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message 1: by Adele, Moderator (new)

Adele (mooturtil) | 1767 comments Mod
Hi everyone,
I'm going to tell all of you which I probably should have told you. But it was kinda personal. But now I'm in a good place and just feel that you should know why I haven't been 100%.

Here goes

A few years ago. I had both my remaining grandparents pass away within a year. my best friend Gayle was there for me she made me seek help (yes made, there were threats of ear and hair pulling!).
I don't regret going to the Dr and I knew I wasn't going to make the appointment so I got the Dr to do it for I would feel obligated to go. So 6 years ago I started seeing my psychologist. I have been diagnosed with both Major Depression and Major Anxiety disorders. So in the October that year (2012) I started seeing my psychologist on a regular basis. I'll spare you details but I was on track to feeling better than I had ever been. My best friend Gayle is the one to thank for it.
So Fast forward to January (2013) and in a horrible turn of events, My Beautiful caring Best Friend passed away firm a previously undiagnosed Heart condition. Leaving behind a 9 month old child and.. well... Me. My grief was extreme. I was completely broken. Gayle was like my other half. And her daughter would never really know her. (Don't worry she knows mummy is in heaven looking out for her, and she is currently happy and healthy) .
I can't say the same for myself. That year is one I'd rather forget. I lost my job and had to have my gallbladder removed (which turned out to be gangrenous). So my mental health took a nosedive I never fully recovered from. My physical health improves each month. I'll spare you the daily ugly crying and everything else and fast forward to 2016 . By this stage, I had stopped the daily grieving... It was the depression that got me the most. Then I had a few panic attacks. But I can't really define when. But my depression sometime last year just disappeared. It was replaced with severe anxiety. And it's lovely friend Paranoia. Over the course of a year I was declining rapidly. I'm not going to talk about how much I thought about ending it all to stop the pain over the last 6 years. But I will say they were thoughts that I realized were wrong and spoke to my psychologist about. I don't know what I would have done if I wasn't under his care this whole time. I've had lots of problems at home which I'm not going to go into either...sorry it's a bit too personal.
Anyway over this last year my Mental health has been declining so much so that when I spoke to my GP... We decided to try out medication. I knew it would be difficult seeing I already have epilepsy and am on medication for that. So I'm currently on my second lot of medication.... The first lot I reacted badly to.
And well it is the first time in a very... Very long time that I feel able to do things. Able to function properly. It's only a temporary thing and I'm putting in self care strategies in place for the time I do come off the meds. But so far so good.

During my "bad times" I avoid everything. It's like my body goes into some sort of freeze mode. I don't eat , drink, read, and worst of all I avoid this group. I never wanted to let you all know my struggles.
But now my head is in a good place. I feel I can let you all know.
And Also Apologize. I know I've let my mods down at times. And in a way I've let group members down too.
I know it's not entirely my fault (just my silly head). But it still feels like I owe you all an apology for being absent from the group.

I've worked hard to get where I am mentally today. I'm starting to feel like the real me. And now you will not be able to keep me away :o)

Thank you for reading this. I just felt you all needed an explanation for my absence. Sorry it was a bit long winded but seriously you have read my newsletters did you expect something different? Lol

I'll post up the link when I find it... But if you need help please see your local Dr or click on link to find your local resource for assistance.

message 3: by Tammy (new)

Tammy (tammyo73) | 66 comments These issues are crippling. As you know, I share the depression and anxiety with you. This post, I am sure, will help a lot of people with their own struggles.

message 4: by Adele, Moderator (new)

Adele (mooturtil) | 1767 comments Mod
I really hope so Tammy. It was very hard to do but I'm glad I have.
I had many bad days and still did my mod duties. But the last year has been so bad that isolation seems the best idea... It's not I know that now. As crippling as it is. I have had to change my view. If I can get out of bed, do my hair, and anything else on my list for the day then I'm ok. If I don't finish my list it's ok too. I love the Gone with the wind quote "Tomorrow is another day". It's what reminds me that there is still time. If I can't do it today... Then tomorrow it is.

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