May BOTM Discussion - Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Hello Everyone!

Thank you to all who voted! I can now reveal that the winner is..... Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine!

Here are some questions to get the ball rolling on the discussion for May's Book of the Month! Please remember that if you are to include spoilers in your answer, please use the Spoiler HTML (< spoiler >...< /spoiler > without the spaces)

Have you ever read a book about Mental Health?

What are you first impressions of Eleanor?

How do you feel about Mummy?

What do you think about Eleanor and Mummy's relationship?

In the point of the book that you have read so far, if you could offer any words of advice to Eleanor, what would they be?

[Isabel]

Can't wait to start it :)

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Isabel wrote: "Can't wait to start it :)"
Hope you enjoy it!!

[Kelsey]

I can't say I'm ready to answer questions just yet. (view spoiler)[But I have been noting all the vocabulary words I found exciting, and had to look up. Lol (hide spoiler)] I don't know if that's a spoiler, but i didn't want to put anyone off reading it.

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Kelsey wrote: "I can't say I'm ready to answer questions just yet. [spoilers removed] I don't know if that's a spoiler, but i didn't want to put anyone off reading it."

Lookimg forward to hearing what you thought!

[Sarah]

Can we talk about this yet?!

Yet again, thanks to this sweet little group, I've read another book that was not on my radar and that I absolutely devoured! I loved loved loved!

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Absolutely!! Just please make sure you use the spoler html just in case please 😊 or even if you can put a spoiler warning before your comment that's fine :) really glad you enjoyed it!!

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Finally got some time to sit down and type!

Have you ever read a book about Mental Health?
I have read Turtles All the Way Down which really opened my eyes to what OCD is, as I didn't realise how little I knew about it. This has made me want to read more books like this!

What are you first impressions of Eleanor?
(view spoiler)[ At first I thought she was quite quirky, then as time went on she reminded me very much of characters like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory or Don fromThe Rosie Project (If you enjoyed Eleanor's Character, I would recommend this book!). I wondered if maybe she was on the Aspergers/Autism spectrum, but as more information came to light I feel that Eleanor was the way she was because of her upbringing and her circumstances, which made her all the more endearing. (hide spoiler)]

How do you feel about Mummy?
I HATED Mummy!

What do you think about Eleanor and Mummy's relationship?
(view spoiler)[It broke my heart every time Eleanor spoke to Mummy, how she always seemed to take a step back in her progress every time they spoke. Eleanor was so controlled and manipulated by Mummy that she affected Eleanor's day to day life so much that maybe she didn't really see it until she met Raymond. I worried sometimes near the end of the book if we were ever going to see Eleanor stand up to Mummy, but I am so glad that we did!! (hide spoiler)]

In the point of the book that you have read so far, if you could offer any words of advice to Eleanor, what would they be?
(view spoiler)[ Soooo many times during the book I just wanted to reach in and give her a hug and tell her that everything was going to be alright and that she was a lot stronger than she thought she was! I am glad that she figured it out in the end :) (hide spoiler)]

I also just wanted to talk about Raymond, (view spoiler)[ I don't think I was ever rooting for Eleanor and Raymond's relationship to become romantic, I feel that Elenor was not ready for something like that yet and I think it would have spoilt it for me a bit. I am glad they stayed friends and I think Raymond is a perfect example of what a good friend should be! He was patient with her, he accepted her the way she was, he made her want to be better, he pushed her out of her comfort zone and he just quite simply "got" her in a way that I don't think anybody else did, which I thought was really special :) (hide spoiler)]

[Kelsey]

Have you ever read a book about mental health?
I can't say for sure on that one, I read a lot about addiction so I'm sure there is some crossover in that area. I also read Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness which is a great read but a bit clinical. But other than that nothing is coming to mind. Update, I realized Icy Sparks and Kissing Doorknobs would probably fall into the mental health category, so Yes, lol.
What are your first impressions of Eleanor?
(view spoiler)[ I really picked up on the possible Autism behaviors. I loved the way she spoke, I felt like that really went along with her personality. Her love of crosswords and reading the dictionary were fun add ins. I mostly just loved her descriptions of everyday things like Raymond's shirts, or the sex toy party. She was so witty, especially internally. Her opinions are great, and dressing for comfort is just strategy, lol. She was so brave, stoic is the word that comes to mind when I think of her. (hide spoiler)]
Mummy and the relationship with Mummy
(view spoiler)[I honestly could have done without the phone calls.. It was the only part that right at the beginning I laughed and said watch the mom not be real, and I was kind of annoyed when it turned out to be right. I just feel like that has been done to death in books and movies. And while admittedly I did dismiss that thought and just went along with the book, when it came back to be the case i was slightly annoyed. I just think the book could have been just as strong of a story without that additive. (hide spoiler)]
Advice for Eleanor
(view spoiler)[ Honestly from the moment the singer was mentioned I just wished I could pull on the brakes for her. I felt like we were watching a train wreck in slow motion, obviously it wasn't going to end well with him. I loved her journey though, making unlikely friends, learning about makeup and how to dress, and her honest opinion about each step. It was slightly amusing when she was convincing herself she wasn't a stalker, lol. (hide spoiler)]

[Sarah]

Have you ever read a book about Mental Health?

I've read A Million Little Pieces a very very very long time ago, however, I am not sure if this exactly falls into the mental health category. I guess it kind of would go hand-in-hand with mental health when dealing with rehab. A couple of years ago I read Sybil: The Classic True Story of a Woman Possessed by Sixteen Personalities and it was absolutely fascinating! I definitely recommend it if anyone is interested in DID syndrome. (view spoiler)[ Sybil has a similar traumatic background to Eleanor with abuse from her mother, but not so much regarding a fire, Sybil suffers from sexual/mental abuse. (hide spoiler)]

What are your first impressions of Eleanor?
(view spoiler)[ I loved Eleanor. I really didn't pick up on any autism or autistic qualities about her. I genuinely thought she was just a quirky sheltered lady and realized later while reading that she was this way due to her trauma. I adored her lingo and thought processes and it really pushed myself to use my dictionary; which was a nice learning opportunity. I was definitely curious about her stalker mannerisms and how far it would go, and in my own weird-self thoughts was wishing we would see how far it would have gone, such as breaking into the singer's house or perhaps following him while she was "researching" about him. I also found it funny to find out that he is just another douche-ma-gooch that she convinced herself was this perfect dreamable man. I was rooting for Eleanor the entire time, and imagining that I could have befriended her too. I also found her judgemental ideas about people and things to be quite hilarious, yet encouraging to stop being so judgy (even for myself) when she came to this realization on the bus when nobody sat next to her. (hide spoiler)]

How do you feel about Mummy? What do you think about Eleanor and Mummy's relationship?
(view spoiler)[ Kelsey wrote: "It was the only part that right at the beginning I laughed and said watch the mom not be real" I thought the exact same. My husband asked me about what I was reading and I told him that it was about this quirky girl who had a traumatic mysterious experience that involves her mother who may be in a psych ward or possibly not even real/alive. Then I convinced myself that Mummy was in prison and later when the book revealed her true nature, Ah Ha, I knew it! I was a bit surprised about this because I did truly convince myself that she was alive and in prison, but also disappointed that I knew the truth all along.

Mummy was a real C word though.. and I'm not talking about cute or caring... you know the one that rhymes with Bunt. She was completely awful and sadistic.. a true example of people who should not have children. I do not believe everyone is fit to be a mother. I caught on early about the sister too with all of the context clues leading up to the ending. I did think it was a little unrealistic that Eleanor had completely erased those memories of having a sister, but it also made sense as to why she excluded herself from other people and consumed so much vodka. I mean I guess technically Mummy was Eleanor's split personality, but not entirely in the DID sense of an identity taking over without the true person's knowledge. I think it's safe to say though that Mummy was the part of Eleanor's personality that drove her to drink, self-loathe, be vulnerable, and cause her to be this lonely person who had really messed up ideas of the "perfect partner". (hide spoiler)]


In the point of the book that you have read so far if you could offer any words of advice to Eleanor, what would they be?
(view spoiler)[ I would advise Eleanor to not stalk musicians, they are just not worth it... try someone in accounting instead... LOL kidding kidding. Seriously, I would tell her to put herself out there and research doesn't have to be involved in finding someone to love or like. You will tell plenty about a person with actual interpersonal connections that are made genuinely. I would advise her to stop judging people so harshly because they might not be so terrible as she imagines, and they too might be suffering in ways no one else would know. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[ Tanya wrote: I also just wanted to talk about Raymond, [ I don't think I was ever rooting for Eleanor and Raymond's relationship to become romantic, I feel that Elenor was not ready for something like that yet and I think it would have spoilt it for me a bit. I am glad they stayed friends and I think Raymond is a perfect example of what a good friend should be! He was patient with her, he accepted her the way she was, he made her want to be better, he pushed her out of her comfort zone and he just quite simply "got" her in a way that I don't think anybody else did, which I thought was really special :)

Yes, I agree 100% I'm so happy that the book didn't dwell on a love story between Eleanor and Raymond.. Although, I do believe it was a love story... of FRIENDSHIP...and that was beautiful and would have been ruined if it was anything more than that. Maybe one day Ray, maybe one day... but not today friend! (hide spoiler)]

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

(view spoiler)[ wow I was absolutely clueless about Mummy! I only just started getting the hint right at the end. I just pictured this delusional mean old lady, Cruella-Deville type.

I also really enjoyed Eleanor's sense of humour and observations, but I also loved how she talked about Raymond's mum and Sammy, it was very endearing (hide spoiler)]

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Your Mental Health Books sound interesting, I will give them a go!

[Isabel]

Have you ever read a book about Mental Health?

The only book I can come up is The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-time. I read it about 7 years ago and it does touch mental health in a very different way.

What are your first impressions of Eleanor?

(view spoiler)[I loved her simple and monotone routine. How a simple and not too hectic life could make her become who se was. I have to say I was not really keen of her drinking until she would pass out but I guess that made her pass the days better after all she went through. I had to smile on how reserve and judgmental was at first with some of the characters as Raymond, Sammy or the guy on the bus. (hide spoiler)]

How do you feel about Mummy? What do you think about Eleanor and Mummy's relationship?

(view spoiler)[Let me describe the feelings toward Mummy: I despise and hated her. Such cruel creature (because to set your children on fire cannot be describe as something human) I hated her when I saw she was on prison (the way she would psychologically abuse Eleanor and how she would just stand in the sofa and listen to her. I was shocked to get to know the ending. I did not see that twist coming at all and I was glad that in a way Mummy had been gone for such long time. I could understand how the trauma had let Eleanor not being able to forget about Mummy (hide spoiler)]

In the point of the book that you have read so far if you could offer any words of advice to Eleanor, what would they be?

(view spoiler)[Life is too short, just enjoy and do as much as you can (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[I need to mention how I loved the relation between Eleanor and Raymond, where yet they could end up together the author did not force another happy ending where there main two characters ended up dating. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[And nobody is going to mention that Eleanor was not only traumatic after the fire, her sister death and the fact that mummy wanted to end up with both, But the poor woman ended up dating an abusing man who broke god know how many bones in her body!!! (hide spoiler)]

[Isabel]

All Along I have been living just next to her street hahaha

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Isabel wrote: "All Along I have been living just next to her street hahaha

" haha brilliant!!!

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Isabel wrote: (view spoiler)["And nobody is going to mention that Eleanor was not only traumatic after the fire, her sister death and the fact that mummy wanted to end up with both, But the poor woman ended up dating an abusing man who broke god know how many bones in her body!!." (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[omg yes!!! It broke my heart!! it was so heartbreaking but I am also glad that it was something that had already happened in the past and that she already found the strength to leave him and deal with it. I am kind of glad we didn't have to read about it as it was happening. She went through so much, poor girl. (hide spoiler)]

[Isabel]

Tanya wrote: "Isabel wrote: [spoilers removed]

[spoilers removed]"

She is actually stronger than what people realizes. She went through a lot!

[Tanya, Founder & Moderator]

Isabel wrote: "Tanya wrote: "Isabel wrote: [spoilers removed]

[spoilers removed]"

She is actually stronger than what people realizes. She went through a lot!"
Yes, absolutely!

[Sarah]

Isabel wrote: "All Along I have been living just next to her street hahaha

"

That's amazing!

[Sarah]

(view spoiler)[ Isabel wrote: ["And nobody is going to mention that Eleanor was not only traumatic after the fire, her sister death and the fact that mummy wanted to end up with both, But the poor woman ended up dating an abusing man who broke god know how many bones in her body!!." ]

Tanya wrote: "omg yes!!! It broke my heart!! it was so heartbreaking but I am also glad that it was something that had already happened in the past and that she already found the strength to leave him and deal with it. I am kind of glad we didn't have to read about it as it was happening. She went through so much, poor girl."

I felt so terrible for Eleanor when reading about her ex-boyfriend. I too am glad that we didn't have to read too many details about that because, like everyone has mentioned, she truly endured TOO MUCH... At the same time, I was interested in their relationship, how it began with him quickly moving in, and ending with Eleanor sticking up for herself and kicking his a$$ out. I would have been curious to read more about their relationship, but I was content with the information revealed.. small details can really tell a huge story. (hide spoiler)]