Max (Mace) and e l -illcallubymine

[Max]

Theo hated this feeling. He could feel Oliver hesitate, tense up every time they kissed. He knew that he shouldn't just keep trying to fix things by kissing him, because it was obviouly that Olly wasn't really comfortable. But Theo didn't know what to say? What do you say when you kiss your best friend, and like it. He could feel how nervous his best friend was, and it hurt him. He never wanted to make Olly nervous. He wanted to be the person his friend came to when he was scared, when nothing else seemed right. Theo wanted to be the right in his world, and it didn't feel like that was the case right now. He had his hands intertwined with Oliver's and he could feel his friend's pulse racing in his wrist.

He was almost glad when he heard the door open, that way he had an excuse to pull away. He hadn't wanted to pull back, but he had also felt like in some way he was hurting Oliver. He was pushing him somewhere he wasn't ready to go. Turning around to look at the door, his eyes widening slightly as he saw his mother standing at the door. She looked just as shocked as he did. Theo's mom had known that he was gay even before he had. When he had come out to her at age 11, a scrawny little boy who was young enough to know that doing this should be scary, but not old enough to understand why. He had looked down at the floor after he told her, before being swept up into a tight hug. She had never, not even for a moment, looked shocked or angry or anything. So, he was a little bit taken back by her surprised expression. As far as he knew, she liked Oliver well enough.
"Oliver. Nice to see you." She said, eyes darting between them. Slowly her shocked look was melting away and she nodded slightly to a thought only she could hear.
"Just remember that you're also best friends." She said softly, coming over and kissing Theo on the head. Her gaze was gentle now, she had sort of seen this day coming. There had always been a special bond between her son and his best friend, the kind of bond that could turn into something more. She had just been surprised that they had figured out their feelings for each other.
"And Oliver. Stop bringing this junk! You better eat some vegetables you two!" She said sternly, but she was smiling. She busied herself for a few minutes, checking some stuff and scolding Theo for being such a disorganized mess. She just wanted to check in on him again, like any parent would when their child had an experiance like this one.
"Visiting hours are over soon." She announced to Oliver just as she swept out of the room with her usual busling energy.

((Okay, we can do something with Olly's family!))

[[deleted user]]

Oliver stared the moment she was visible in the doorway and walked in. No negatively scowled her face, only shock being replaced with assurance. It wasn’t enough to tame Olly’s mind, though. In his mind, he was running in circles over the instance happening in front of his eyes. The fact that Theo's mother had seen him engaging in such an intimate moment with his best friend was terrifying in an altered way. He was so terrified of coming to terms with himself because he hated being in the unknown... and that was exactly where he was right now.

Soon the moment that seemed like forever ended and everything snapped back to a normal reality. His mother scolded him for the junk food he had smuggled into the hospital and Theo returning to his regular self as they conversed. "Sorry,” he managed to stammer, his sheepish and crooked smile stumbling across his lips. His face was beet red and he looked so small that he could practically disappear in that moment. He wished he wasn't like this.

And before he knew it, his mother was out the door like the spontaneous ray-of-sunshine woman she usually appeared to be. Yet Oliver felt like hell.
"Fuck," he exclaimed the moment she left, dropping his head in his hands and thinking. He hoped Theo knew that it wasn't him who was the problem. The fact that he was a him, that was the problem.

"Theo..." he mumbled, shaking his head in disapproval of himself. He had no idea what to do with himself because he very clearly liked Theo but things like this kept on happening. His heart was racing a thousand miles a minute and he just wanted to be able to kiss his best friend like he loved him. Because he did. "I just don't know what to do."

He was terrified of his own mother knowing, or even his father, not that he was around too often. He had never even considered being gay until recently, and now he falling head over heels for his best friend without being able to catch his breath over it.

[Max]

Theo stared down at his hands, an ashamed blush spreading across his features. he could still feel the warmth of Olly's hands in his. He could feel the pressure of his lips but no matter how much he had enjoyed kissing Oliver, he wished desperately that he hadn't. Not the first time... not the second time.... not the times after that. He was hurting his best friend. The shameful feeling rushed at him and he couldn't bear to even look at Olly. Instead he just continued to stare at his hands as if they held the answers to this whole issue. But of course, they didn't answer anything, just stared back at him, calloused and pale.

He was so tired. He had never felt so utterly exhaused in his life. He hadn't slept in a long time, the coughing and the medication stopping him from falling into a proper sleep. He dozed off for a few minutes every so often but the second he fot comfortable he would have to get up and take another pill or he would start coughing so hard that he would have to sit up just to breath properly. He wanted to sleep for a year. But that wasn't the only reason he was tired, he was tired of all of this stuff with Oliver. He just wanted things to go back to normal. He didn't physically have enough energy to fix this. He wanted to have his best friend back. He wondered foolishly if maybe he and Olly could just pretend none of this happened and go back to being just friends. But he knew that wasn't possible. No amount of pretend would stop his heart from pounding every time his friends came into the room. It couldn't stop the fact that when Theo looked at Oliver, he found him unbelievably handsome, and not just in the way friends knew who was good-looking. In the way that he wanted to touch that beauty, kiss him and love him.

But it was all too complicated right now. Right now, he just wanted to sleep. Drink some water, take another antibiotic and catch a few minutes of sleep, that's how simple his world had to be right now.
"I think you should go." He said softly. That's what Oliver needed to do right now, he needed to leave because if he didn't, Theo was worried he might break into tears. Not because he was sad, but just because things were getting too complicated and he was so exhausted that it felt like his bones were melting.

[Max]

((maybe Theo should visit Oliver at his house? After he gets out of hospital?))

[[deleted user]]

((yeah, that sounds good! like the day he comes out he decides to surprise him and come over?))

[[deleted user]]

The room was quiet but Oliver's head was racing with words he was too scared to verbalize. He wished he could scream everything he was thinking but it would only confuse the situation even more. He had never felt more certain on his feelings towards Theo before. Affectionate friends were beyond them when Oliver couldn't stop thinking about intimacy they had exchanged and the moths furiously fluttering in his stomach and up his throat. He thought the actions made were good, yet the feelings he felt were far from that. He didn't like exploring the unknown-- not this kind of unknown, at least. He liked doing what he usually did every weekend, surrounding himself with his familiar group of friends and going through a similar schedule every week. This threw things off completely.

The words that breathily left Theo's mouth shouldn't have been a surprise, but they were to Oliver anyway. It made him choke up with hurt and want to wish all of the pain upon Theo away. He hated being the cause of it.
"Okay," he agreed in a soft mumble, the boy looking more flustered than ever. He didn't want to feel this way, ultimately hurting Theo in the process. Staying here only further promoted such pain. So he didn't hesitate in standing up, only glancing at his best friend once more like a lost puppy, before his eyes turning back to the ground and he walked out the door, leaving it ajar like when it was when he originally entered. He was afraid to come back.

He wanted to break down in sobs over the entire situation, but he knew such a thing wasn't appropriate; Olly didn't cry. That was a fact of the matter. Stifling such emotions, he took a deep breath and tried his hardest to look up as he left the hospital and started his long route home.

[Max]

Theo watched regretfully as Oliver slipped off of the bed and padded towards the door. He didn't want to be left alone in this pure white hospital, just him and the smell of disinfectant. He wanted to be out with his best friend, sitting on the roof of the house or going for a walk, or playing a video game. He would even rather be at a party, just so long as things between them could go back to the way they used to be. Before, before Oliver had kissed him at that party, and before he had wanted to kiss him back. His life seemed to be splitting right down the middle of the before and after of that one event, and their friendship was being cut in half along with it. He didn't dare meet Olly's eyes when his friend glanced back. If he did, he knew that he would regret his decision for him to leave more than he already did. Plus, he couldn't resist Olly's puppy eyes, no matter what the issue was. He had ended up at way too many parties he didn't want to go to because of those adorable eyes.

Once the door had shut enough that he couldn't see Oliver's retreating figure, he sank back into the bed. He wanted to disappear into the matress, but instead he just stared up at the ceiling and silently prayed that it would get better soon. It had to get better because he couldn't live without Oliver.

*Timeskip*

It had only been a week, one week in hospital and then he was free. One week of summer felt like the snap of a finger, but one week laying in bed doing nothing with no one to talk to had felt like a month. After Oliver's visit, no one else had come except one girl who was head of the Leader's Coalition, a student council group that fundraised for different events during the year. She and a photographer had come and she had talked for almost an entire hour about how he was going to be the face of their new fundraiser for a new children's wing at the hospital, because he had "personal experiance" with it. He had practically kicked her out after that. Other than her though, Theo didn't have any friends who would bother to take the time to visit him. He didn't mind, there was only one person he wanted to see, and he hadn't come back since their last conversation. Theo hadn't even had the courage to text him.

But now as he signed the last papers discharging him from the hospital with his mom, he knew that he couldn't put it off any longer. Either he wasn't going to talk to Oliver for the next month or two, or he had to talk to him now. He chose now. He still couldn't walk or run too far because his lungs weren't quite at full health yet so he grabbed a taxi after assuring his mom that he was well enough to do this. Pausing in front of Oliver's walkway, he took a deep breath and then walked up to the door. He had walked up this path so many times before. He could practically get to Oliver's house from his own with his eyes closed. But now he felt like he was walking into the unknown. Before he could chicken out, he stepped up to the door and knocked loudly.

[[deleted user]]

((hi!! so i know i’ve been gone for literally forever but i would absolutely adore to start this back up or do something like it with you if you’re interested! hope you’re well xo))

[Max]

((Hi! Welcome back. I would love to start this back up again! Pre warning though, my replies are going to be quite slow.

How are you? I hope you're doing okay in these crazy time?))

[[deleted user]]

((ni worries, same here! i’ve been through a lot but i’m really happy now(: what about you?? i’ll get a reply up later i promise (: ))

[Max]

((I'm glad things are better for you now! I'm pretty good. Busy!))