Question #5: Painter or Canvas?

[[deleted user]]

An interesting discussion question from Penguin publishing: What does Aza mean when she says, “You think you’re the painter, but you’re the canvas”?
How does this statement influence your perception of the story? Do you ever feel a similar way?

[Rocio]

I think it means the perception of Aza that she was not in control of anything about herself, even her thoughts were out of her control. She repeats this and other metaphors through the book to express how volatile she feels her life is because she lacks the ability to direct her life and what happens to her. She get so engrossed in her point of view that even the fact of having lunch and recess when the bell rings is an indication of how little control she has over her world. I think those are real effective ways of showing how she feels so powerless and debilitated by her condition.

[Olivia]

Rocio wrote: "I think it means the perception of Aza that she was not in control of anything about herself, even her thoughts were out of her control. She repeats this and other metaphors through the book to exp..."

I agree with you Rocio, Aza's use of metaphors point to a number of moments where she genuinely seems to lack control and be more of a canvas than a painter. I found it easy to see how a spiral of thoughts might start with one of these simple, seemingly innocent acts but delve deep into concepts of perceived versus real control. If someone else arbitrarily chooses when she eats lunch, then how much control does Aza really have over her meals and her routine?

It's hard to imagine yourself as the decision maker in your own life when you closely examine all the outside forces that impact your daily routines. With that in mind, Aza's thought spirals really struck a chord with me and made me find her relatable. I've definitely thought of myself as the canvas a few times, but it can be dangerous to accept that role. I'd rather be a painter and take an active role in my life and my decisions, but also imagine the canvas as a collaborate piece that outside forces and other people can contribute to and change along with me.