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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
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Archive: Other Books > The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman - 5 stars

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message 1: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments This is not just a book for professionals, its for anyone who wants to make their marriage stronger. Its easy to use, and easy to buy into. John and Julie Gottman have spent over 40 years researching, writing about, and working with couples, and they are the hallmark of what they do - creating marriages that last and sustain. I am teaching the Gottman Method tomorrow, and I enjoyed this read and learned a lot. But this is one of those books a person grows with, just because.

This is also my June Decathlon Pick - I have been married for 22 years this September, and the last decade has been all about this partnership and my family. Adding in the teaching doesn't hurt either. Even if that new feature was just in the last month of the last decade, its been a life dream to teach on the graduate level, so that is pretty cool. I am teaching ten weeks of couples counseling and am loving it. Within a couple of weeks I happen to be teaching on neurodiversity and emotional intelligence in couples. So who knows - this course might help me meet another challenge too...


message 2: by Amy N. (new)

Amy N. | 256 comments Wow, what a blast from the past! I'm almost positive I read this back when I was engaged-- almost eleven years ago next month! Glad to know it has the approval of someone in the industry.


message 3: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason Oliver | 2098 comments Amy N. also hitting our 11 year anniversary this year. happy anniversary.

Amy. happy anniversary to you also

I am going to add this book to my long long list.


message 4: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments The marriage expert from Boston can recommend a number of lay books - Now in a Starbucks panicking and rereading Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson, which I have reviewed before. Love the book, the paddock really mostly has to do with making sure I’m prepared to teach on Thursday, and I can get all of these kids off to camp by Sunday. Married 22 years this September.


message 5: by Jason (new) - added it

Jason Oliver | 2098 comments What day in September. Mine's the 11


message 6: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments The first actually. While all you guys are thinking about or are at that book festival....


message 7: by annapi (new)

annapi | 5154 comments Mine is in September too - the 5th! This year will be our 25th.


message 8: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments Anna! I think you are right about my age, and with kids about the same age or a little younger. So this sounds about right. I go to a 50th birthday party every couple weeks. And these are the most gorgeous young ladies in town. You wouldn’t believe it if any of them. These ladies are stunning. My own 50th is this December. I was in a cab in NYC earlier this year, And the driver said he’d eat his shirt if I wasn’t under 35, like 32/33. So I rode that complement a few blocks. But alas it’s true. I’m turning the big 5O. If I’m not mistaken there’s a couple of us in that boat. I rather think you’re a few years younger though, even if you’re married a little bit longer. No need to disclose. I’m just having fun with fanfiction here.


message 9: by annapi (last edited Jun 24, 2018 06:27PM) (new)

annapi | 5154 comments Nope, I'm turning 54 at the end of this month. LOL if you see my picture on FB it's from about 6 or so years ago when I got to touch the Stanley Cup.

I married at 29 (first marriage for both of us) but did not have kids till I was 38 & 39. I always promised myself at least 5 years of marriage without kids and I stuck to that. In fact, if it wasn't for my biological clock ticking, I might still not have any kids as I've never been the maternal type! (Once I did have kids, though, I was relieved that I turned out to be maternal after all.) I decided to have kids at 35, but it took us 3 1/2 years to conceive, and that only after they discovered uterine polyps and ovarian cysts that they removed. Ha ha, that is probably way too much info than you expected! My kids are now 16 and 15.


message 10: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments Ha! I have 15, 13, and 8, and the last one took me awhile too. I had him at 41. I imagine at 54 you are still beyond gorgeous, and could hang with my girlfriends. You touched the Stanley Cup? Forgive my ignorance, but isn’t that like out on the ice? I can’t imagine they don’t have an out on the ice. Where is it when it’s not on the ice? Do you slip on your way to touching it? I just got on Facebook like 2 or 3 months ago and I actually love it. Like seriously, I’m like a kid in a candy store because it’s such a new thing for me. But being that I love Joy, It’s like the most amazing thing to see everybody’s birthdays, and their kids and all the graduations and their anniversaries and all the wonderful things people do. My friend Gwen is raising chickens! I would have never known this. In the meantime I watched the coop go up. And strawberry and raspberry coming to roost. She’s got pictures with her hanging out with the chickens, with her kids hanging out with the chickens. And a day and age where technology is so vast and our political scene so crazy, it gives me great joy to know that my friend Gwen is showing her children a simpler life. She has chickens named strawberry and raspberry. Somewhere on or near my timeline which I’ve actually never seen and don’t know how to use, is a video with me and my very beautiful sharp beautiful blue dress recently dancing with my son to how sweet it is by James Taylor. I could literally watch that all day long. I get to see things I would never have seen before and watch my friends go on these gorgeous vacations. My brother post political crap but I dissociate by the third Word. I find myself glazing over at just the mere look of him. I thought I could avoid any high school people and certainly patients by using my middle name and no last name, but already a high school person I barely remember has found me. So I excepted her because why not. People weren’t interested in me then so the fact that she’s kind of interested in me now as well I don’t know interesting. Anyway, chickens. That makes me happy.


message 11: by annapi (last edited Jun 24, 2018 10:10PM) (new)

annapi | 5154 comments LOL The Stanley Cup gets to go places. It has two full-time guardians - imagine that cush job, your only responsibility to take care of the Cup and go with it wherever it goes! It's the only trophy that the winners don't get to keep, so through the years it's the same one the players vie for, the same one their heroes touched, which is why it's the most beloved trophy in all sports. The winning team gets their names engraved on it. Every year since 1994, the players of the winning team each get 24 hours with the Cup, so it has gone all over the world. So many meals (usually cereal) eaten out of it, so many drinks, so many babies bathed and baptized in it. It's been used as a jello mold, has been on a roller coaster, and to the top of a few mountains. Dogs have also drunk from it. Mostly it gets shown off, and I happened to see on FB one day that it would be on the USS Iowa, a battleship turned museum that is a few miles from my home, so I ditched work that day to stand in line to get my picture taken with it. The players' superstition is that you don't touch the Cup until you've won it, and in the playoffs you don't touch any other trophy until you've won the Cup. Can you tell I'm a hockey fan?


message 12: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments So... Beartown was your thing? This experience of the Stanley Cup sounds like a great tradition. More interesting than the silly book I am reading....I think I would reschedule work around for an acapella festival - lol. That’s my thing...


message 13: by annapi (new)

annapi | 5154 comments :) Yes, Beartown was my thing, except for the darkness of it. I think I kind of sensed that and so it took me forever to finally pick it up even though I knew it was about hockey. At least that delay meant I was able to use it for Jen's March Madness game, and it got me both prizes, though I had to give up the second prize to the second placer since I'd already won the first!


message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Amy wrote: "This is not just a book for professionals, its for anyone who wants to make their marriage stronger. Its easy to use, and easy to buy into. John and Julie Gottman have spent over 40 years researchi..."

Sounds like a worthy book. Congrats on a long marriage. I always smile when I hear of long marriages.


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

Amy wrote: "Anna! I think you are right about my age, and with kids about the same age or a little younger. So this sounds about right. I go to a 50th birthday party every couple weeks. And these are the most ..."

I just turned 51 two weeks ago. We are so close in age. But my children's age are very different. I have a 27 year old son, 24 year old son, 22 year old daughter, and my youngest turned 18 in February. Sometimes I can't believe I have a child that is 27!! Children are such a blessing and I feel so blessed that I am so close to each one of them.


message 16: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments Happy birthday dear Rachel! I love that you live close to your kids. I really appreciated reading about what you’re up to in Arizona and being close to them.


message 17: by Karin (last edited Jun 25, 2018 06:19PM) (new)

Karin | 7463 comments annapi wrote: "Nope, I'm turning 54 at the end of this month. LOL if you see my picture on FB it's from about 6 or so years ago when I got to touch the Stanley Cup.

I married at 29 (first marriage for both of us..."


You got to touch the Stanley Cup? Wow! I'm not actually green with envy, this is just the reflection of the computer screen on my face.


message 18: by Karin (last edited Jun 25, 2018 06:26PM) (new)

Karin | 7463 comments annapi wrote: "LOL The Stanley Cup gets to go places. It has two full-time guardians - imagine that cush job, your only responsibility to take care of the Cup and go with it wherever it goes! It's the only trophy..."

I had my babies between the ages of 35 and 40, and thankfully I inherited the family fertility on my mother's side as we wouldn't have had the money for expensive fertility treatments. It's not easy having them at those ages even when all is healthy. I didn't want to be a single mother on purpose but didn't get married until I was in my 30s--there was no way I was waiting to try for more than a year after we got married as my clock was ticking. The middle one took nearly a year, but my husband was also over 40 by then and men's fertility drops over 40 by quite a bit. My son, our youngest, OTOH, was totally unplanned.


message 19: by annapi (new)

annapi | 5154 comments Karin wrote: "My son, our youngest, OTOH, was totally unplanned."

My son (the second child) was also unexpected, though not totally unplanned - we had decided we wanted a second, but not quite so soon! I think my daughter was only 7 months old when I discovered I was pregnant again, and my son was born premature at 35 weeks, so they are only 15 months apart. In hindsight, I'm glad they're so close in age because we go through the milestones at approximately the same time for them, so it's like we go through them only once. Though that makes it expensive, having to pay for two of just about everything if we don't want to play favorites! I'm rather dreading the next few years when we have 2 new drivers in the family - our insurance rates will climb sky high!


message 20: by Amy (new) - rated it 5 stars

Amy | 9341 comments I’m dreading the driving too - and hadn’t even considered the insurance. At least my child said spontaneously that as much as he’s excited, he knows he needs to grow taller.


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