Trouble/Arguments ... with boyfriend

[Addie]

Hey guys... I have some problem with my relationship and I'm hoping to get some advices from you guys. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two months and everything is ...usually great. However, we are both busy over the summer and we haven't seen each other since vacation, but we do chat online everyday. However, we been having little fights and arguments a lot. He is kind of lazy and sometimes doesn't focus enough on academic so I try to push him... but it doesn't really work. Usually we make up like in a few hours or in the morning after a night of sleep. I mean I know its not healthy that we fight so much... but in the end we both care about each other. We had another fight two days ago... and it's ... really bad I guess. You might ask what were you guys fighting about? Well he should be preparing for his SAT since he did really bad last time and his AP scores aren't... ideal, so I'm trying to push him to work harder, but its obvious that he doesn't want to. I should just give up maybe but its hard when I care you know? and I don't know things got out of hand from there. I kind of lost patience and he wasn't being the nicest person either... and its been two days we still haven't talked and he is avoiding me. Any advice...?

[[deleted user]]

Well I think if you try to push him it seems like you aren't accepting him for him. So I think you should message him and remind him how much you care about him and that you like him the way he is and that you are trying to help him and look out for him because you care about him

[Addie]

It's just that... I don't know if he wants me to talk to him... After the fight he was like oh I don't want to talk to you and I won't for a long time... I mean obviously it hurts. And when I try to chat him on Gmail earlier (like he is on) he just goes invisible and when I go invisible I see him getting online again. He is actually a smart guy but he just never uses his brain on school, so I know that he would be well... better than he is now.

[[deleted user]]

Send him an email. Tell him what you really feel, tell him that he doesn't have to respond but ask that he just read through it. He'll talk to you when he's ready but don't wait for him to talk to you, try talking to him. If he doesn't want to talk and he doesn't forgive you than clearly he wasn't meant for you

[Addie]

I'm trying to write... but I feel like I don't know what angle I should be taking. It's like I should be sorry and I know I haven't done something right, but it's just so hard for me to apologize when he is not even talking to me. I could be pure truthful and blunt to the point well it's straightforward but then I don't think that will get him to talk or forgive me. I get if we don't fit we should just end it, but this is the first big fight we ever had and everything just feels so stupid about it.

[[deleted user]]

Read your last post. You should do all of those things. Be honest and blunt, apologize, explain. Let me give you an idea of what I would say.


Hey (guy),
I know you said you didn't want to talk but if you could just read this message through if really appreciate it.
I'm so sorry that I pushed you and that I'm forcing my will on your life. It's just that I care about you and I know that you are such a smart guy, it makes me sad to see how you aren't using your full potential. Still I realize it's your life and your decision so I'll leave it up to you. If we could talk about it id love that and if we can't then I'll deal with it. I do hope we can talk though.
-your name

[Addie]

Thanks a lot... I will see what I can come up with. then... I guess the only things I can do is to try chatting him and wait next.

[[deleted user]]

I hope it's helpful... I've never fought with a boyfriend like that, just one of my best friends so that's my bases of ideas

[Addie]

Email worked so thanks a lot. We... talked a little but... ehh I won't go as far as to say things didn't work out... but I also wouldn't say it worked out beautifully.

[[deleted user]]

Well I hope it helped.

[Addie]

Funny thing is ehh we were fine for a while then I think we end up arguing again. oh wells whatever happens next sigh -.-

[[deleted user]]

What were you fighting about?