Beta Reader Group discussion

29 views
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Description for Amazon- Fairytale retelling

Comments Showing 1-2 of 2 (2 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Molly (last edited May 09, 2018 05:45PM) (new)

Molly Mulligan This is the description for the book I recently self-published on Amazon. Any feedback or ideas for improvement would be much appreciated!

Traveling to New Zealand to study abroad is the most adventurous thing twenty-year-old Wendy has done. But she gets more than she bargained for when a hike through the countryside mysteriously transports her to an island in Neverland, the vast sea on an archaic earth-like planet. While struggling to come to terms with the impossible, Wendy is taken hostage by Captain Hook and his crew on board the Jolly Roger. As the ship casts off and sails into the horizon, home has never felt so appealing—or seemed so far away.

Her fortunes change when she escapes and teams up with Peter, a roguish young sailor, to outrun Hook and find the means to go back to her loved ones left behind. But as Wendy and Peter's adventures unfold, their friendship turns into something more.

Faced with cursed treasure maps, sea-witches, and blood-thirsty pirates, Wendy could never have predicted what will become the greatest challenge of all. How will she bring herself to leave Peter behind?


Thanks,
Molly


message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1167 comments Isn't this a little late to be asking ;-)

Nothing leaps out at me as problematic. It's a little 'too long' at 166 words (the supposed sweet spot is 100-150). I might tweak some words and shorten a few sentences, add the word 'in' to the 'vast sea,' but just little things.

BTW, when I visited your web site I got just a blank page. Maybe you need to edit the URL?

If you'd like to PM me (or visit my website and do some digging), I can send you my ideas for creating blurbs that might give you ideas.


back to top