck!
Thanks Keith, I'm not sure why you say the blurb needs to be between 100 and 150 words. I've seen this a lot on Goodreads and have asked agents about this. Of course, they want a short pitch, but they don't think a pitch of 200 or even over 200 words is too long. They want you to paint a picture and show them not tell them what the book holds.
I'm struggling with the blurb for my query letter. I have two, both of which are true to the story but focus on a different angle of the book. Which (if) either is more compelling? Any comments/suggestions welcome!
Blurb #1
A curse. A killer. And a case of mistaken identity.
Sixteen-year-old Alex Swanson is a national cyclo-cross champion. She also reads minds. That’s the nice way of saying people’s thoughts cram into her head uninvited. Her only solace is her identical twin sister, Zoe. When Zoe is close, the voices go away.
Zoe loves her sister more than anything—including fashion and design—but blocking thoughts feels like getting bludgeoned in the head by a baseball bat. And her newly acquired—and oh so unwanted—empath ability has her on an emotional rollercoaster that makes bungee jumping look like skipping rope.
When a guttural voice warns Alex and her friends to stay away from local cycling superstar, Lucas Baylor, she doesn’t give it a second thought. People think crappy things all the time. But when the threats turn deadly, thanks to her ability, Alex knows the killer meant to eliminate her and he’s coming for her next.
With their sanity unraveling faster than poorly wrapped handlebar tape, Alex and Zoe must find a way to control their powers and outsmart a killer—before they lose their minds and one or both of them ends up dead.
Blurb #2
Sixteen-year-old Alex Swanson is a national cyclo-cross champion. She also reads minds. That’s the nice way of saying people’s thoughts cram into her head uninvited. Her only solace is her identical twin sister, Zoe. When Zoe is close, the voices go away.
Zoe loves her sister more than anything—including fashion and design—but blocking thoughts feels like getting bludgeoned in the head by a baseball bat. And her newly acquired—and oh so unwanted—empath ability has her on an emotional rollercoaster that makes bungee jumping look like skipping rope.
Like generations of twins before them, Alex and Zoe are cursed to lose their minds and kill themselves. Although no one knows how to save both twins, if one dies before their seventeenth birthday, the other can live a normal life—which is why, throughout history, someone or something has been hunting twins born into the curse, killing one to save the other.
With their sanity and tightknit bond unraveling faster than poorly wrapped handlebar tape, Alex and Zoe must find a way to break the curse and outsmart a killer—before they lose their minds and one or both of them ends up dead.