The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith - Restarting November 10th 2023

[Kelly]

In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

[Kelly]

Just started listening to the audiobook early this morning. I’m at the end of part one and (view spoiler)[I’m liking this book. I’m hooked into the story already and I really hope that she’ll end up talking about her rape and get justice. I already care about the main character Eden. This book obviously deals with really important matters and I’m glad I picked it up. (hide spoiler)]

[Ashley W]

Part One - I'm updating from my phone and can't see spoilers till I get on my computer so sorry if I'm repeating
(view spoiler)[ I hate Kevin so much. All rapists are horrid people but I especially hate the ones who are so confident and prey on people that trust them then say no one would believe them. And how she believes her family loves him so much which they do and that makes it even worse. Then to get publicly humiliated at school. Feeling so bad for Eden (hide spoiler)]

[Kelly]

Chapter 2 (view spoiler)[ I hate Kevin’s sister and Eden’s family. Seriously. I’m probably sure Kevin raped other girls before her and that he found a way to pretend to be the ‘good guy’. It’s disgusting :(. (hide spoiler)]

[Kelly]

✌ Ashley ☠ wrote: “Part One - I’m updating from my phone and can’t see spoilers till I get on my computer so sorry if I’m repeating
[spoilers removed]“

Yeah, I feel the same way.

[Ashley W]

Part 2
(view spoiler)[ I feel bad for Josh. He so didn't deserve everything. And her brother is trying to help but it does seem like he really is making everything worse for her. (hide spoiler)]

[Kelly]

I’m not sure what page/chapter I’m at right now. But I hated it when (view spoiler)[she heard those stupid girls write evil things about her. She keeps being bullied all the time. It was so sad and it made me so angry! Also… Eden is only 14!! I thought she’d be a little older than that. (hide spoiler)]

[Ashley W]

Part 3 (view spoiler)[ Now she is just being reckless (hide spoiler)]

[Kelly]

End of part 2 : (view spoiler)[I really hope her brother is going to learn what really happened to her. And I don’t really feel bad about Josh to be honest. His friends are assholes, clearly and there’s already a new girl at his arm. Hmm, ok. (hide spoiler)]

[Kate]

End of Part One

(view spoiler)[That was an intense beginning. I keep on waiting for her to tell somebody but it must have been really hard to talk about that traumatic experience. It's sad that she's not that close to her parents and they're not really in a place to hear her out. (hide spoiler)]

[Ashley W]

Finished
(view spoiler)[ That ending was super emotional. I mean, I figured it would be with this subject, but wow. I'm so glad she was brave enough to finally tell people. I can't imagine keeping it a secret so long, but I can also understand how it could be hard to tell, especially when you don't think someone will believe you. (hide spoiler)]

[Kelly]

Finished- (view spoiler)[ This book was so emotional! I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I really liked the ending and I’m so glad she finally told Josh, her brother and the police the truth. (hide spoiler)]

[Kate]

End of Part 2

(view spoiler)[I know Caelin was trying to be protective of Eden, but the one thing that started this train-wreck was something he wasn't able to prevent. I thought Josh was really a good guy. I hope he wasn't the one who spread all those rumors. (hide spoiler)]

[Kate]

End of Part 3

(view spoiler)[I felt sad that Edy thinks she has to change this much to feel much better, when in fact, she's just spiraling downward. Glad that Mara's still there for her though. (hide spoiler)]

[Kate]

The end

(view spoiler)[I really wanted to like this book, but I can't make that connection with the characters. The parents don't seem to care about their daughter, and I thought that it was weird that Josh was the person she was able to confide with. The ending signified a new beginning for Edy, letting go of that dark secret, and finally be able to move on the right way. (hide spoiler)]

[María]

Starting

[María]

Kelly wrote: "Just started listening to the audiobook early this morning. I’m at the end of part one and [spoilers removed]"
(view spoiler)[
I like that is not so anguish. Especially because of the issue that abord the book... When I read Going Under I felt so bad thaI couldn't stop crying for hours and my boyfriend (now, my husband) was worried about me. (hide spoiler)]

[María]

Kelly wrote: "Chapter 2 [spoilers removed]"
(view spoiler)[
I wonder if he was abused as a child. Or if he abused Amanda before. (hide spoiler)]

[María]

✌ Ashley ☠ wrote: "Part One - I'm updating from my phone and can't see spoilers till I get on my computer so sorry if I'm repeating
[spoilers removed]"

(view spoiler)[
I hate that she could not talk with her family or her friend... (hide spoiler)]

[María]

Kelly wrote: "I’m not sure what page/chapter I’m at right now. But I hated it when [spoilers removed]"

(view spoiler)[
What's the matter with Amanda? Why is she doing this? I don't get it (hide spoiler)]

[María]

✌ Ashley ☠ wrote: "Part 2
[spoilers removed]"


(view spoiler)[ I hate that he didn't listen to her and asume the worse without even asking. So mad!!! (hide spoiler)]

[María]

Kelly wrote: "End of part 2 : [spoilers removed]"

(view spoiler)[ I don't blame Josh. He always was invested in the relationship until she broke UK with him... (hide spoiler)]

[María]

Kate wrote: "End of Part 2

[spoilers removed]"

I doubt that...

[María]

Kate wrote: "End of Part 3

[spoilers removed]"

So sad that she is so lost...

[María]

Kate wrote: "The end

[spoilers removed]"

(view spoiler)[ The parents are the worst characters but I don't find strange that she confided in Josh. She always idolized him, like she had idolized her oldest brother before. So obviously they were the people she trusted first.
I like the idea of a new beginning but I was expecting something more concrete... (hide spoiler)]

[María]

Kelly wrote: "Finished- [spoilers removed]"

I was crying too.
(view spoiler)[ I don't like how the police interrogated her, but I suppose that was like really happened in real life (hide spoiler)]

[Alaina]

Part 1: (view spoiler)[Wow! That was a lot to take in for a beginning. I absolutely hate Kevin. I feel so bad for Eden because of what she went through. Especially since she has changed so much from it - which in all honesty, is totally understandable. I just wish she was closer to her parents in a way so that she could tell them about it. Other than that I like Stephen and Mara as friends for her.. although I could sort of see her with Stephen later on.. (hide spoiler)]
Part 2: (view spoiler)[I really want Eden to tell someone in her family about what happened - it could be her brother if she doesn't want to tell her parents!! Other than that I liked Josh for Eden but she didn't really treat him like she was supposed to. I feel bad for the guy. (hide spoiler)]
Part 3: (view spoiler)[This chapter was definitely hard to read. I hate seeing Eden going down this path. I really wish she didn't sleep with Troy's brother so quickly and I really wish she would get some help so that she can learn how to handle everything the right way. (hide spoiler)]
Finished: (view spoiler)[Wow what a book. I feel like Eden had kind of crappy parents because they didn't seem to care about her at all? Which just baffles me to no end. I'm finally happy because this girl finally told someone about the rape. I was also baffled when we found out about Kevin also abusing his little sister. That man is a god damn monster. Overall, it was a good book that went dark and deep on you. (hide spoiler)]

[Haley]

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Date changed. Restarting November 10th 2023. Happy Reading ☺

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[Haley]

part 1 freshman year

so far a difficult read

(view spoiler)[ I'm at a loss of words of what to write. Eden, you beautiful girl... taken advantage of and thinks that no one will believe her... bu in a way she could be right?? I hope she gets the courage to tell her best friend.

I really hope Kevin didn't do the same to his younger sister... I wonder why they acted that way once seeing Eden?? (hide spoiler)]

[Cinthia]

Haley wrote: "part 1 freshman year

so far a difficult read

I'm at a loss of words of what to write. Eden, you beautiful girl... taken advantage of and thinks that no one will believe her... bu in a way she ..."

I wanna read your spoiler and figure out why it's difficult to read but I can't... Im starting now... sorry I'm so late..

[Haley]

No worries at all!! I was late too & sorry I meant difficult as in. Dark read, makes my heart hurt for the main character. I want to reach through the book & hug her.

[Haley]

part 2 sophomore year (view spoiler)[ I really really like Josh and I thought this was finally where Edy was going to open up.

I hope Kevin rots... & is exposed for what he's done... wow... I'm not the biggest fan of Cameron, but he's not terrible to Mara.

I'm really hoping Edy ends up with Josh at the end, even though she pushed him away repeatedly. (hide spoiler)]

[Haley]

Part 3: Junior Year

(view spoiler)[ okay okay, Edy is NOT dealing with her trauma at all & it's still affecting her. I'm really hoping her best friend doesn't end up leaving her because Mara doesn't want to be friends with someone that doesn't care about herself).

Also Kevin not coming back to the house for the holidays?? weird & his sister clearly still has a problem with Edy. When is that going to be revealed?? (hide spoiler)]

[Haley]

Part 4: Senior Year
(view spoiler)[

wow just wow... thank goodness Josh came back, but man I was not expecting everyone to drop her like that.

I know Cameron was there for his friend and girlfriend but honestly I DON'T LIKE him for how he acted... Eden is clearly not okay and although that doesn't justify what she did. It doesn't make him showing up at her house like that any better.

I teared up so many times while reading this. I thought Kevin might hurt Amanda too, but thank goodness he didn't.

overall, this book really touched me and rarely does a book do that lately. (hide spoiler)]

can't wait to hear your thoughts on it!!

I'LL definitely be putting the 2nd book on hold at my library (if they have it)